Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Oola's father

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Oola's father

  • Nominated by: Winchester 327 (talk) 01:23, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Originally nominated as a Comprehensive article (here) but was asked to expand past 250 words.

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

Attack of the Clone
  • Some preliminaries before I start reviewing. First, please expand the intro—there is no way that two sentences is enough to cover an article of this size.
  • When you're expanding the intro, please make sure to provide proper context. Who is Fortuna? Who is Jabba Desilijic Tiure?
    • Thanks for having a quick look. Expanded the intro, just a little worried about putting too much info in there, in case it starts sounding like this character's daughter's article. Any tips?
  • The individual's birth date should not only be exclusive to the infobox; nothing should, in fact. If it doesn't get mentioned in the intro, please at least mention it in the body.
    • Done.
  • Unless the text of Ref 1 (everything after the link to Oola's Tale) applies in all of the places that it's cited, that text should only be cited where necessary.
    • Done; made a second reference from the source. Thanks for catching that.
  • The ref to the Fact File is missing the necessary parentheses parameter. CC7567 (talk) 01:13, August 11, 2012 (UTC)
  • One more: please check WP:DASH and use the appropriate wiki codes for dashes. The codes are necessary to be able to differentiate between the dashes. CC7567 (talk) 05:51, August 22, 2012 (UTC)
    • No need, I'm quite familiar with it, haha. I switched to the codes, but I always type them with the numpad in everything I write (outside of the Wook), which is listed as an accepted method (#3) if you review WP:DASH. The codes definitely make it (a lot) easier to differentiate between the dashes, so I understand if that's convention now; but they are not actually necessary to distinguish between dashes, even in the edit window's font. If it is policy to use the codes now, that should be reflected on the WP:DASH page and the numpad method should be stricken. Winchester 327 Comlink » 18:59, August 27, 2012 (UTC)
  • Please reload your infobox.
    • Did I reload that correctly?
  • Some direct context is needed for Oola—what's the best noun that describes her? The intro currently describes her as "who spent much of her youth dancing due to his unwillingness to educate her," which isn't complete without some sort of noun to define what, exactly, she is.
    • No, the current intro describes her as his daughter, if you don't remove the first clause from that quote, doesn't it? I'm slightly lost on your wording, sorry. (Please bear with me—I'm learning by clarifying, not arguing.) Complete is vague... you mean stylistically? Grammatically, it is complete, and we know exactly what she is: "He was the father of Oola, who spent..." + pronoun "her" = Oola is his daughter, solid sentence structure, proper grammar, context given. If this is bad stylistically, I think I understand what you mean—make the context more direct so the sentence reads better? Please correct me if I misunderstood, here.
    • This one's tough. I went with "a Twi'lek girl" but I'm wondering if the Twi'lek is too repetitive with the previous sentence.
    • The first clause of the sentence establishes that she is the chief's daughter, and the sources state that there wasn't anything else to her before she became a dancer, which is described in the sentence's second clause—so I don't know what else to use between the two for a direct context of what she is. And "girl" is redundant (pronoun "her" already there) but it's the best that can be done. Nothing else about her is extant in the sources, other than excessive use of the word "beautiful," which would be a wordy pain to wrangle into neutral POV.
  • "a visitor": if you call Fortuna a visitor, it would be necessary to say where he visited them.
    • Tried a few things and "a visitor to the clan's village" looked best to me.
      • Looks like an article for the village would be warranted, then. Please link and create one if possible. CC7567 (talk) 13:57, August 29, 2012 (UTC)
  • Where exactly is the Pre–25 BBY birth date coming from? The reference needs to directly clarify this, as it sounds like it's coming from conjecture based on what multiple sources say.
    • You're correct about it being derived from the referenced sources. That isn't conjecture in logical terms; no assumption is made, truth stretched, or context altered that would make this in any way conjectural; it is a straightforward calculation, per WP:Attribution section 2.2. If you still object, I'll detail how it adheres to section 2.2 and you can check for assumptions, etc., and we can figure out if the birth date should stay or go.
      • The addition you added is fine, but like the earlier Ref 1, please split it up and cite it only when relevant. The "Rise of the Empire era" is being cited to the whole ref about his birthdate, which doesn't seem to be right. CC7567 (talk) 13:57, August 29, 2012 (UTC)
  • Not an objection, but please note in the future that categories shouldn't be linked to in the IU text of an article.
    • Thanks, I'll definitely remember. I've never been able to find a policy on that. Makes sense... articles would be a mess if categories had to be linked.
  • "He may have been unwilling to subject his daughter to a life of slavery, however." Even if the source says exactly that, is there a way that this can be worded less speculatively? Perhaps, "some believed that he may…" if it can't be worded any other way.
    • Oh, good call! The source said only that it was Fortuna who assumed this. Changed.
  • Pretty good for your first GAN. I'll give it another look once you've addressed these objections. CC7567 (talk) 20:17, August 27, 2012 (UTC)
    • Meh. Anything good's mostly been from your input, but thanks. I've read and cross-compared dozens of Good, Featured and Comprehensive articles over the past five years, and I think the best that can be said of this GAN is that it's thorough. I tried to pick something small to begin with (and hoped it would be a CAN) to get my feet wet.—Winchester 327 Comlink » 04:10, August 29, 2012 (UTC)
Cav
  • Given the amount of sources used, I think the BTS could be expanded to give a better overview of the character's mentions throughout the years. - Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 08:48, September 4, 2012 (UTC)

Comments

  • First subject I've been able to find comprehensively referenced, out of the sources I have on hand.

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)

  1. ACvote Objections unaddressed for two weeks. - Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 12:40, September 20, 2012 (UTC)
  2. ACvote JangFett (Talk) 13:59, September 20, 2012 (UTC)
  3. ACvote 1358 (Talk) 20:56, September 20, 2012 (UTC)