- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Finn Vaal
- Nominated by: IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 03:20, February 14, 2012 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: FloydProject: Lost Tribe.
(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)
Support
Cavalier One
(Squadron channel) 09:24, February 14, 2012 (UTC)- Exiled Jedi
(Greetings) 05:22, February 18, 2012 (UTC) - —NAYAYEN 23:31, February 21, 2012 (UTC)
- Clone Commander Lee Talk 12:13, February 27, 2012 (UTC)
grunny@wookieepedia:~$ 13:13, March 9, 2012 (UTC)- —Cal Jedi (Personal Comm Channel) 02:03, March 18, 2012 (UTC)
Object
Lee's charge
Could you make it a little bit clearer that Kesh is a planet in the intro and the bio?- Done.
Do we know if he was killed on Kesh?- I guess. Added to the infobox.
Could you give a little bit more context on the Sith in the bio?- Usually you don't need to do that, you assume the reader has knowledge of something as basic as that.
- I agree with you. Clone Commander Lee Talk 12:13, February 27, 2012 (UTC)
- Usually you don't need to do that, you assume the reader has knowledge of something as basic as that.
- Good job. Clone Commander Lee Talk 09:55, February 26, 2012 (UTC)
- Thanks for the review. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 01:12, February 27, 2012 (UTC)
Moffship
"Son of Zhari and Adari Vaal, Finn's father died when he was young..." - This wording implies that Finn's father was the son of Zhari and Adari Vaal; please correct this. Also, you may want to break up the sentence of which that phrase is a part.- Fixed.
"In 5,000 BBY, after Adari Vaal happened across a group of crashed Sith who claimed to be the Keshiri gods, the Skyborn, Finn's mother was honored, and, over the coming years, Finn became devoted to the supposed Skyborn." - Likewise, this sentence could also be split up. (The part about Finn's mother should also be reworded to focus more on Finn.)- Fixed.
A bit of context on why Finn was exempt from labor would be beneficial (you might be able to work this in with the information on Finn's mother being honored).- Fixed.
In the bio, it might be best to mention Finn's brother a little earlier; this way, you could avoid any confusion regarding "Finn, his brother, Tona, and his mother..."- Done.
"Adari came across a group of Sith who proclaimed themselves to be the Keshiri gods, the Skyborn." - To better link this with the previous sentence, might I suggest adding something like "While in the mountains" or "While the rest of the family was in hiding" to the beginning of this sentence?- Done.
Before mentioning Finn's death, you should probably clarify that he did join a work crew, since you only mention that he insisted on joining one before saying he died.- Done.
- That's all for now. Grand Moff Tranner (Comlink) 19:52, March 2, 2012 (UTC)
- Thanks for the review. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 23:45, March 6, 2012 (UTC)
- Objection(s) overridden by AgriCorps 23:17, March 17, 2012 (UTC)
- Thanks for the review. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 23:45, March 6, 2012 (UTC)
Comments
Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 02:03, March 18, 2012 (UTC)
- Since the Skyborn seem to be an element of the Keshiri religion, I've created a redlink for the religion itself. It's up to you whether or not you want to create the article. Grand Moff Tranner (Comlink) 19:52, March 2, 2012 (UTC)