Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Oz (clone trooper)

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Oz (clone trooper)

  • Nominated by: Clone Commander Lee Talk 14:14, December 20, 2011 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Ringo's buddy. Do you know why most of my TCW characters are dead. I choose them so that they won't return.

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. --Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 22:23, December 21, 2011 (UTC)
  2. Another good article Lee. (no pun intended)Talrrivanian JaingHead (Headquarters) 09:33, January 2, 2012 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 17:58, January 2, 2012 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:58, January 2, 2012 (UTC)
  5. ACvote JangFett (Talk) 04:16, January 9, 2012 (UTC)

Object

Cal Jedi
  • I think that the two clone troopers mentioned in the quote should be mentioned in the article as the ones who found Oz's body or whatever.--Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 03:09, December 21, 2011 (UTC)
    • I prefer not to as we are not able to identify them. Clone Commander Lee Talk 12:45, December 21, 2011 (UTC)
      • I didn't mean that you'd have to create articles for them. I would normally insist upon that, but that's not what I meant this time. I'm not familiar with what happened in this scene of the show, but I believe you could state something like "Two clone troopers later found the dead bodies of Oz and Ring." And I won't make redlinks for them this time since I didn't see the show. :P --Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 14:13, December 21, 2011 (UTC)
Moffship
  • "While on the highway to the Umbaran capital..." - What highway? It sounds as if you expect the reader to already be aware of the highway's existence.
  • Please find a better picture for the bio. A dark image of a few Umbarans doesn't do much here.
  • For the second sentence of the bio, please clarify that you are referring to Oz and not Jango Fett. Alternatively, you could merge the first and second sentences.
  • "The enemy had mined the road, and, after some time, Oz, together with fellow trooper Ringo, stepped on such a mine and was killed by the following explosion." - As a result of my grammatical correction, there are one too many commas here. Please rephrase or split up this sentence.
  • "Two clones who checked the bodies could only state that Oz and Ringo were dead." - This is yet another instance of hyperbole that I've noticed in one of your noms. There is no need to say "could only state that [they] were dead;" just say that the clones reported Oz and Ringo had been killed.
  • "Oz's inability to recognize that the road was mined..." - I wouldn't say Oz had a total inability to realize the danger; rather, I would say he was merely unable to realize it on this occurrence. Do you see the difference?
  • That's all for now. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 20:11, January 1, 2012 (UTC)
Toprawa
Exiled Jedi
  • Are there articles on the two clones that checked on him and Ringo? I didn't redlink them since I wasn't sure if they were named somewhere else or not.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 03:49, January 3, 2012 (UTC)
    • No. I asked Jang if we can identify them, but due to the bad light in the episode we are unable to do so. One of them may be Kix, but I prefer not to create articles as they maybe get named later on. Clone Commander Lee Talk 09:53, January 3, 2012 (UTC)
Jangeth
  • While nitpicky, Since you used that image in Ringo and because the articles look a like due to the fact Ringo and Oz were mentioned at the same time in the episode, could you find a different image? Perhaps an image of Umbara, or something else to describe the events. Of course, this is optional and up to you, Lee.
    • I orginally had a another picture in the article, but changed it per Tanner's request/objection above. I'll added an image of Umbara now. Clone Commander Lee Talk 09:58, January 3, 2012 (UTC)
  • "After securing a landing zone, Skywalker was recalled to the Republic capital, Coruscant, and replaced by Jedi Master Pong Krell." I don't recall they had to "secure a landing zone" before Krell arrived to take over the command of the 501st.
  • "The General immediately ordered Oz and the 501st to move directly to the Umbaran capital." While this sentence is fine, you make it sound that it was Krell who thought of the plan of taking the Umbara capital, when in fact, it was decided during the beginning of the episode prior to the landing on Umbara. To set this up, could you set this up eariler when you mentioned the Republic battle group had to retake Umbara?
    • Please try it now. Clone Commander Lee Talk 10:05, January 3, 2012 (UTC)
      • "The aim of the Republic was to secure several strategic points on the planet and Oz and his unit were dispatched to capture the Umbaran capital." Actually, per what was seen in the episode, they all had to capture the city, meaning Obi-Wan's unit, Tiin's, ect. What should be focused for this article, however, is Skywalker's unit was ordered to attack Umbaran forces north of the city. JangFett (Talk) 18:51, January 3, 2012 (UTC)
        • Sorry it's been a while since a watched the episode. Corrected the phrasing. Clone Commander Lee Talk 20:55, January 3, 2012 (UTC)
          • Please vary up your use of "dispatched." JangFett (Talk) 23:28, January 4, 2012 (UTC)
            • I only found two cases and replaced one of them. Therefore, I believe, adressed. Clone Commander Lee Talk 09:45, January 5, 2012 (UTC)
  • "However, that command exposed Oz and his brothers to constant attacks by the Umbarans while they moved on the highway to the capital." Constant attacks from the Umbaras en route to the highway? or did they engage Umbaras as they moved on the highway after approaching it? If so, none of these occurred in the episode. After attacking the group of Banshees, the group walked for nearly 12 hours, and then before attacking the city, Krell introduced his plan of taking that highway into the city. The attack from the Umbarans came after the mine attack. Unless you're suggesting these attacks occurred after the mine attack, then I don't understand the sentence's position at the moment. JangFett (Talk) 04:00, January 3, 2012 (UTC)
    • Changed to "would expose". Thanks for the review. Clone Commander Lee Talk 10:07, January 3, 2012 (UTC)
      • It wasn't the command of taking the city that was the issue, it was Krell's order of engaging the Umbaran troops in a full frontal assault on the highway. Currently, the article reads like the issue was "Krell's order of taking the capital." JangFett (Talk) 18:51, January 3, 2012 (UTC)
        • I'm sorry, but I don't understand the problem here. I hope that my recent change adressed the objection, but could you be a little bit more clearer? Clone Commander Lee Talk 21:02, January 3, 2012 (UTC)
          • "The General immediately ordered Oz and the 501st to move directly to the Umbaran capital and attack the Umbaran troops in a frontal assault. However, that command would expose Oz" Your new edit is correct, although the troops were to engage any forces they met on the highway en route to the city. The frontal assault is used to describe the clones' actions on the highway. Does this make any sense? The episode states it clearly if you have access to it. JangFett (Talk) 23:28, January 4, 2012 (UTC)
            • I removed the frontal assault stuff. Luckily, I was able to find the episode and agree with you. Please try if it's fine now, otherwise I will include the term "frontal assault". Clone Commander Lee Talk 09:59, January 5, 2012 (UTC)
              • "The General immediately ordered Oz and the 501st to move directly to the Umbaran capital and attack all Umbaran troops they would met." No, Lee, you had it before. Keep the frontal assault, and the line "and attack all Umbaran troops they would met" is factually incorrect. What I wanted you to do was to say Krell ordered the clones to head to the capital, then explain Krell's new order that eliminated Skywalker's, which was the clones were to use a highway that led into the city. The clones, on the highway, would not stop regardless of the forces they met. That's all in the episode. It seems you have the general idea, but by saying "to move directly to the Umbaran capital and attack all Umbaran troops they would met" sounds like they were attacked en route to the highway, which is not the case. JangFett (Talk) 03:18, January 6, 2012 (UTC)
                • I'll think I got it now, have a look. Clone Commander Lee Talk 09:25, January 6, 2012 (UTC)
                  • Now you've made several errors. When you say "The General immediately ordered to attack blah" it sounds like they were ordered right on the spot, which didn't occur in the episode. Next, "These new orders eliminated Skywalker's plan to fight the enemy troops with several small attacks and would expose Oz and his brothers to constant attacks by the Umbarans while they moved on the highway to the capital." is partially incorrect as well. What you can do is say, again, Krell ordered the 501st to led to the city. Once there, Krell told blah and blah his order that replaced Skywalker's, then go from there. Please see what you can do to fix this. JangFett (Talk) 23:22, January 6, 2012 (UTC)
                    • I reworded a great part of the paragraph now. However, I'm not quite sure if I should remove this sentence: However, such an advance would expose Oz and his brothers to constant attacks by the Umbarans while they moved on the to the capital. I believe I said this pretty clear earlier in the text. Any ideas? Ah and thanks for your patience. Clone Commander Lee Talk 09:44, January 7, 2012 (UTC)
                      • It didn't make much sense since you explained the Umbarans had mined the road, which is what caused the death of Oz, the main important event explained in the article. Take a look at my edit, I ended up removing the sentence after correcting minor wording. Good job with the rewording of the paragraph, though. JangFett (Talk) 04:16, January 9, 2012 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 04:16, January 9, 2012 (UTC)