Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Mazara

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Mazara

Nominated by: Holocron ^(Complain) 03:32, January 17, 2011 (UTC)
Nomination comments: Was nominated for CA but grew too large to stay there, check the introduction thoroughly, as I've never really done one before.

(4 ACs/2 Users/6 Total)

Support

And I invite AC members to take a look, too. Graestan^(Talk) 23:44, January 20, 2011 (UTC)
Very nice. Welcome to GAN. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:42, January 25, 2011 (UTC)
Great transition to the GAN page! Menkooroo 14:24, January 26, 2011 (UTC)
Assuming Tranner's objection is fixed. And very good for a first one. 1358 ^(Talk) 17:12, January 26, 2011 (UTC)
Quite well-done. Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Talk) 20:33, January 26, 2011 (UTC)
Grand Moff Tranner ^(Comlink) 21:14, January 27, 2011 (UTC)

Object

Graestan

~~Last sentence of the intro has syntax issues. Graestan^(Talk) 05:15, January 17, 2011 (UTC)~~
- Fixed. Holocron ^(Complain) 05:35, January 17, 2011 (UTC)
~~Also, contextual issues. Graestan^(Talk) 05:15, January 17, 2011 (UTC)~~
- Are you referring to "Jedi" being used without explanation? Holocron ^(Complain) 05:35, January 17, 2011 (UTC)
  - No, your syntax edit fixed what appeared to be a contextual error. Graestan^(Talk) 16:21, January 17, 2011 (UTC)
~~"overdevelopment of the city" – Which city? Any city? All the cities on Falleen? Graestan^(Talk) 16:21, January 17, 2011 (UTC)~~
- Fixed. Holocron ^(Complain) 03:39, January 18, 2011 (UTC)
~~"the wing of the facility" – Which wing of which facility? Links would be appropriate with the context. Graestan^(Talk) 16:21, January 17, 2011 (UTC)~~
- Fixed. The wing was only ever called "the wing" and there was only one wing, that's all that was written about it in the novel. Information is given in the main Blackwater article, but that was already linked. Holocron ^(Complain) 03:39, January 18, 2011 (UTC)
~~There is more info in CSWE that is not included in the article. Please check the CSWE entry again. Graestan^(Talk) 04:54, January 18, 2011 (UTC)~~
- My information came from the page where you request information from the CSWE. I added the "staging small rallies in an attempt to force workers to see the truth" and "rather than support her work" parts to the article. Is there anything that's missing? Holocron ^(Complain) 06:17, January 18, 2011 (UTC)
  - I'd read it a little more closely and then decide what it mentions that you don't. Graestan^(Talk) 01:42, January 20, 2011 (UTC)
    - Having just added several other pieces of information, I don't see anything else that's not mentioned, unless the CSWE has more information not given on that page I read. Holocron ^(Complain) 03:13, January 20, 2011 (UTC)
      - Much better. Graestan^(Talk) 23:44, January 20, 2011 (UTC)

Toprawa

~~I think we can find a better way of starting off the second bio paragraph than in its current identical form to the first.~~
- Suggestions? Holocron ^(Complain) 04:46, January 25, 2011 (UTC)
  - You're the writer, not me. I trust you're smart enough to find some way to vary the wording a little. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:05, January 25, 2011 (UTC)
    - Changed. Hope it's enough. Holocron ^(Complain) 05:55, January 25, 2011 (UTC)
      - Perfect. As a note, I've changed "worker rights" to "workers' rights," which I believe to be the correct, non-descriptor version. It would be "worker rights" if something preceded that term, like "farm worker rights." If the source calls it "worker rights," feel free to change it back. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:42, January 25, 2011 (UTC)
~~Mazara's CSWE entry speaks of how she "took up the cause of the common Falleen" in her rally efforts. Good P/T info I don't see mentioned anywhere in the article.~~
- Added.
  - I'd still like to see this worded closer to the original source's wording. Mentioning the "common Falleen's" cause is much more specific than just saying she cared about her planet's citizens.Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:05, January 25, 2011 (UTC)
    - Better? Holocron ^(Complain) 05:55, January 25, 2011 (UTC)
      - Perfect. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:42, January 25, 2011 (UTC)
The entry also mentions that she was "trained as a journalist," suggesting she had some kind of education geared toward her career. The article makes no mention of this. Just because one works as a journalist doesn't mean they're trained as one. This is unique info that deserves to be mentioned at the beginning of the bio. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:40, January 25, 2011 (UTC)
- Added.
  - I've tweaked the wording from "educated" to "trained," per the source. Trained does not necessarily equal educated, though it suggests it. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:05, January 25, 2011 (UTC)
~~Also, I figure you could create an article for the Blackwater facility. CSWE refers to it as the "Blackwater systems facility," for example.~~ Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:42, January 25, 2011 (UTC)
- The main Blackwater Systems article is about that facility. Holocron ^(Complain) 04:46, January 25, 2011 (UTC)
  - Not from what I can see. That article deals with the company itself, not the physical facility it's housed in. There's a difference between the Tribune Company and the Tribune Tower, for example. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:05, January 25, 2011 (UTC)
    - It is true that for the most part that article deals with their business practices and treatment of workers rather than the actual physical location. There would be enough information for a page on the facility. Holocron ^(Complain) 05:55, January 25, 2011 (UTC)
      - Article created. Link. Holocron ^(Complain) 10:13, January 25, 2011 (UTC)
        Thank you. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:42, January 25, 2011 (UTC)

Mein kooroo

~~She must have some dialogue with Obi and Ani --- anything you could use for a quote to lead the Biography?~~ Menkooroo 04:52, January 26, 2011 (UTC)
- Nothing really seems to fit all that well, especially for the biography section. For the most part she's just answering their questions instead of saying beautiful, tear-inducing, quote-worthy lines. Holocron ^(Complain) 08:38, January 26, 2011 (UTC)
  - Not every leading quote has to be epic --- even a simple exchange between her and the Jedi where thanks them, or points them toward Wanuri or something, would be perfect. Menkooroo 08:40, January 26, 2011 (UTC)
    - Added a quote. It does a good job of showing what she does for them. Holocron ^(Complain) 14:21, January 26, 2011 (UTC)

Moffship

~~Just one: Wouldn't it be more appropriate to list the workers' rights group as an affiliation, rather than her species?~~ Grand Moff Tranner ^(Comlink) 16:28, January 26, 2011 (UTC)
- Actually, that's a good idea. When the infobox was written that article wasn't there, so I missed that. Added. Holocron ^(Complain) 03:46, January 27, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 21:14, January 27, 2011 (UTC)