Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Kelad'den

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Kelad'den

  • Nominated by: Darth Xadún(Consult the Holocron) 10:31, October 5, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Because when it comes to fighting, sometimes Jedi just aren't all that and a bag of potato chips. Bazinga.

(0 ACs/3 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. Nice work on the article and on the objections. Keep up the good work! Clone Commander Lee Talk 15:58, October 10, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Graestan(Talk) 21:30, November 9, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Keep writing articles! Menkooroo 00:35, November 22, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Xd1358
  • There are several minor issues throughout the article, such as…
    • English spelling. (mobilising caught my attention)
      • Hopefully now all Americanised for your eyes. Although, if you want specific words changing, plase let me know.
    • Header issues, like capitalization.
    • A quote issue.
      • Fixed.
  • Be sure to copy-edit your articles in the future prior to the nomination. 1358 (Talk) 12:10, October 5, 2010 (UTC)
Lee attacks
  • "Young" should not be used in an encyclopedia article. We can't say he was young during his complete life.
    • I have removed the reference. However, for future reference, if a person was killed as a young man, why is it wrong to refer to them as a young man?
      • It is not wrong to write that he was young at some point of his life and not during his entire life.
        • It didn't read like that to me. Ah well. sorted now. Thanks.
  • Add something about the time he lived (date) to the intro and the bio.
    • Contextual info added.
  • Dates are completely missing in the article.
  • You don't need to link things in quotes or quote captions if they are mentioned in the article.
    • Altered.
      • Still remains (Head quote).
        • Apologies. It should be gone now.
          • You removed the source. You should remove the link from Paak.
            • Oh..... heck. done now.
  • Context for Zannah.
    • I've added a couple of lines. Let me know if you'd like more.
  • Mention that Valorum was a Republic chancellor.
    • Added to intro and Bio.
  • Context on Bane in the bio.
    • Added.
  • Overlinking in the bio.
    • Removed.
  • Italicize ship names.
    • Sorted.
  • Have you checked The Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia for an entry?
  • More to come. Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:29, October 5, 2010 (UTC)
  • Kelad'den was killed when Othune dragged both his opponent and himself over the edge of the platform. Although he fell to his death... This sound a little bit like Othone fell to his death. Clarify. Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:37, October 6, 2010 (UTC)
  • During the period of rebuilding the Galactic Republic following the New Sith Wars, Kelad'den an elite warrior of the Anti-Republic Liberation Front Word missing ?
  • Please state that he lived on Serenno in the bio.
    • Added.
  • from Tarsus Valorum, former Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic, to the... Change one "from".
    • Nevermind fixed it.
  • Remember female also links to Sexes and therefore it is overlinking. Also speeder and water are not linked.
    • Links are now altered.
      • Female is still linked.
        • Female is the first link to Sexes in the main article. If you want I can alter the phrasing to referenc it earlier in the Bio?
          • Take a look.
  • Othune killed two of the attackers and the third fled. As he passed Kelad'den, the Twi'lek struck the man in the throat with a sickle-shaped blade. Please clarify that he killed his copatriot and not Othone.
    • Clarified.
  • As a Lethan, Kelad'den had red skin, was tall, muscular and physically attractive. Not every Lethan was tall, muscular and attractive, but all were red. Please clarify.
    • True. I have broken that sentence up.
  • Fix these and it should be good. Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:28, October 7, 2010 (UTC)
  • The info from the CSWE is now on the request page.
    • Added to sources.
  • Please mention that Zannah used an alias to seduce Kel. Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:51, October 8, 2010 (UTC)
    • This already exists - Biology, 4th paragraph, "Using the alias 'Rainah', Zannah seduced Kelad'den to win his trust."
      • I meant the intro, but it reeds fine without it.
  • An image of Zannah or at least Serenno would be nice. Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:01, October 9, 2010 (UTC)
Graestan
  1. Do they capitalize the "E" in "Ex-Chancellor" in the source? Otherwise "ex-Chancellor" would be more appropriate.
    • It is not capitalized. I have adjusted accordingly.
  2. There has to be a more specific descriptor of where he was than "the pad." A city on Serenno? Just more context, please. Graestan(Talk) 05:42, November 3, 2010 (UTC)
Jeff
  • The intro states: "Kelad'den was killed when his opponent dragged both over the edge of the platform." This reads confusingly as the article hasn't introduced a plaftform yet. Something like adding "on a platform" at the end of the second paragraph's first sentence would be an easy remedy for this.
    • Edited.
  • "Kelad'den lived on the Outer Rim world of Serenno, a place of civil unrest between 1,000 and 990 BBY—the period of the New Sith Wars." The New Sith Wars were actually over by that time.
    • Quite true. Rephrased with correct dates.
      • Looks good, but 990 BBY is now exclusive to the infobox and the intro. Definitely stick it somewhere in the bio.
        • Added.
  • Remember that other articles should only be linked to once --- Galactic Republic, Anti-Republic Liberation Front, and Great Houses of Serenno were all double-linked. I took care of them, but definitely keep it in mind for the future. Also take a note of the edits I made to your linking of Count Nalju and Jedi Knight.
    • I do remember, but I guess I missed a few. Thanks for taking care of it.
  • Can you give context on the Great Houses of Serenno the first time that they're mentioned, rather than the second? Also, can you try to do it without using parentheses?
    • I've altered these two paragraphs around. See what you think now.
  • This is admittedly nitpicky, but can you outright state that he died at the end of the bio? A broken neck isn't always fatal.
    • The intro does specifically say he was killed by the fall. But I have added it for context.
      • Cool beans. And just a handy tip, the intro is entirely separate from the rest of the article, acting as an overview of the bio, personality & traits, and skills & abilities section --- no info can be exclusive to it.
        • Sure thing. I'll remember that next time.
  • What do you think about merging the second and third paragraphs of the bio? I ask because the third one doesn't mention Kelad'den at all, and it might be a good idea to have him mentioned in every paragraph.
    • To be honest I think it's better seperate. Although the paragraphs are connected by the fact the second provides context for the third, the second requires no reference to Kelad'den. It outlines the machinations for which he was used as a pawn and is focused entirely on the doings of another character (i.e. Bane) at another place during another time.
      • That's fair.
  • Is there any more detail that can be given about the few months during which he and Zannah became intimately close? And should his seduction of Cyndra maybe be mentioned in the bio?
    • The information in the article is from brief references to past events by Zannah's third-person narrative, since Rule of Two takes the reader to the point of the fruits of Zannah's labours, so there are very few specifics. As for Cyndra's seduction, there are no references of this until after Kelad'den's death and nothing is implied in the narrative, so I would argue not.
      • Sounds good.
  • That's all. Well-done. Menkooroo 07:35, November 12, 2010 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • This wording is rather ambiguous and confusing. Who is making this unofficial secret visit, and where? Is Valorum visiting Serenno? Is Keladden visiting Valorum? This could mean a lot of things. Please specify more clearly: "during an unofficial secret visit."
  • Would it be appropriate to pipelink Sith Master into "master" here? I'm unfamiliar with the material: "Using information from her master's"
  • Is this referring to the Anti-Republic Liberation movement, or anti-Republic liberation movements in general? Because the plural movements makes this confusing, and possibly grammatically incorrect: "some even funding the Anti-Republic movements"
  • "Speeder" currently links to a disambig page. Can we be more specific here? Airspeeder or landspeeder, for example? "waited with an escape speeder."
  • Does the source literally say he "slashed muscles"? Because that seems like very strange wording to me. But if the source does stay that, it's fine: "slashing several muscles"
  • Is there any reason the P/T quote does not employ the em-dash like the bio quote does?
  • Please reword: "This training showed itself when Kelad'den showed himself"
    • Not an objection, but I would like to echo what Xd was saying about making sure you make an effort to proofread your work before nominating an article. I realize this is your first nomination in quite some time, but the overall formatting was pretty rough in spots. Also please remember that Wookieepedia uses American English spelling. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:15, November 24, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)

  1. ACvote Tope's objections are two weeks old. 1358 (Talk) 20:15, December 8, 2010 (UTC)
  2. ACvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:15, December 8, 2010 (UTC)
  3. ACvote JangFett (Talk) 23:04, December 8, 2010 (UTC)