Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Mission to the Naboo mountains

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Mission to the Naboo mountains

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Nice work. Inspired me to do some Battle for Naboo stuff too. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 19:31, August 2, 2010 (UTC)
  2. ACvote Provided that Toprawa's objection is fixed. CC7567 (talk) 22:23, August 11, 2010 (UTC)
  3. -- 1358 (Talk) 11:33, August 14, 2010 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 14:39, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
  5. ACvote Cylka-talk- 01:21, August 31, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Moffship
QGJ
  • Underlinking. In the intro alone Trade Federation, Invasion of Naboo, Naboo, Captain, Kael, smuggler should be linked. Please go through the article and add more links.
    • Done
  • As far as I know, Nal Raka Criminal Empire was never mentioned in Battle for Naboo. Therefore, it is speculation to add it as a participant. For what its worth, Borvo could have founded it only after the events on Naboo.
    • Borvo's article doesn't specify creation date, so i'm going to leave it in there.
      • That's exactly my point. If the creation date is not specified, then how come you know that it was already formed by the time of the Battle of Naboo and not later? Unless it is stated in the source, it is speculation to add the Criminal Empire as a participant.
        • From the CSWE: Borvo the Hutt "struggled to build his criminal empire. He focused largely on shipping contraband through the Outer Rim, but also arranged contract work for mercenaries and assassins. When the Trade Federation blockaded Naboo, Borvo was trapped on the planet and quickly developed a profound hatred for the corporation. Borvo agreed to a short-term and tenuous alliance with the Naboo Royal Security Forces to battle the invaders." I'll let you pick from that what you will. (Vol. I, p. 87)
  • Was it stated that OOM-9 commanded Trade Federation forces during this specific battle? I don't think so.
    • Well, no, but he was the commander of all Trade Federation droid forces, per Star Wars: Galactic Battlegrounds. Any other commander would be "unknown." Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 09:40, July 29, 2010 (UTC)
      • Same point as above. Even though it was established that he was the commander of Trade Federation forces, it doesn't mean that he commanded them personally during every single engagement on the planet. If there's no known commander, then just leave that section blank.
  • Due to the short length of the article, the subsections in "the mission" section are not necessary.
    • Taken out
  • The one-sentence long "aftermath" section doesn't look very nice either. You can safely integrate it to the end of "the mission."
    • Expanded
  • I'd like you to add one or two more quotes. One to the "prelude" and one to "the mission" would be ideal.
    • One at mission, one at end. Although I could add another one from Kael if those don't fit.
  • {{Gamemechanics}} would be nice for the moment describing the bonus objective.
    • Used properly?
      • It is now.
  • I've corrected this one for you, but in the future please note how conjectural titles should be bolded to avoid them looking like a canonical name.
  • That's it from me. Not bad. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 19:38, July 28, 2010 (UTC)
  • A couple more. First of all, it is not very clear that the freighter that Sykes protected was Borvo's. Please reword it to make it more clear.
  • Add some context on Kol Kotha. Who was he? QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 15:08, July 29, 2010 (UTC)
  • Please mention in the Bts that the player may decide not to change his speeder for the police cruiser and remain to provide ground support instead. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 19:24, July 30, 2010 (UTC)
Xd1358
  • Per QGJ above, please remove the "Unknown" from the infobox. If it isn't stated in the game that he's unknown (y'know, I think someone knows him), remove it.
  • Anything in the intro should be in the body as well.
  • Do not link to redirects (NRSF, Droid starfighter, B1 Battle Droid)
  • Does the source say that the battle took place in 32 BBY? Otherwise, source the date.
    • But does the game state that "this battle took place in 32 BBY", or is it just assumed because the battle takes place during the battle of Naboo? Because if it is just a simple assumption, it should be sourced. -- 1358 (Talk) 07:19, July 30, 2010 (UTC)
  • If the article has information from more that one source, everything needs to be referenced.
    • You say yourself that the article includes info from another source. Thus, the article needs to be referenced. -- 1358 (Talk) 07:19, July 30, 2010 (UTC)
  • The introduction tells basically nothing about the mission itself. Expand, please.
  • "Sykes switched from his N-X Police Cruiser to a landspeeder, after his fighter was damaged by patrolling droid starfighterss." Confusing sentence. "After Sykes' N-X Police Cruiser was damaged by patrolling droid starfighters, he switched to a landspeeder. would read better.
  • More to come. -- 1358 (Talk) 18:42, July 29, 2010 (UTC)
    • Thanks for the update. I attempted to expand the intro. The source does indeed take place in 32 BBY, and the article is entirely composed of information from the source. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 19:50, July 29, 2010 (UTC)
  • Underlinking in the intro. -- 1358 (Talk) 07:19, July 30, 2010 (UTC)
  • Several paragraphs are unsourced.
  • Bts should not include things like "this article". It should rather be like "This event was a mission that appeared in..."
  • The Bts information needs no sourcing.
  • "Towards" is slang; toward is not.
  • Sorry for the sourcing thing; I misunderstood it. Anyway, it needs to be sourced due to TPM being the source. You have fixed it, though. :) -- 1358 (Talk) 12:42, July 30, 2010 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • Is it a battle or a mission? You portray it as the latter in everywhere except the infobox, which makes use of the {{Battle}} infobox instead of the {{Mission}} one.
  • Next time, please use {{Ref}} tags in infoboxes, per WP:S.
  • Please do not list individual names in the "forces" section of the infobox—there really is no reason to, as all forces should be grouped together ("fighters," "droids," etc.) and listed in quantity, i.e. "4 gunmen." Standardizing this would be good.
    • I'm not seeing a change for this. Mission articles need to list forces by type, not by name—and now the article doesn't even include the technical part of the forces, which is information vital to the article. If this objection is unclear, then just let me know and I'll help you through it, but something needs to be done. CC7567 (talk) 00:38, August 8, 2010 (UTC)
      • So it should be listed as "Two police cruisers" and "a squadron of droid starfighters?"
        • Yes. What it was before was fine, aside from the randomly listed names in between the ships. If the total number of Naboo affiliates who participated in the mission are known, then that should be listed separately as well. CC7567 (talk) 04:16, August 9, 2010 (UTC)
        • Re-added.
  • "Whats it look like? We're pinned down!": this quote excerpt is missing vital punctuation. If that's the exact way it's presented, then you need to add "[sic]" after the error, but if it's just a typographical error, then please correct it.
  • You start off four consecutive sentences with "After" in the intro, and the word and the wording is getting rather overused and play-by-play. Please reword.
    • Three out of seven sentences beginning with "After" is still excessive, especially when two of them are consecutive. I'd still recommend rewording these parts. CC7567 (talk) 00:38, August 8, 2010 (UTC)
  • "After saving a group of civilians in the Naboo swamps, the survivors sent them": this first dependent clause ("After...swamps") is linked to the survivors, since you start off the next clause with "the survivors"—and that's basically saying that the survivors saved the group of civilians. I'm not familiar with the source material, but coming from the last sentence, this doesn't sound right. Please clarify.
    • I'm still finding this confusing. Who saved the group of civilians in the swamps? If the "surviving traders" did, then it's fine as it is, but if Kael's pilots were the ones that did, then the sentence is incorrect. Please clarify this either way. CC7567 (talk) 00:38, August 8, 2010 (UTC)
      • I think I got it this time.
  • "the smugglers and Naboo pilots moved toward the base in the mountains": how does this base come into play? What's its affiliation?
  • Please incorporate the date in both the intro and the body of the article. This info should not be exclusive to the infobox, which it currently is.
  • Please limit your usage of "then" and other chronological words. They make the article extremely and unnecessarily play-by-play.
  • "Borvo's base was a factory for N-1 starfighters, and the Trade Federation was attempting to wipe it out using tanks." Presenting this as context at the end of "The mission" section is no good, seeing as it's much more relevant earlier in the article. When exactly did these Federation attacks start? They should be mentioned at the earliest possible place, as battle articles should present information as chronologically as possible—that's why they are event articles.
  • All articles should be linked once in the infobox, once in the intro, and once in the body when they first appear—no more, no less. Though this is not an objection, please be on the lookout for this next time. Also, I'd recommend running through the article again to ensure that the writing is not too play-by-play. I'll give this another look when the above objections have been addressed. CC7567 (talk) 21:56, August 6, 2010 (UTC)
  • In the intro, please condense the two context-providing sentences that precede the actual first mention of the mission (the one in bold). If this is an article about the mission, it should start off by specifically mentioning the mission—take a look at any of the current event GAs for examples. You can simply move the context after the bolded mention of the mission and then reference the mission in its proper chronological spot within the context, but the mission's mention should still come first—i.e. by saying "A mission was taken to the Naboo mountains in 32 BBY" or something.
    • Adressed
  • If Gavyn Sykes holds a rank, shouldn't he be considered a commander of the mission and as such be listed in the infobox as one? Please clarify. CC7567 (talk) 00:38, August 8, 2010 (UTC)
    • Yes he has a rank, but he was subordinate to Kael
      • If he holds rank, he's a commander of the mission—that's basically the definition of the word. Just because one is a subordinate does not mean that he/she isn't a commander. CC7567 (talk) 04:16, August 9, 2010 (UTC)
  • "after rescuing his trading village": does this village have an article? Because even if not, it should at least be linked, seeing as it's a unique canonical subject.
    • Seeing as the redlink is now in the intro, it must have an article per GAN Rule 8. CC7567 (talk) 04:21, August 11, 2010 (UTC)
  • "which may have belonged to the smuggler": even if this is exactly what is stated in the game, it's way too speculative to belong in a proper article. What specifically does the source say about this? If you can word around it, please do so; otherwise, this speculative wording needs to be nuked.
  • "so he switched to a landspeeder": this one is rather picky, but coming from a sentence talking about both Kael and Sykes, this "he" can refer to either of them. Please make the wording clearer.
    • This is not an objection, but rather a comment: when you add a link early in the article (hangar, in this case), chances are that you should double-check the rest of the article to make sure that no following mentions of the article are linked, because if they are, that would then be overlinking—and however unintentional it may be, it isn't proper in promoted articles. Please try to keep this in mind in the future. CC7567 (talk) 04:21, August 11, 2010 (UTC)
  • That should be it from me. CC7567 (talk) 17:28, August 10, 2010 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • Per the same objection I left on the Naboo countryside nomination, this article should likewise be moved to "Mission to the Naboo mountains" Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:15, August 11, 2010 (UTC)
    • Indeed
Xd1358, round two
  • Any reason why both starfighter and factory are capitalized in "N-1 Starfighter Factory"? If there is no reason, please move the article and modify the links in this article.
  • That's it. -- 1358 (Talk) 06:30, August 14, 2010 (UTC)
    • Proper nouns? Its actually called the "N-1 assembly site" in-mission, so should I move it to that?
Cylka
  • It seems to me that the intro is a bit too long for the length of the article. See if you could cut out a couple of the details. Just a sentence or two would be good. Otherwise, it looks good. Cylka-talk- 00:38, August 24, 2010 (UTC)
    • I'm honestly not sure what to cut, as each sentence logically flows with the next. Although I could get half a sentence by removing the info about Theed. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 14:27, August 24, 2010 (UTC)
      • I agree that each sentence flows into the next one. I was thinking that some of the details could be cut. For example: on a mission to the northern Naboo mountains to find a smuggler named Borvo the Hutt who could help them fight the Trade Federation. - "named Borvo the Hutt" could be removed. Also escorted it through the canyon while under constant fire from Trade Federation forces, as the Droid Army had blockaded the area to subdue any resistance. - "as the Droid Army had blockaded the area to subdue any resistance." could be removed. I hope that this explained it a little more. Cylka-talk- 23:03, August 25, 2010 (UTC)
        • How do the changes look? Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 14:28, August 27, 2010 (UTC)
          • The changes look good. However, since you talk about Borvo, you should introduce him as the smuggler since the reader won't know who Borvo is. Otherwise, good job. Cylka-talk- 04:14, August 30, 2010 (UTC)
            • Did what I put work? ...Borvo, the smuggler,...

Comments

  • I will be away from a computer at least until Tuesday. Will address any issues when I get back. Thanks! Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 20:11, July 30, 2010 (UTC)
  • As a note, it is generally frowned upon to revert changes in a reviewer's copy-edit without a good reason for doing so. If I might explain several of my changes: in the infobox, pipelinking "Borvo the Hutt" as [[Borvo|Borvo the Hutt]] is not very prudent, and it's in fact underlinking, as "Hutt" isn't even linked later in the infobox. Also, infobox fields that only have one subject—in this case, ones like "Trade Federation Droid Army," "None," and "Heavy"—simply do not require bullets if there is only one subject to list in its specific field; articles appear more standardize when there aren't any unnecessary bullets lying around. In addition, "Royal Naboo Security Forces" is a plural noun—a collective noun, yes, but it's still plural because of the "Forces"—and therefore all verbs used with it (like "escort" and "gain") have to match it. Furthermore, quote captions should be written in present tense, as they are describing in-universe dialogue right when it happens and not after it happens. If you have any questions, I'd be happy to discuss them with you, but please discuss them first before reverting them back again. CC7567 (talk) 00:38, August 8, 2010 (UTC)
    • I'm a bit confused. Are you saying I reverted some of your earlier edits? If so I apologize. As for the bullets, thats fine. I only added them so each box had a bullet. Thanks for the advice, by the way. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 14:43, August 8, 2010 (UTC)
      • Yes, they were reverted for some reason—why, I'm not quite sure. Most of these are basically just minor stuff established by precedence, so don't worry about it. CC7567 (talk) 04:16, August 9, 2010 (UTC)

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 01:21, August 31, 2010 (UTC)