Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Neg

< Wookieepedia:Good article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Neg

  • Nominated by: Kreivi Wolter 23:41, May 21, 2011 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Episode I: The Video Game-operation

(5 ACs/0 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. ACvote Kilson(Let's have a chat) 18:05, May 22, 2011 (UTC)
  2. ACvote CC7567 (talk) 21:54, May 31, 2011 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 23:19, May 31, 2011 (UTC)
  4. ACvote—Tommy 9281 Tuesday, May 31, 2011, 23:34 UTC
  5. ACvote 1358 (Talk) 21:01, June 1, 2011 (UTC)

Object

Kilson
  • "He resided in his house, which was guarded by a model Dz5 security door with a mean attitude." OK, two things. First, how can a door have a "mean attitude"? I'm curious as to why you pipelinked model Dz5 security door to "Front door" when we already have an article for model Dz5 security doors.
    • The first thing done. And why the redlink? Well, the "front door" is what he was called in the game and in the Strategy Guide. He is, in some sense, an individual "droid" which deserves it's own article. Kreivi Wolter 13:51, May 22, 2011 (UTC)
      • I see, just get that redlink whenever you have a free moment.
  • Does the game ever state that Neg was from Tatooine? If not, then you shouldn't list his homeworld as Tatooine.
  • You say in the Bio that Neg captured Tomo in 32 BBY, but later you say, "Many months later, during the Invasion of Naboo," if it was many months afterwards, then is it not possible Tomo could have been captured in 31 BBY? I believe you should say, "circa 32 BBY" or something along those lines.
  • "Meanwhile, Tomo's mother, who was desperate to save her son, placed himself near Neg's house, and started to look for an individual who could help her." Umm....did the mother have a sex change or something?
    • It's the finnish language! We don't have "He" and "She", we have just one "Hän" for both! Can't remember it every time. Heh, adressed. Kreivi Wolter 13:51, May 22, 2011 (UTC)
      • I understand, it's hard switching between languages.
  • You say that Tomo's mother "sensed" that the Force in Jinn, and pipelinked it to Force sense. Is she Force-sensitive? If so, you should make this clear earlier in the article.
  • I would recommend shortening the last paragraph of the Bio as it's more from Jinn's perspective than Neg's.
  • Rather nitpicky, but please make it clear in the Bts that killing Tomo's mother is the "dark side option". Although it may be obvious to most, you still need to make it clear.
  • Otherwise, good show. Kilson(Let's have a chat) 02:55, May 22, 2011 (UTC)
    • ...as always : ) Thanks for the review. Kreivi Wolter 13:51, May 22, 2011 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • I don't mean to sound picky, but is there a better word choice you can use besides "mean"? In addition to being childish, it's a little too general—in what way is the AI "mean"?
    • Might as well remove the word completely. Kreivi Wolter 20:01, May 31, 2011 (UTC)
  • Were the thugs Neg's bodyguards? That might be a better word to use than "thugs."
    • No info is given on their role in the game, and the Strategy Guide merely calls them "thugs". Kreivi Wolter 20:01, May 31, 2011 (UTC)
  • Perhaps you could state that Neg took at least a week for his bantha hunt at the beginning of "A visit by a Jedi." It's much more relevant there.
  • I'd recommend trying to watch how short your sentences get. Chances are, the more sentence breaks and punctuation you're using, the more play-by-play the prose gets, which was kind of the case here. I've smoothed out most of the p-b-p parts, but please continue to watch for this in the future. CC7567 (talk) 21:22, May 30, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 21:01, June 1, 2011 (UTC)