Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Raid on the Tythos Ridge shield generator

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Raid on the Tythos Ridge shield generator

  • Nominated by: Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 22:52, June 16, 2012 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Ditto from above.

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. ACvote Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 19:08, June 18, 2012 (UTC)
  2. Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 00:04, July 15, 2012 (UTC)
  3. ACvote IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 02:03, July 27, 2012 (UTC)
  4. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 20:19, August 3, 2012 (UTC)
  5. ACvote 1358 (Talk) 19:23, August 9, 2012 (UTC)

Object

Cav
  • Date is infobox exclusive.
    • Done.
  • Some context on why the Flesh Raiders attacks have increased.
    • Eh. Made it "under the influence of a Dark Jedi", to build suspense :)
  • The identity of Ranna Tao'ven and Sumari as Twi'leks (I presume) should be more explicit as I initially thought they were Flesh Raiders. - Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 08:42, June 18, 2012 (UTC)
Exiled Jedi
  • Since the shield generator is said to be protecting a base, doesn't that mean the base should get an article?
    • Not that I can see, since the base never actually appears, and they never mention anything about its location more specific than "in the Tythos Ridge".
      • Yeah, the way the flesh raider's "bases" looked I can see your point. Could just be a bunch of flesh raiders camped out in between piles of bones.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 00:04, July 15, 2012 (UTC)
  • In "The raid" section you have two sentences back to back that begin "However, Morr..." Could you reword one of them?
    • Done.
  • There seemed to be a lot of linking issues in the article. I fixed all of the ones I could find as you can see here. Just thought that I should let you know.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 14:51, July 11, 2012 (UTC)
Rubedo
  • "[…]the native Flesh Raiders of the Jedi Order's homeworld of Tython began attacking in greater numbers under the influence of a Dark Jedi" You have to establish the Dark Jedi was Bengel Morr here. Articles are chronological and don't cater to the timing of reveals in the plot. This needed rewording anyway, as, in combination with the subsequent sentence, it makes it seem like Callef was leading the entire uprising, when he was subordinate to Morr. Even if the rest of the paragraph does establish his subordination, it's still an odd introduction.
    • There, I tried to reword it so that it shows they were both leading the uprising, and I introduced Morr earlier.
      • He recognized the figure as Morr. The context of who Morr is should be after the part with the hologram, in the Prelude. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 19:48, August 3, 2012 (UTC)
        • I think you meant before the part with the hologram :P Fixed, regardless.
          • True, strictly speaking. I thought it would work better flow-wise to contextify him when Dinn recognized him. Then again, the whole point of this was to preserve chronology, plot be damned, so you're right. :P NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 20:19, August 3, 2012 (UTC)
  • The manka cat is infobox-only.
    • Woops. Fixed.
      • The infobox says there was one manka cat, the body says there were several. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 19:48, August 3, 2012 (UTC)
        • Bah!
  • "Morr and Callef were training the Flesh Raiders to destroy the Order and rebuild it into something stronger, an order that would be able to take the fight to the Sith and wipe them from existence." Run-on sentence, triple "and." Rephrase. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 19:15, August 3, 2012 (UTC)
    • Try it with a semicolon breaking it up - how does that look? Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 19:35, August 3, 2012 (UTC)
      • An infographic to note. The second part isn't an independent clause. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 19:48, August 3, 2012 (UTC)
        • !ewha... Alright, fixed. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 20:06, August 3, 2012 (UTC)
          • …We should invent a beam that makes it so if you don't know what an independent clause is, you don't know what a semi-colon is. The party gorilla would be so happy. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 20:19, August 3, 2012 (UTC)
Ecks Dee is back in town
  • Not so much of an objection, but seeing as the casualties = participants, you could simply put "All forces" in the casualties field.
    • Eh. Fixed.
  • Is the title conjectural? If it is, it needs a {{Conjecture}}, and I recommend having a bolded "raid" instead of "disable" in the intro. If the title is canonical, however, you should explicitly mention the title in the intro.
    • Blarg.
  • For quotes (dialogues) with only two speakers, you should use {{Quote}}, not {{Dialogue}}. 1358 (Talk) 09:27, August 9, 2012 (UTC)
    • Sí, señorita. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 14:36, August 9, 2012 (UTC)
      • One instance is still there, plus something's wrong there. 1358 (Talk) 18:20, August 9, 2012 (UTC)
        • o.O ... Blarg. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 18:38, August 9, 2012 (UTC)
          • Don't worry, the IRC channel has already witnessed this glorious event. I assume this is correct, right? 1358 (Talk) 18:41, August 9, 2012 (UTC)
            • You edit conflicted/overwrote my fix for that. This will never be spoken of again. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 18:51, August 9, 2012 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 19:23, August 9, 2012 (UTC)