- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Mission to Delrian
- Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:08, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: Not usually a fan of these types of articles, but what the hey. Made from scratch.
(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
CC7567 (talk) 23:51, 11 May 2009 (UTC)- Good work. Jonjedigrandmaster (Jujiggum) 23:41, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
- SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is the truth) 00:04, 16 May 2009 (UTC)
--Eyrezer 07:14, 16 May 2009 (UTC)- Grand Moff Tranner
(Comlink) 13:55, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
Object
- Attack of the Clone
Might want to replace "hushed up" in both places; it's not very specific. Perhaps say "hidden from the public" or something.- I replaced one, but "hushed up" is fairly specific, and ideal to use in this case.
"Thus, the Separatists had intimate knowledge of the facility's defensive capabilities": unclear when they obtained the knowledge, i.e. before Tambor's capture or in forming a plan to rescue him.- It's unclear in the source, but the wording suggests that it was in forming a plan, so I've reworded the article to reflect that without outright saying it.
"Tambor's rescue allowed Palpatine to plot in safety again: with the Techno Union active once more, the war was evenly poised and no end was in sight." It sounds like "once more" would be a better word choice for "again", but changing it would be redundant, as it's already there for the Union. Please try to reword.- Reworded a bit, should be good now.
- Looks fine otherwise. CC7567 (talk) 20:19, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
- Thanks, and thanks for the review. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:48, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
- The Grand Master
"The mission to Delrian was a rescue attempt successfully undertaken by the Confederacy of Independent Systems and the Techno Union early in 21 BBY." I would suggest using something other than "rescue attempt" here, as it seems somewhat awkward when you don't include who it was they were rescuing beforehand.- Cut out the rescue part.
I understand that "hushed-up" is specific, but it seems to be a little too connotated. Maybe use something like "quiet", or "secret".- I really don't see any problem with it. It's entirely appropriate to use in this case, and much less clunky than any other wording as I see it.
- Ok, I guess that's fine.
- I really don't see any problem with it. It's entirely appropriate to use in this case, and much less clunky than any other wording as I see it.
There is some underlinking in the article: things such as "Changeling" (which should be linked to Changeling) and "prison" are missing in intro and body, and others: "world" (which could go to homeworld or planet, depending on the instance), "squad", "methane", "commando", "Skakoan", and Tambor's "fortress on Xagobah" (which would be Mazariyan, I believe), are missing links in the body. Make sure you catch these as well as any others.- Linked those. I couldn't spot any others, hopefully I didn't miss any.
- Good work. Jonjedigrandmaster (Jujiggum) 18:27, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
- Thank you, and thanks for the review. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:25, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
- Soresu
managed to snare Tambor, exceeding expectations. Whose expectations? The Republic's? Tambor's? Sidious'?SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is a lie) 23:35, 15 May 2009 (UTC)- He just sort of ... generally exceeded expectations. He wasn't expected to do that well, generally...by everyone and anyone, really. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:48, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
- Alright. Just checking. SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is the truth) 00:04, 16 May 2009 (UTC)
- He just sort of ... generally exceeded expectations. He wasn't expected to do that well, generally...by everyone and anyone, really. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:48, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
Comments
Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 02:17, 19 May 2009 (UTC)