Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Onnelly Praji

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Onnelly Praji

  • Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 02:45, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: A cloth-eared bint if ever there was one.

(3 ACs/4 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. Per IRC review. Kilson Likes PIE 05:02, 02 May 09 (UTC)
  2. ACvote CC7567 (talk) 21:45, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 23:02, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
  4. IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 16:31, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
  5. SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is the truth) 13:13, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote --Eyrezer 05:27, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
  7. Looks like this is ready for AC approval. Good job! Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 04:29, 30 May 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Attack of the Clone
    • I found it a bit strange that Tannon Praji was introduced in the intro as Maree's husband; I mean, it's normally a given that they were married. In any case, it's currently exclusive to the intro.
      • I cut Maree out of the intro.
    • Byss needs context in the intro.
      • Already there, I mention that it's Palpatine's private retreat.
        • Could you check this again? It doesn't look like anything changed for Byss in the intro; it currently says nothing except that the Emerald Speldor Estates were on it.
    • "Sonta, actually the Jedi Drake Lo'gaan": rather awkward; please change to "who was actually the Jedi Drake Lo'gaan" or something similar.
      • Fixed.
    • "as he was not making any sense to her" needs to be reworded, as does "Sonta put it bluntly"; both are rather grammatically awkward.
      • Tweaked.
        • Could you check the first one again? "Not making any sense" is usually impersonal; it's usually "it doesn't make sense," not necessarily "not making sense to a person." Please try to reword. CC7567 (talk) 19:00, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
    • Who was "the boy" who "was in fact a Jedi"? Bit unclear.
      • Well, I've only called one person "the boy" up to this point.
    • "and was not acting undercover" sounds unclear; do you mean he was now acting undercover? If not, please clear this up.
      • This has already been tweaked.
    • Please check your use of the word "debark"; I think you mean "depart".
      • I do indeed. Fixed.
    • "She was reliant on her father's ability to buy her what she wanted." Please reword this; it sounds a bit awkward as well.
      • Tweaked.
    • In the Bts, "established" is used twice; can one be changed?
      • Yes. Tweaked.
    • CC7567 (talk) 03:04, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
  2. Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD:
    • In the intro: Tell why they were being relocated.
      • Fixed.
    • Give some context on Lo'gaan in the intro: such as he survived the Purge.
      • I've mentioned that he's a fugitive.
    • Tell what the Ministry of Ingress is.
      • Done.
    • "The boy obliged, and began carrying all the bags by himself at once." Is the part about the bags necessary?
      • Yes, it shows that a random stranger went through an extraneous amount of work for her.
    • Underlinking throughout the bio.
      • Could you cite specific examples?
    • "One of the stormtroopers observed that Lo'gaan had survived the jump—Tremayne was not surprised." Does it matter to the article whether Tremayne was surprised?
      • I've added a bit to the end there.
    • The P&T quote is really more relevant to Lo'gaan than to Onnelly.
      • It's gone.
    • IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 00:49, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
  3. From the Council Chambers:
    • Context needed on COMPNOR and the Sub-Adult Group in both intro and body.
      • The context is in their self-explanatory names.
    • Context on the Clone Wars.
      • It's not directly relevant to her. Context would be too tangential.
    • "One of the stormtroopers observed that Lo'gaan had survived the jump—Tremayne was not surprised, and he left the room promptly." This whole sentence seem irrelevant to Onnelly; consider removing.
      • Gone.
    • Good job. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 00:19, 24 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 04:56, 30 May 2009 (UTC)