Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Desolation Station

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Desolation Station

  • Nominated by: Geek'ari Talk 03:28, June 9, 2016 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: My second GA nom/My second pet project :P

(0 ACs/3 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. JorrelWiki-shrinkableFraajic 00:56, June 13, 2016 (UTC)
  2. Good job! - AV-6R7Crew Pit 03:22, June 13, 2016 (UTC)
  3. Looks good. Ayrehead02 (talk) 10:10, August 7, 2016 (UTC)

Object

Ayrehead
  • Good job so far, but there a few things that need tweaking. Firstly the information about the scientists and workers being dealt with at the station following the actions of Teller's cell needs to be included in the body. Ayrehead02 (talk) 06:26, June 9, 2016 (UTC)
    • OK, I added a sentence about their capture and interrogation. Unfortunately, it wasn't stated in the book what happened to them after they were tortured for info.Geek'ari Talk 12:22, June 9, 2016 (UTC)
      • The information you've added about what happened to Teller's cell is good, but I was actually referring to the warehouse workers and scientists from Desolation that are mentioned in the intro quote. Ayrehead02 (talk) 20:17, June 14, 2016 (UTC)
        • Ah, OK. As far as I can tell, all of the mentioned scientists and warehouse workers were part of Teller's cell, so their fate was the same as the rest of those rebels. I made that more clear in the article.Geek'ari Talk 00:43, June 15, 2016 (UTC)
  • The Intro should be expanded to include a little more information on the defectors and their punishment as well as Teller's cell slowing work. Ayrehead02 (talk) 06:26, June 9, 2016 (UTC)
  • A few things in the body need more context, for example you should say that the clone wars was between the republic and the separatists and then identify Dooku as head of the separatists when you mention him. Geonosis and the Antar Atrocity could also use a little more context. Ayrehead02 (talk) 06:26, June 9, 2016 (UTC)
  • It's worth mentioning that the construction project on Geonosis' moon was known as Sentinel Base. Ayrehead02 (talk) 06:26, June 9, 2016 (UTC)
  • Could you go into a little more detail on what exactly Teller's cell did that set the base back four years. Ayrehead02 (talk) 06:26, June 9, 2016 (UTC)
    • I accidentally worded that sentence poorly in the previous version of the article. Actually, the rebel cell attempted to set the Empire back, and failed. I fixed that point and info on it. Thanks for the advice!Geek'ari Talk 12:22, June 9, 2016 (UTC)
  • After looking briefly at the novel again it seems this article is missing a fair amount of the smaller details given about the station. The novel states that Teller was reassigned to be head of security at Desolation shortly after the Antar Atrocity but then vanished shortly after arriving. During his short time there he could have learned about the Carrion Spike, which is what led to its theft. The many fugitive staff members were often blamed for attacks on Imperial targets. Artoz arrived at desolation after three years of work had already been done on the hyperdrive. These are all detail I found just by using Ctrl-F to look through the first few mentions of Desolation Station in the ebook, so I imagine there are other details further on that are missing as well. While a lot of this might seem trivial, for an article to reach status all these kinds of details need to be included. I hate to ask, but could you go back through and make sure you've included everything pertaining to the station? I'd do a more thorough search myself to help, but sadly most of my time at the moment is taken up with exams. Ayrehead02 (talk) 20:17, June 14, 2016 (UTC)
    • Ah yes, I remember reading that stuff, I forgot to include it when I made the article. Thanks for pointing that out. I have the ebook as well, and I searched through and I think you pretty much covered what I missed. I added now, but I'll keep looking for more just in case.Geek'ari Talk 00:43, June 15, 2016 (UTC)
      • Could you have another look through the book? I still feel as though there's some bits and pieces you've missed. Another brief glance found that even Tarkin could only access a few files on Desolation Station while researching Teller, showing how highly classified it was. There is also a paragraph at the end of the book detailing how Tarkin ensured various changes at Desolation station were made after the Teller's cell were defeated through meetings with the Joint Military Chiefs and Intelligence directors. If I'm finding information like this just by reading one or two lines around ctrl-f of desolation station then I'm sure there's more elsewhere that's relevant as well. Ayrehead02 (talk) 20:52, July 1, 2016 (UTC)
        • OK, I'm on it. I'm a tad busy at the moment, so it may take a while, but I'll read through it, take notes, etc. Geek'ari Talk 12:44, July 7, 2016 (UTC)
        • OK, I looked through the book, found the stuff you mentioned, plus a little extra. Sorry so much information was absent from the article. I really should have been more thorough. Thanks so much for helping me with this. :) Geek'ari Talk 13:13, July 15, 2016 (UTC)
AV-6R7
  • Please clean up the flow of the Bts.
    • OK, done. How does it look now? Geek'ari Talk 18:43, June 9, 2016 (UTC)
  • Not all of the info in the Bts section can be sourced to the relaunch article.
    • Alrighty, I sourced it to Tarkin as well. Is that how it should be? Geek'ari Talk 18:43, June 9, 2016 (UTC)
  • Can we get a release date for Elite Squadron? - AV-6R7Crew Pit 18:30, June 9, 2016 (UTC)
  • I opted to fix the issues myself. There were some major referencing errors, and the canon reboot isn't really relevant to Desolation Station itself. I also added that it only appears in the DS version of Elite Squadron. BTW, the release date of ES can't be sourced from the game itself. - AV-6R7Crew Pit 19:07, June 9, 2016 (UTC)
    • Ah, OK. Now I see what you were saying. It looks much better now, nice job! Geek'ari Talk 19:11, June 9, 2016 (UTC)
    • Oh, as for the canon-reboot thing, I thought that was relevant because it would explain to the casual reader why it wasn't canon because of Elite Squadrons. Are you sure it wouldn't be better with the inclusion of that info? Geek'ari Talk 19:14, June 9, 2016 (UTC)
      • I don't think the casual reader really cares. If they're interested, they can click on the Legends link. - AV-6R7Crew Pit 19:33, June 9, 2016 (UTC)
  • According to the Databank entry for the Death Star, "Even as the Clone Wars raged, the Death Star secretly took shape in space above Geonosis." The article currently states that construction of the Death Star began after the Clone Wars. Please fix this. - AV-6R7Crew Pit 02:49, June 13, 2016 (UTC)
    • Ooh, interesting. OK, I fixed it. Geek'ari Talk 03:00, June 13, 2016 (UTC)
      • I'd move the mention of the construction taking place over Geonosis to the new sentence. - AV-6R7Crew Pit 03:08, June 13, 2016 (UTC)
        • Good point. Fixed.Geek'ari Talk 03:16, June 13, 2016 (UTC)
          • Did a little more adjusting, but it looks good. - AV-6R7Crew Pit 03:18, June 13, 2016 (UTC)
            • Thanks so much for the help! Geek'ari Talk 03:20, June 13, 2016 (UTC)
Jorrel
  • Add/reorder some context to the Death Star in the intro - it's mentioned that it's a superweapon in the sentence after it's mentioned, but it's not immediately clear in the intro that the Death Star is a superweapon to one unfamiliar with the saga.
  • Trouble from rebels: Mention that Artoz was working for the rebel cell in the quote attribution, because (assuming the quote is correct) Luceno's word choice is bizarre and suggests Artoz is working for both teams at the same time:
    "Even with perfected plans and redoubling of our efforts, I suspect that we will set them back four years." Artoz uses "our" for the redoubling efforts of the scientists, and immediately follows it up with a "we" regarding attacking the convoy.
    • Agh, sorry. I made a mistake in the quote. It says "their" instead of "our". Sorry about that, that's a mistake I shouldn't have allowed to happen.Geek'ari Talk 22:06, June 12, 2016 (UTC)
  • Where along the route did the cell attack the convoy? That could be added to the sentence with the hit-and-run attack.
    • OK, I added that it occurred over the moon.Geek'ari Talk 22:06, June 12, 2016 (UTC)
  • Reasoning for having the Death Star databank entry in the Sources list? I don't see Desolation Station mentioned at all.
    • The Death Star image is sourced to that.Geek'ari Talk 22:06, June 12, 2016 (UTC)
      • Ah. You actually don't need to source the article to the databank entry based on that image, because the image itself sources to the databank much like the "Notes and references" links to the miscellaneous non-Tarkin information. The "Sources" section is for information specific to the article itself—in this case, Desolation Station—rather than the affiliated information, like the source for the Death Star image.
  • As for the BTS info regarding canonization, I suggest leaving it in. It's been fairly SOP to mention any time something from Legends is brought over into Canon, from what I've seen. That said, I would suggest reordering the sentences so that the canon mention is primary. Something like:
    Desolation Station was first mentioned in canon in James Luceno's novel Tarkin, released on November 4, 2014. The station had previously appeared in Star Wars Legends, featured in the Nintendo DS version of the video game Star Wars Battlefront: Elite Squadtion, released on November 13, 2009.
    • OK, I kinda just added a small mention of it to AV-6R7's Bts, mentioning the reboot a little. What'd'ya think?Geek'ari Talk 22:06, June 12, 2016 (UTC)
  • Some miscellaneous points: use — (check edit for code) for dashes setting aside a phrase (example: "...interrogated—though Teller himself escaped—ending...") and avoid abbreviations (Dr. --> Doctor). I fixed both but bear in mind for future work. JorrelWiki-shrinkableFraajic 16:18, June 11, 2016 (UTC)
    • OK, I added a few. Thanks for the help!Geek'ari Talk 22:06, June 12, 2016 (UTC)
      • The — suggestion was specifically referring to the singular use of dashes (the one I mentioned) in the original review, not a request to change every set-aside phrase from commas to dashes. Commas are perfectly fine in such a method, and I returned one such use because it flowed better the original way. Sorry for the confusion, and good job! JorrelWiki-shrinkableFraajic 00:56, June 13, 2016 (UTC)
Imperators II
  • The quote in "The Death Star" subsection is missing some punctuation.
  • You say that Palpatine "formed the Empire from the ashes of the Galactic Republic" and source it to Episode III - but the Republic was victorious in the Clone Wars. What exactly reduced it to "ashes"?
  • The phrase "construction continued" is used in two sentences in a row. Please vary the wording.
  • "Desolation Station, together with Sentinel Base, played key roles in overseeing material shipments to the world" - what world?
  • "the positioning of the Death Star turbolaser's massive kyber crystals" - was this meant to be superlaser or a plural form of turbolasers?
  • "Doctor Artoz, a scientist who later rebelled against the Empire, was one such scientist" - this sentence can be reduced to the awkward "Artoz, a scientist, was one such scientist". Could you please reword this?
  • "These scientists took security oaths" - we try to avoid "this" and "these" in status article nominations, in order to comply with the past tense requirement of in-universe articles. Please reword here and elsewhere in the article.
  • Is there any indication of the timeframe for both the desertions and the rebel cell's activities, including the attack near the Gulf of Tatooine? I'm seeing mentions of "fourteen years before the Battle of Yavin" elsewhere on the site, is this accurate? If so, please add the info.
  • "Many of the deserters joined a rebel cell and fought their own personal war against the Empire," - you should specify here that the cell was lead by Teller.
  • "Many of those remaining in the Empire's service believed Teller had been assassinated by COMPNOR, while rumors spread elsewhere that Teller had allowed information concerning the Antar Atrocity to surface, even bringing it to the ears of reporters such as Anora Fair and Hask Taff." - what has this got to do with Desolation Station?
  • And what has the paragraph about the Carrion Spike got to do with Desolation Station?
  • "To keep tabs" is informal, please reword.
  • You use the word "convoy" in three consecutive sentences. Could you reword this?
  • Please create an article for the attack near the Gulf of Tatooine.
  • Context for Wilhuff Tarkin, please.
  • "They dictated that no shipments would travel" - who dictated? a) Tarkin & the officers, b) the background checks, or c) the Desolation Station scientists & officers? Please clarify.
  • Context for Outer Rim Territories. Imperators II(Talk) 12:29, August 7, 2016 (UTC)

Comments

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)

  1. ACvote Idle objections past two weeks. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 23:15, August 21, 2016 (UTC)
  2. ACvote Exiled Jedi (talk) 23:21, August 21, 2016 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 23:25, August 21, 2016 (UTC)