Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Hahrynyar

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Hahrynyar

  • Nominated by: Trak Nar Ramble on 03:57, May 18, 2011 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: He's old, he's cantankerous, he doomed the Death Star.

(4 ACs/2 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote --Eyrezer 07:19, May 20, 2011 (UTC)
  2. ACvote Kilson(Let's have a chat) 02:20, May 21, 2011 (UTC)
  3. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 14:09, May 21, 2011 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 17:06, May 22, 2011 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Menkooroo 12:04, May 23, 2011 (UTC)
  6. ~SavageBOB sig 04:36, May 25, 2011 (UTC)

Object

Eyrezer

A few things:

  • You need to hide the Biological header in the infobox.
  • You need to add a first appearance tag.
  • There are a few sentences that do not read fluently:
    • "His fur had become gray with age, and when he would become stubborn, he would forget how to understand Basic."
    • "He demanded for Kaarz's authority to alter the plans to be presented to him in writing"
    • "With how he treated his job as a crew chief"
      • Nixed that bit entirely and replaced it with "Due to the Wookiee's attitude," Trak Nar Ramble on 07:38, May 18, 2011 (UTC)
  • Can you mention that he was a Wookiee at the start of the biography? --Eyrezer 07:26, May 18, 2011 (UTC)
  • "In 1 BBY, during construction, Hahrynyar had gotten into an argument with Teela Kaarz, a Mirialan architect who specialized in encapsulated arcology, concerning the Wookiee's placement of a secondary thermal exhaust port below the main port." Can you mention the Wookiee's placement of the exhaust port first, then the argument that followed it? --Eyrezer 07:12, May 20, 2011 (UTC)
QGJ
  • The intro should be cut down considerably. It is currently the same size as the bio.
  • A bit of context on the Death Star, please.
  • Please elaborate on how exactly the exhaust ports became the doom of the Death Star. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 10:59, May 18, 2011 (UTC)
Kilson
  • In the infobox, please put the Empire in the Affiliation field.
  • Also, add a mention of the Empire in the Intro.
  • "Hahrynyar was an old male Wookiee who worked as a slave during the construction of the first Death Star. Hahrynyar served as the shift chief on a subsector of Sector N-One of the Death Star." You can probably combine these two sentences.
  • Just as a note, we do not put double spaces after every sentence. Please go through and correct this.
  • In the intro and Bio, could you give a time reference, i.e. a year.
  • "as Kaarz had apparently never obtained the authorization to remove them." Please don't use "apparently", that would imply that you are inferring something. Either something happened or something didn't.
  • Please add a mention or at least a pipelink to the Battle of Yavin.
  • In the P&t, "Grizzled and stubborn, Hahrynyar would sometimes forget how to understand Basic." Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't the book say the Wookiee would intentionally forget Basic so he didn't have to communicate with his superiors?
    • Must have missed that during my initial re-read. Fixed now. Trak Nar Ramble on 04:12, May 20, 2011 (UTC)
  • Otherwise, nice job. Kilson(Let's have a chat) 02:23, May 20, 2011 (UTC)
Moffship
  • Context is needed on Teela Kaarz in the intro.
  • I think some elaboration on his illness is needed for the intro as well.
  • "Kaarz told the Wookiee that she had the authority to change the blueprints, which Hahrynyar demanded to see in writing." - I'm a bit confused here. What exactly does he want to see in writing - the blueprints, or Kaarz's authorization to change them?
  • At the end of the bio, I think it would be appropriate to confirm that the Alliance used the exhaust port to destroy the Death Star, rather than leave it vague.
  • Is it really necessary to mention when the Death Star paperback was released in the BTS?
  • No other quotes?
    • Scoured his page appearances and dug out at least something. He wasn't necessarily very quotable, considering his dialogue would throw spellcheck into a fit of convulsions. Trak Nar Ramble on 06:03, May 22, 2011 (UTC)
      • I probably should have elaborated on this one. I meant to ask if there were any quotes mentioning him, since the Shyriiwook dialogue is incomprehensible, but what you did looks good. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 17:06, May 22, 2011 (UTC)
  • That's all. Nice job. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 17:06, May 21, 2011 (UTC)
Can-tankerous!
  • There are a couple of things in the intro that could use just one extra word of context: I know it seems obvious that "Empire" means "Galactic Empire," but there are quite a few Empires throughout galactic history. Also, could "battlestation" or "superweapon" or something be added after the first mention of "Death Star?"
    • Fixed and threw "armored battlestation" at the end of that sentence. Trak Nar Ramble on 07:45, May 23, 2011 (UTC)
  • I think that 0 BBY is a better estimate than 1 BBY --- the BBY dating system presents the Battle of Yavin as taking place on New Year's Eve between 0 BBY and 0 ABY, so anything that happens within the twelve months prior to the battle is actually in 0 BBY.
  • I think that there are a few more details from Death Star that should be in the bio. Teela's line "Get the exchangers unpacked and a crew started installing them, and we'll get back to the philosophy of exhaust ports later, okay?" after their first encounter in the novel gives an idea of what the Wookiee's up to for a while afterward. A brief note that he had a conversation with Uli in sick bay where Uli diagnosed him, and that the convo was translated by C-4ME-0, is probably in order, too.
  • A little nitpicky, but can you explicitly say that the Alliance destroyed the Death Star at the end of the bio? The current hinting is a little vague. And maybe mention what the precise hit needed to be (proton torpedoes).
    • Added. Trak Nar Ramble on 07:45, May 23, 2011 (UTC)
      • I don't know if it's necessary to mention Luke specifically --- doing so requires additional context and starts to distract from the subject at hand; it might be best to just leave it at "the Alliance" destroying it. Menkooroo 08:07, May 23, 2011 (UTC)
  • Really good work. Impressively concise with not a word of fluff or extraneousness. Bravo! Menkooroo 07:30, May 23, 2011 (UTC)
Prepare to be savaged…
  • Can you remove the note that he was old from the opening sentence? He presumably wasn't old his entire life. Alternatively, you could rephrase: "Hahrynyar was a male Wookiee who, in his old age, worked as a slave for the Galactic Empire during the construction of the first Death Star…" or somesuch. ~SavageBOB sig 15:54, May 23, 2011 (UTC)
    • My apologies. I added that in my copy-edit, so I removed it myself. I hope that's OK Trak. Kilson(Let's have a chat) 01:33, May 24, 2011 (UTC)
  • Does the book not provide Basic translations for his quotes? It sounds like there's a translator droid involved, and if possible, it'd be nice to include that droid's translations in the quotes. ~SavageBOB sig 20:52, May 24, 2011 (UTC)
    • The translator droid is only in the chapter where Hahrynyar is out sick, and even then, there's no explicit translation, just the prose saying what he said. When he's speaking with Teela, she will sometimes paraphrase what he asked and answer it. Otherwise, there's no explicit translation. If there was, I would have added it. Trak Nar Ramble on 03:53, May 25, 2011 (UTC)
  • You'll need to mention his gray hair somewhere, probably P&T. ~SavageBOB sig 20:55, May 24, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 06:35, May 25, 2011 (UTC)