Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Dust Dancer

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Dust Dancer

• Nominated by: Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 01:31, June 23, 2011 (UTC)
• Nomination comments:Intro ship to another Jedi rebellion. YIPEE!!

(5 ACs/0 Users/5 Total)

Support

1. Good work. Thanks for putting up with me and my objections. :p Grand Moff Tranner ^(Comlink) 01:21, July 12, 2011 (UTC)
   • Any time. :D Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 03:36, July 12, 2011 (UTC)
2. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:06, July 13, 2011 (UTC)
3. Kilson^{(Let's have a chat)} 19:34, July 13, 2011 (UTC)
4. grunny@wookieepedia:~$ 10:38, July 19, 2011 (UTC)
5. Cavalier One^{(Squadron channel)} 23:16, July 24, 2011 (UTC)

Object

Moffship

• Quick preliminary objection before I review - please break up the block paragraph that is the History section. Grand Moff Tranner ^(Comlink) 02:05, July 3, 2011 (UTC)
  • How's that? Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 17:29, July 5, 2011 (UTC)
    • Well, there's a new issue with the section due to your changes. Please look through the section and try to find what I'm talking about. Additionally, the article is in need of a good copyedit; please take care of this before I review any further. Grand Moff Tranner ^(Comlink) 22:45, July 5, 2011 (UTC)
      • Did you mean the sourcing?
      • What do you mean by copyedit? I believe a copyedit is just correcting the minor mistakes. i.e. spelling, grammar, linking. Is that correct? Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 23:06, July 5, 2011 (UTC)
        • Yes, to both. As far as the copyedit goes, there are a few things that I noticed after glancing through the article. For example, in the infobox, "80 meters" should be used rather than "80m." There are also some linking issues - "Command Center" links to something that has nothing to do with starships. Lastly for now, there are some grammatical issues, too, such as missing spaces after commas or incorrect usage of dashes. Grand Moff Tranner ^(Comlink) 23:11, July 5, 2011 (UTC)
          • OK how's that? Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 23:26, July 5, 2011 (UTC)
• Some of the infobox fields should be filled in. For example, we know the Dust Dancer had engines and a hyperdrive and could carry shuttles.
  • How's that?
    • For the record, you don't need to use punctuation in the infobox. Grand Moff Tranner ^(Comlink) 02:28, July 7, 2011 (UTC)
      • OK I'll remember that.
• The "role" field should probably be left simply as "Transport." There's no need to explain what it transported there.
  • OK.
• Is the ship referred to as "Dust Dancer" or "the Dust Dancer" in Conviction? You use the latter throughout most of the article, yet the intro uses the former. (This would also apply to the shuttle DeepRay.)
  • Fixed.
• While it is important to note that the DeepRay was part of the Dancer's complement, is it necessary to mention how it transported Jedi to the Senate Building? (This also applies to the end of the History section.)
  • OK.
    • The mentioning of the DeepRay and the shuttle attachment points seems awkward in its current placement the intro (especially since you use the verb "contained"). Please rephrase. Grand Moff Tranner ^(Comlink) 02:28, July 7, 2011 (UTC)
      • Is that better?
• "It had a ball for the command center at one end, many engines at the other end, and in-between was a connecting spar." - This sentence should be rephrased; try describing the ship as if you were going from the bow to the stern.
  • Got it.
    • Now that I think about it, it might be best to just mention the spar in the last sentence of the Description section. Grand Moff Tranner ^(Comlink) 02:28, July 7, 2011 (UTC)
      • Is that what you mean?
        • I made some changes. Grand Moff Tranner ^(Comlink) 02:17, July 8, 2011 (UTC)
          • OK great.
• How exactly is the smuggling compartment "shielded?"
  • Fixed.
    • I didn't say remove it completely. It's still relevant to that section. Grand Moff Tranner ^(Comlink) 02:28, July 7, 2011 (UTC)
      • After looking at the book more closely, I saw that the smuggling compartments were in the Deepray. Do you still what me to add that? or just leave that for the article DeepRay? Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 02:46, July 7, 2011 (UTC)
        • If the compartment was aboard the DeepRay, then there is no need to mention it here. Grand Moff Tranner ^(Comlink) 02:17, July 8, 2011 (UTC)
          • Got it.
• A lot of context is needed for the events mentioned in the first paragraph of the History section. Why exactly were the celebrities kidnapped? Where were they held? What attacks? Why was Terrik working with the Jedi Order? Etc.
  • OK.
    • It still isn't clear that Terrik planned to take the celebrities hostage in the first place - you might need to include some brief mentions of the events of Vortex here to clarify. Additionally, saying that Terrik worked with the Order to "help protect the Order" doesn't make much sense. Grand Moff Tranner ^(Comlink) 02:28, July 7, 2011 (UTC)
      • Is that better?
• In the second paragraph, you say Octa Ramis was piloting the Dancer, but then you say Ramis was in the smuggling compartment. How could she be piloting from the compartment?
  • Oops. Fixed.
• You say the Jedi brought the Dancer to Borleias, mention that Dorvald was on Borleias, but then say that the Dancer was still in orbit. How did Dorvald get from the ship to the planet?
  • Fixed.
• "Karenzi realized that there had to have been a mistake, but he decided to sign for it and keep it himself, hidden in a storage pod." - You need to clarify here what Karenzi signed for and then hid.
  • Fixed.
    • I did some reworking of the second paragraph to improve the flow. Please make sure all the details are correct. Grand Moff Tranner ^(Comlink) 02:28, July 7, 2011 (UTC)
      • Thanks, looks good.
• For the third paragraph, you need to explain the Jedi's plot in some more detail. Why did they want to ferry the celebrities back to Coruscant aboard the Dancer?
  • How's that?
    • The Dust Dancer's role in the whole plot still isn't clear. Additionally, you need to mention why the Jedi wanted to attack the Senate Building in the first place. Grand Moff Tranner ^(Comlink) 02:28, July 7, 2011 (UTC)
      • Is that what you were looking for?
        • I'm not seeing any major changes here. I would also suggest incorporating the last sentence of the first paragraph of the section into the third paragraph (which I presume you added in response to this objection). Grand Moff Tranner ^(Comlink) 02:17, July 8, 2011 (UTC)
          • Is that more what you were looking for? Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 16:58, July 8, 2011 (UTC)
• A "Commanders and crew" section is needed.
  • I've never done a "Commanders and crew" section before, so see how that is. Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 02:23, July 6, 2011 (UTC)
    • It's good, but remember to include the reference. Grand Moff Tranner ^(Comlink) 02:28, July 7, 2011 (UTC)
      • OK I'll remember that.
• I'll give the article another review once these objections are handled. Grand Moff Tranner ^(Comlink) 00:06, July 6, 2011 (UTC)
• I'll try and fix these as best as I can, but Conviction doesn't explain the things you mentioned above very well. Most of what I originally had in the article is what the author said about it. But I'll try to fix it up some. Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 00:28, July 6, 2011 (UTC)
  • Sorry. I was a little confused. The book gets kinda confusing when it talks about the Dust Dancer and the DeepRay so I was getting some of the stuff backwards. But, I think I finally figured it out. Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 02:11, July 6, 2011 (UTC)
• One more thing: Currently, every section (including the intro) starts with the phrase "The Dust Dancer..." Please reword some of these sentences to add some variety. Grand Moff Tranner ^(Comlink) 02:28, July 7, 2011 (UTC)
  • How's that? Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 03:08, July 7, 2011 (UTC)
• (Continuing objection regarding the first and third paragraphs of the History section here.) Regarding the information in the first paragraph, there's no need to go into detail about why the Jedi needed to leave Coruscant. I think saying "...from moving to control the Jedi Order, which planned to deploy its forces off Coruscant against the wishes of Chief of State Daala" or something similar would suffice.
  • Is that more like it? Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 01:13, July 10, 2011 (UTC)
• As far as the third paragraph goes, it's very choppy. I tried rephrasing it myself, but the resulting paragraph did not resemble the original at all, which is why I didn't save the changes. It's difficult for me to explain what I'm looking for here; the most I can do right now is link you to my version of the paragraph and see if that helps. Grand Moff Tranner ^(Comlink) 17:18, July 9, 2011 (UTC)
  • OK how does that look? Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 01:24, July 10, 2011 (UTC)

Cav

• Can you check something - I seem to recall that the ship doesn't actually belong to Booster, but he arranged to have it loaned to him or something similar as the ship had a clean registry that was untraceable to Terrik. - Cavalier One^{(Squadron channel)} 11:10, July 14, 2011 (UTC)
  • If I recall correctly, Terrik owned it, but didn't use it for illigitimate activities. And he loaned it to the Jedi Order. Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 01:39, July 15, 2011 (UTC)
    • Booster Terrik, once a smuggler and presumably long retired from that profession, but with connections to that trade that never seemed to become fewer in number, had arranged for the Dust Dancer to be loaned to them. A legitimate cargo transport owned by a legitimate company, it had an unsullied record. My reading is that Booster arranged for the loan of a vessel from a contact. It doesn't explicitly state that he owned the vessel. The article should be amended, unless there's another passage in the book claiming otherwise. - Cavalier One^{(Squadron channel)} 18:11, July 20, 2011 (UTC)
      • Check that out. Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 20:18, July 20, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 23:19, July 24, 2011 (UTC)