Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Crofyp's task force

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Crofyp's task force

• Nominated by: — Samonic 11:28, 21 May 2022 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: Well, here we go, I've been looking forward to this. First GAN related to the "glorious" Kilji Illumine and eighth nomination on it. I have tried to apply most of the feedback received on my previous nomination to this one, let's see if I have been at least somewhat succesful…
• WookieeProject (optional): Novels Chiss

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

(Votes required: No additional votes required to pass, please consider reviewing another article.)

Support

1. doing my part to get Samonic get the Kiljipedia Expansion pack BloodOfIrizi (talk) 17:57, 30 September 2022 (UTC)
2. Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 14:10, 2 October 2022 (UTC)
3. Commander Code-8 ^{Hello There!} 07:13, 2 November 2022 (UTC)
4. MasterFred(talk) (he/him) 23:31, 19 November 2022 (UTC)
5. UberSoldat93 (talk) 13:26, 20 November 2022 (UTC)

Object

Thrawn

• Illumine Kilhorde should be added to the affiliation. -ThrawnChiss7 (talk) 10:11, 2 June 2022 (UTC)
  • No, it should not. This task force is not confirmed to be part of it, nor are the Hammer, Whetstone and Anvil. Any of these being part of the Illumine Kilhorde is speculation. Only Generalirius Nakirre is confirmed to be part of it. Samonic 12:03, 2 June 2022 (UTC)
  • General Crofyp states it too: "[…] And who are you to give orders to warships of the Illumine?" Samonic 12:16, 2 June 2022 (UTC)

Objection(s) overridden by AgriCorps 22:04, 12 June 2022 (UTC)

• The phrase "Crofyp's task force" is not mentioned in lesser evil, you will need to use Template:Conjecture -ThrawnChiss7 (talk) 20:34, 27 October 2022 (UTC)
  • Not really. "Crofyp's small task force" is used, sure, but we haven't come up with the name have we? We have merely removed the "small." I've been told by other users that this is acceptable, and I will therefore not change it. Samonic ^(Talk) 07:28, 28 October 2022 (UTC)
• Check my copy-edt -ThrawnChiss7 (talk) 20:34, 27 October 2022 (UTC)
  • I have already. Thank you for your copy-edit. Samonic ^(Talk) 07:28, 28 October 2022 (UTC)

The Dornean Navy intervenes

• "However, shortly after the laserfire impacted the Springhawk, the plasma spheres disabled the Anvil's starboard side, which prompted Qilori to order Crofyp to escape aboard the latter's flagship, insulting him, and escaping in an escape pod following Crofyp's death threats." There's too many details here to be explained in one sentence. I think the bits up to starboard side can go as one sentence, and then rework the rest as one or two sentences, whichever works better.
  • Addressed, that was a mess. Samonic 12:22, 20 July 2022 (UTC)
• I noticed for the first quote, the audio uses "and" instead of that final "but." Braha'tok enthusiast ^{Hello there} 11:43, 20 July 2022 (UTC)
  • Yes, that is correct. The novel says "but" while the audiobook says "and." Samonic 12:08, 20 July 2022 (UTC)
    • Ok, this situation is new to me, but I think that you should change the quote and attribute it to the audiobook so that it's consistent with the audiofile. Braha'tok enthusiast ^{Hello there} 16:15, 20 July 2022 (UTC)
      • I agree. The change has been made. Samonic 18:14, 20 July 2022 (UTC)

Unidentified TOR Navy (Random Crew Skill crap Fan nominated probably)

• "However, the Kiljis did not succeed, as the Nikardun blockade frigate Aelos confronted them shortly before the Chiss heavy cruiser Springhawk disabled the Anvil's starboard with the heavy cruiser's plasma spheres and fired several breacher missiles at the Anvil, destroying it." This is a little confusing in the sequence of events..so the Nikardun ship confornts them then the Chiss ship destroys them? I'd suggest rewording it, and defintely remove the mentions of the Springhawk weaponry as that's too in-depth for the intro. Fan26 (Talk) 20:38, 26 August 2022 (UTC)
  • Your crew skill nominations are interesting! I'd like to play TOR someday. (And yes, Aelos confronts the Kiljis and then the Chiss disable and destroy the Anvil) I broke that part up a bit and reworded it. How's this? "[Kiljis arrive at Rapacc] There, Crofyp's forces were confronted by the Nikardun blockade frigate Aelos, and after a brief verbal confrontation, the general prepared to attack. However, the Chiss heavy cruiser Springhawk disabled the Anvil's starboard before its assault, and soon after destroyed it while allowing the Hammer to flee to the Sunrise system through hyperspace." Samonic 22:09, 26 August 2022 (UTC)
    • Yeah, that's good. Fan26 (Talk) 19:52, 4 September 2022 (UTC)

Ziara's task force

• infobox
  • i think you can add either Jixtus's plan or Grysk conquests to the campaign section<
• Intro
  • Around 18 BBY, the task force traveled to the Unknown Regions Rapacc system in an attempt to retrieve some refugees hiding at the planet Rapacc on orders — reword this, it doesnt read very well. perhaps something along the lines of Around 18 BBy, the task force traveled to the Rapacc system in the Unknown Regions to retrieve refugees that had escaped from the planet Sunrise...
    • I have asked others and consulted it myself. I don't see a problem with how it's written. Samonic ^(Talk) 11:39, 30 September 2022 (UTC)
  • mention that the Aelos was under command of Uingali + Paccossh
• Body
  • you can shrink the date note using pipelink
  • Crofyp's task force was dispatched to retrieve some refugees at the Unknown Regions Rapacc system by the Grysk operative Jixtus, who had allied himself with the Illumine's leader, Generalirius Nakirre. same thing, reword
    • Why? As above, I see no problem. Samonic ^(Talk) 11:39, 30 September 2022 (UTC)
  • context for refugees, where they came from + why they had to leave. you'll have to break up the sentence, as well
    • Yeah, no. Them being refugees is all anyone needs to know. The word refugee means the following: "a person who has been forced to leave their country in order to escape war, persecution, or natural disaster." If the reader knows what refugees mean, they'll understand that it was one of those things. I don't consider those aliens' point of origin relevant to a Kilji task force. General Crofyp didn't even mention it. Samonic ^(Talk) 11:33, 30 September 2022 (UTC)
  • add that it was the Paccosh in command of the Aelos here too
  • remove the pipelink to Uingali, mention him by name - the frigates captain
  • add full name for Thrawn
  • escaped in an escape pod use a synonym for "escaped"
  • does the weapon Crofyp used to threaten Qilori require a page?
    • Everything is done other than the rewording bits. Weapon: No, it's just a "big black weapon." Samonic ^(Talk) 11:33, 30 September 2022 (UTC)

Manoof

• "ordering the frigate to let them enter the planet of Rapacc is unclear unless the planet is hollow. Are they entering the planet's atmosphere? orbit? Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 11:13, 2 October 2022 (UTC)
  • Rapacc isn't hollow, maybe the FateSpinner. :P Reworded, let me know if that works. Samonic ^(Talk) 13:13, 2 October 2022 (UTC)

Code-8's task force

• Does the novel describe Qilori as cowardly? Otherwise that's stepping over point of view requirements.
  • "inside the pod. He slapped the sealing control as he fell past it, managing to turn halfway over for one final look over his shoulder as he slammed onto the deck. Crofyp was standing at his station, swinging up a large black weapon toward him. Too late. The hatch rolled shut, cutting off Qilori's view and Crofyp’s last chance to punish his Pathfinder for his cowardice." - I feel like this is enough to say Qilori's cowardly. If not, I think there was something about his cowardice later in the book. If not, I'll be happy to remove it. Samonic ^(Talk) 03:56, 23 October 2022 (UTC)
    • I think we can rephrase it to sound more like it's Crofyp's perspective rather than an objective truth, eg "used a black weapon to threaten the navigator for his cowardice" Commander Code-8 ^{Hello There!} 02:18, 1 November 2022 (UTC)
      • Done, with a minor tweak to avoid using something very similar to the source. Samonic ^(Talk) 09:42, 1 November 2022 (UTC)
        • Good call Commander Code-8 ^{Hello There!} 07:13, 2 November 2022 (UTC)
• Commanders and crew shouldn't describe the personalities of the the members of the task force Commander Code-8 ^{Hello There!} 03:25, 23 October 2022 (UTC)
  • Very well. Section restructured. Samonic ^(Talk) 04:00, 23 October 2022 (UTC)

Comments

• Since audiofiles are technically not required for SAs, I'll put my comments on them here. For the history quote, the audio starts with some words that are said before, and outside of, the quote. For the first line skip, it cuts off halfway through "Springhawk." The second one guts off the trailing of "prey." And this isn't any objection either (more a personal preference), but I'd recommend trying to avoid formulating quote with that many line skips to make things less complicated. Braha'tok enthusiast ^{Hello there} 11:43, 20 July 2022 (UTC)
  • The quote will be taken care of shortly. I know it's more difficult, specially on the audio side. (For the quotes on all my Crofyp-related SAs, including this one, I spent several hours) But I'm willing to face difficulties. Samonic 12:27, 20 July 2022 (UTC)
  • I hope that my changes to the file are adequate, let me know if the audio needs further changes. (And, about audiofiles not being required for SAs: they are for Kilji articles so everyone can enjoy their pleasant voices :P) Samonic 13:12, 20 July 2022 (UTC)
• The article currently sits at 747 words. Samonic 11:51, 26 August 2022 (UTC)

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 13:26, 20 November 2022 (UTC)