Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Kal Brigger

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Kal Brigger

  • Nominated by: DC 05:10, 2 February 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: First nom for a while, forgive me if it's a tad sloppy.

(4 ACs/3 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. Grunny (Talk) 00:50, 4 February 2009 (UTC)
  2. SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is a lie) 05:29, 4 February 2009 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Objections addressed in IRC. Cylka-talk- 02:39, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:52, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
  5. --Darth tom Imperial Emblem (Imperial Intelligence) 22:15, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
  6. ACvote Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 18:54, 21 March 2009 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote --Eyrezer 21:11, 21 March 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Grunny the finder of minor things
    • Please mention his species and gender in the intro and bio, and use his full name at the start of the bio.
      • Species and gender mentioned, and his full name is already used at the start. :)
    • Also mention that Dova was female in the bio, or simply Kal's sister.
      • Already mentioned that Dova was his sister, "along with his sister, Dova Brigger".
        • I meant in the bio as well, I'd just prefer that the info wasn't only in the intro based on what I know of FA's and GA's. Grunny (Talk) 04:29, 3 February 2009 (UTC)
          • Oh, whoops, my bad. Fixed. :) DC 19:44, 3 February 2009 (UTC)
    • "Kal and Dova, a pair of freelance traders, were siblings who worked in the enterprising business during their lives." The "during their lives" part is unnecessary.
      • Changed.
    • "However, the Briggers' business soon turned illegal, and began to carry different cargo. Instead of carrying consumer goods, the siblings carried munitions, light arms, and other weapons." This could be combined into one sentence.
      • Done.
    • If the business started out legal, mention that in the intro.
      • I feel that it breaks up the comprehensiveness of the intro, and that it isn't important enough to make room, but that's just my opinion. :)
        • Fair enough I wasn't bothered about it ;P. Grunny (Talk) 04:29, 3 February 2009 (UTC)
    • "After Bammy Decree, a mechanic, came into ownership of the ship, he dated the history of the ship, in which he chronicled Kal's ownership of the ship until he had been killed." This should be reworded its a bit messy, and so many uses of "ship" is awkward.
      • Not awkward anymore hopefully.
    • Nice work DC :-). Grunny (Talk) 06:40, 2 February 2009 (UTC)
      • Thank you. :) DC 02:38, 3 February 2009 (UTC)
  2. Toprawa:
    • Am I correct to assume you mean spice mine here? "Kal was eaten alive by carnivorous insects in an abandoned space mine on [([Troiken]]."
      • Yep. Fixed.
    • Can you be more specific here on how they went bankrupt because of the TF? This is really vague, but try not to go off on a tangent here. Keep it concise: "which had gone bankrupt due to the Trade Federation"
      • Done.
    • This kind of doesn't make sense. Corellia is in the Core Worlds: "Successful in his business, Kal used the money they made toward upgrading the ship's hyperdrive, hoping for easier travel in the Corellian system, and eventually used the hyperdrive to enable travel to the Core Worlds."
      • All it said in the book was that they traveled to the Core Wrolds after upgrading their hyperdrive, but I reworded it, see if that works.
    • The article never introduces the fact that they dealt with slavers before this point. You should establish this previously: " Nirama hoped the duo would stop business with slavers"
      • Mentioned.
    • Ditto per the first objection: "and Kal was eaten alive by them, trapped in an abandoned space mine."
      • Fixed.
    • I would recommend removing this out of irrelevance. Just identify the line of succession. Individual accomplishments of others isn't necessary: ", who had been put into a coma when the Wayward Son, named the Stellar Envoy by Jadak, slammed his escape pod into another ship." Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:08, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
      • It's purely out of context, I don't think it would benefit the article by deleting it IMO.
        • Given DC's extended absence, I've gone ahead and handled this objection myself. Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:52, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks for the review. DC 03:17, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
    • WE need to fix that spice mine first i think.user:ason trayon—Vote removed as per voting policy decision
  3. Is the famous bouny hunter known? --Eyrezer 22:05, 28 February 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 22:25, 21 March 2009 (UTC)