Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Dal Azim

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Dal Azim

  • Nominated by: Panther436 (talk) 18:57, 26 March 2022 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:
  • WookieeProject (optional): WP:THR

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

(Votes required: No additional votes required to pass, please consider reviewing another article.)

Support

  1. ACvote Great work! I look forward to seeing more nominations from you! OOM 224 17:17, 17 April 2022 (UTC)
  2. ACvote UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 03:31, 30 April 2022 (UTC)
  3. LucaRoR Sigil of House Serenno (Talk) 06:22, 30 April 2022 (UTC)
  4. Nice work. Per OOM, hope to see more from you. Erebus Chronus (Talk) 19:06, 3 May 2022 (UTC)
  5. ACvote Good job! 1358 (Talk) 12:49, 6 May 2022 (UTC)

Object

Spooky
  • You should include a {{Mediacat}} under 'Appearances' to carry Azim's audio files.
  • His species and gender need to be included somewhere in the body, as of now they're intro/infoblox exclusive.
    • Added to beginning of Biography Panther436 (talk) 02:46, 28 March 2022 (UTC)
  • Could a quote not be found for Biography?
    • Chose his only other significant quote Panther436 (talk) 02:46, 28 March 2022 (UTC)
  • Per Tempest Runner's main page, the events seem to be able to be narrowed to prior to c. 231 BBY (with the addition of a dating note similar to the one here)
    • Added to intro and Biography Panther436 (talk) 02:46, 28 March 2022 (UTC)
  • The pages on Penguin Random House and such aren't considered sources, so that needn't be there.
  • Was the event in a flashback? If so, both the script and the audio drama should have the corresponding template in appearances: currently one does, other does not.
  • The intro could be expanded slightly.—spookywillowwtalk 17:16, 27 March 2022 (UTC)
OOM
  • Welcome to the GAN! Good work overall; here are my preliminary objections:
    • Ambiguous terms such as "managed to" are typically reserved for when there's a special need for them, so it's best to remove it here.
    • Files and templates need to use underscores in place of spaces (e.g. [[File:Luke_Skywalker.jpg]], not [[File:Luke Skywalker.jpg]]).
    • Since attack on the Zygerrian slave camp is a conjecturally titled article, "attack" should not be capitalised in the date reference.
    • The date reference should be fully cited as well. Some of the info in it is from Tempest Runner, but that book isn't mentioned in it. Also, you have established that the attack must take place before Light of the Jedi, but that doesn't necessarily mean it took place before the year in which LOTJ took place. Would "by 232 BBY" be a more accurate timeframe for the attack?
      • Sourced and adjusted for accuracy Panther436 (talk) 21:44, 13 April 2022 (UTC)
    • When pipelinking, always place all characters inside the link brackets (e.g. [[TIE/ln space superiority starfighter|TIE fighters]], not [[TIE/ln space superiority starfighter|TIE fighter]]s).
      • Should italicized links be written as ''[[The High Republic: Tempest Runner]]'' or [[The High Republic: Tempest Runner|''The High Republic: Tempest Runner'']] ? Panther436 (talk) 21:22, 13 April 2022 (UTC)
        • Sorry, should have been more specific. The former is correct. I was just referring to "[[Standard year|year]]s" when I raised the objection. OOM 224 21:27, 13 April 2022 (UTC)
          • Thank you! This has been addressed now Panther436 (talk) 21:44, 13 April 2022 (UTC)
    • You should try to use language more organically when mentioning characters. For example, instead of saying "a Zygerrian Keeper named X," you could just say "the Zygerrian Keeper X."
    • The term "enslaved person" is preferred over "slave," so you could say "the enslaved Twi'lek Lourna Dee" instead. OOM 224 14:17, 13 April 2022 (UTC)
      • Rewrote to use preferred term throughout the article Panther436 (talk) 21:44, 13 April 2022 (UTC)
        • Excellent. I'll continue the review within a few days' time. OOM 224 21:45, 13 April 2022 (UTC)
  • Please make sure the image file links are ordered like so: [[File_name|thumb|location|size|caption]]. The size field should look something like "150px"
  • "Afterward" is preferred to "Afterwards" in formal writing
  • Is there a reason why one part of the "Powers and abilities" section is sourced to the audio drama while another part is sourced to the script? OOM 224 14:02, 17 April 2022 (UTC)
    • What exactly Dal does when he uses the Force is only explicitly stated in the script. I updated the sourcing in the biography section to reflect this. Panther436 (talk) 17:04, 17 April 2022 (UTC)
      • Ah, cool, that makes sense. OOM 224 17:17, 17 April 2022 (UTC)
Luca
  • The release year for the script is missing.
  • Since the audiobook doesn't mention Azim's surname, the first mention of it should be referenced to the script.
  • Per Layout Guide, the mediacat should be placed under "Notes and references" since it interferes with the titles in Appearances.
  • Affiliation to the Galactic Republic?
    • Unsure what you meant by this. I changed the wording slightly in the biography. Are you suggesting it included in the affiliation section of the infobox? Panther436 (talk) 17:42, 23 April 2022 (UTC)
      • Yeah, but I guess it's better to avoid making the assumption. LucaRoR Sigil of House Serenno (Talk) 06:22, 30 April 2022 (UTC)
  • Inconsistent referencing for human between the body and the infobox.
  • In P&T: "He comforted her, telling her that she was safe." In my opinion, this sentence is redundant to the precedent one. LucaRoR Sigil of House Serenno (Talk) 17:54, 21 April 2022 (UTC)
    • Reworded to remove redundancy. Panther436 (talk) 17:42, 23 April 2022 (UTC)
UberSoldat
  • Please check your image caption punctuation.
    • Fixed what I think you were referring to Panther436 (talk) 20:01, 27 April 2022 (UTC)
      • My point being that only full sentences get full stops. Your current captions are not full sentences. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 03:50, 28 April 2022 (UTC)
        • Ah I understand now, thanks. Fixed! Panther436 (talk) 21:06, 28 April 2022 (UTC)
  • I would like to see some sectioning in the article, ideally between them freeing Dee and then them removing the collar. Currently, there's hardly any space for the second image.
  • The third paragraph can use a break, which further warrants sectioning. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 06:38, 27 April 2022 (UTC)
    • Added sectioning (including separating the third paragraph) Panther436 (talk) 20:01, 27 April 2022 (UTC)
Ecks Dee
  • I'm finding the Biography to be excessively play-by-play in some parts. In general, one should be very careful about prose-ifying dialogue. "After Kroleyic was incapacitated by Rancisis using the Force, Azim ran to check on Dee, asking if she could stand. After she said she could, Azim introduced himself and his master, telling her that they were there to help." This could be written far more concisely: "After Kroleyic was incapacitated by Rancisis using the Force, Azim ran to check on Dee, introducing himself and his master and telling her that they were there to help." No need to recount individual lines of a conversation. Please go through the entire Biography and see if there are instances where you can shorten down parts like this a bit. 1358 (Talk) 17:22, 4 May 2022 (UTC)
    • I smoothed some things out. However, I think that the focus on dialogue is a side-effect of this article being based off material from an audio drama and only really having dialogue to go off of for events. Panther436 (talk) 02:23, 5 May 2022 (UTC)
      • Looks much better now. 1358 (Talk) 12:49, 6 May 2022 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 12:49, 6 May 2022 (UTC)