Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Crispus Commons (second nomination)

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Crispus Commons

  • Nominated by: ProfessorTofty (talk) 02:29, January 23, 2015 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: I had actually intended to reply to the remaining objections yesterday, but I got distracted and then today the original nomination was closed like snap for them not being answered... so, yeah. To review, the unaswered objections were as follows, along with my responses that I'm adding, having edited the article. The objections listed were all by Ayrehead:


  • You still effectively say that Clone Wars veterans got sent their twice in the same sentence. I'd include the context for the war immediately after you mention it.
    • I have reworded this so that, as far as I can tell, the described problems no longer exist. ProfessorTofty (talk) 02:29, January 23, 2015 (UTC)
  • The extra detail on the shelter is good, but you need to mention when he actually returns to it and Hera finds him (if I'm remembering the details correctly).
  • I think the first sentence of the bts now needs to be split.


If anyone needs to see it, the original nomination and the objections/answers are here. ProfessorTofty (talk) 02:29, January 23, 2015 (UTC)

(3 ACs/5 Users/8 Total)

Support

  1. Ayrehead02 (talk) 20:03, March 17, 2015 (UTC)
  2. Brandon Rhea(talk) 20:57, March 17, 2015 (UTC)
  3. Manoof (talk) 04:22, March 18, 2015 (UTC)
  4. 501st dogma(talk) 17:16, March 18, 2015 (UTC)
  5. Calvin Schubert(talk) 01:38, April 7, 2015 (UTC)
  6. ACvote Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 20:55, June 7, 2015 (UTC)
  7. ACvote Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 01:58, June 14, 2015 (UTC)
  8. ACvote IFYLOFD (Talk) 23:35, June 15, 2015 (UTC)

Object

501st
  • "Later, Skelly revisited there to meet with Hera Syndulla..." Is "there" the apartment, or the shelter, as you go on to say that Syndulla notices what he has in the shelter.
    • Edited, and also corrected to clarify that it was actually Hera who had tracked him there, a detail I'm afraid I missed before. ProfessorTofty (talk) 23:30, February 25, 2015 (UTC)
  • Last sentence of the Description is more appropriate in the History, ideally before you say that Skelly cleans the mold out.
    • I'm not sure what you mean. The final two sentences of the Description tie into each other, and I don't see how the bit about Dooku relates to Skelly and cleaning out the mold. ProfessorTofty (talk) 23:30, February 25, 2015 (UTC)
      • That sentence is purely history stuff, so it should go in the history, not the description. You'll have to reword if of course though, to make it fit.
        • Moved and reworded, I think it should work now. ProfessorTofty (talk) 04:01, February 28, 2015 (UTC)
  • I'm not really seeing the necessity of having the last sentence of the BTS, as Skelly's living in the Commons is already covered by the body. Kill it please.
  • You have a back to back referencing to [1] in the Description. Please kill the first one, as you only need a single there.
    • Okay, that's done. ProfessorTofty (talk) 23:30, February 25, 2015 (UTC)
      • Good, but I'm seeing a back-back ref to 3 in the BtS now (I might have just missed it before).
  • According to our quote policies, you cannot use the current lead quote as a quote, as it is the character thinking something, and not actually saying it. 501st dogma(talk) 20:53, February 22, 2015 (UTC)
    • Ouch. That kinda stings, as I like that quote. Alright, though, done, and moved to the end of the quote in Behind the scenes, though I may go back to the audiobook and record the entire thing so it can be a sound file again. Is a quote needed at the beginning, then? Because I really can't find anything else that anyone specifically says about the apartments. ProfessorTofty (talk) 23:30, February 25, 2015 (UTC)
      • If nothing fits, then don't put in a quote. It's like that sometimes with articles, and you end up not having any appropriate quotes. 501st dogma(talk) 17:14, February 26, 2015 (UTC)
  • There should be some connection made between Dooku and Grievous and the Seperatists in the History.
    • Explained that Grievous was the Separatist military commander and Dooku the political leader. ProfessorTofty (talk) 03:44, March 2, 2015 (UTC)
  • The intro is a tad short in comparison to the rest of the article. It could use at least one additional sentence.
    • Added a sentence describing the various features of Crispus Commons. ProfessorTofty (talk) 03:44, March 2, 2015 (UTC)
  • Since you're sourcing most of the BtS, you should source that last part of the last sentence. 501st dogma(talk) 13:56, March 1, 2015 (UTC)
  • It seems your BTS quote is unsourced. 501st dogma(talk) 03:19, March 4, 2015 (UTC)
    • Coding problem-- happened when I transferred the material from the top. Fixed. ProfessorTofty (talk) 03:27, March 4, 2015 (UTC)
Manoof
  • The last few brackets of the infobox need to be on the same line as the last attribute. I've changed it here but keep in mind for future Manoof (talk) 09:59, March 13, 2015 (UTC)
  • The second sentence of the intro gives the impression that Skelly is the only resident. Maybe change it from "It was the residence of Skelly, a demolitions..." to something like "One of the residents, Skelly, was a demolitions..." Manoof (talk) 09:59, March 13, 2015 (UTC)
  • "When Skelly attacked Count Vidian trying to draw attention to mining activity Skelly felt could lead to Cynda's destruction..." needs rewording or event splitting that entire sentence into two. You'll notice I cut out the efficiency expert part in the dashes, from my understanding (and I admit I may be wrong) this is like an interjection in the sentence, which continues as normal after. Splitting it might be a better option just for readability. Manoof (talk) 09:59, March 13, 2015 (UTC)
  • The attribution for the quote seems strange, in that Skelly references himself in his own thoughts? Manoof (talk) 09:59, March 13, 2015 (UTC)
    • I changed it to something more general. Better? ProfessorTofty (talk) 10:10, March 15, 2015 (UTC)
  • I'm not 100% on this, but it might be worth mentioning Rebels was released in 2014 as well. Manoof (talk) 09:59, March 13, 2015 (UTC)
  • You mention A New Dawn was released in hard cover. The focus on this sentence is on the fact it is hardcover. You could combine that with the previous sentence, something like "Miller, which was published on September 2, 2014 in hardcover." This takes the focus off hardcover and puts it back on the date. Otherwise I'd recommend including a release date for the paperback edition. Manoof (talk) 09:59, March 13, 2015 (UTC)
    • Took your first suggestion and combined it. ProfessorTofty (talk) 10:10, March 15, 2015 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • Preliminary objections:
    • Reference 3 needs to employ the Faraway Press citation template.
    • For the social media screenshot in reference 9, you should have uploaded this, not the fan's post. Please re-upload.
    • Wikipedia is no more a reliable source of information for Wookieepedia than it is for an academic work. You will need to find a more reliable source to cite reference 10 to. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 15:15, April 14, 2015 (UTC)
  • Author comments, such as John Jackson Miller's production notes, must be treated with a heavy grain of salt when considering whether to incorporate this information into articles. This is especially true when it comes to Canon articles, given Lucasfilm's greater placement of emphasis on story material. Unless explicitly stated to be so, there's no reason to think that JJM's background notes from his website have been vetted or are being considered canon by the Lucasfilm Story Group. This statement, which is sourced to JJM's website, should be detailed in the BTS but should not necessarily be asserted as official canon: "No actual clones were housed at this facility, but rather various planetary volunteers and draftees."
    • Moved to the BTS with a clarification in the wording. ProfessorTofty (talk) 16:23, May 28, 2015 (UTC)
  • Writing tip: Avoid using unspecific pronouns like "this" or "it" whenever possible, as it's very easy to become confused on what "this" or "it" is referring to. Use explicit terms instead. Case in point, I don't know what "this" is referring to here. Located under what? The exercise yard? The trash bin? Please clarify: "Underneath this was a rusted-out grate..." Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 02:33, May 23, 2015 (UTC)
    • Changed to "behind" (not sure how I got "under") and clarified that it was the trash bin that it was behind. ProfessorTofty (talk) 16:23, May 28, 2015 (UTC)
  • Some sort of link should be provided here for the mention of the Separatist military forces. There doesn't appear to be a Canon article for this yet: "...General Grevious, the commander of the Separatist military forces..."
  • The vagueness of this sentence is begging for some more details. What did she see there that was so unconvincing? "Though what she saw there did little to convince her that Skelly would be a worthwhile ally to her cause..."
    • Added some additional information that clarified that she had basically gotten the idea that he was a crackpot. ProfessorTofty (talk) 19:02, June 6, 2015 (UTC)
      • I think the addition is a little much, which runs the risk of distracting from the scope of this article, Crispus Commons. You don't want to go into too much unnecessary detail about an extraneous subject; be as succinct as you can. I've cut down the addition to the bare minimum what needs to be said here. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 20:55, June 7, 2015 (UTC)
  • Reviewing notes:
    • Your St. Crispin Wikipedia link in the BTS failed, partly because it's Crispin, not Crispus. You need to actually check that the Wikipedia page is named what you think it is, otherwise your links are going to be broken every time.
    • We restrict narrative quotations in the BTS to rare instances that require an explicit illustrative need. There's no great or critical reason for this article's BTS quote. I've removed it.
    • I cut down on a lot of extraneous detail and referencing throughout the BTS. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 19:46, May 28, 2015 (UTC)
      • Seems pretty straightforward and to the point. Looking good. ProfessorTofty (talk) 19:02, June 6, 2015 (UTC)

Comments

  • Not an objection, but related to Tope's last objection: You can use [[Wikipedia:ARTICLE TITLE]] to directly link to a Wikipedia article. In the case of the in-text link (not reference 10), the usage of https in the url is displaying a lock symbol; using [[Wikipedia:ARTICLE TITLE]] will remove that graphic. JorrelWiki-shrinkableFraajic 15:41, April 14, 2015 (UTC)
  • Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 23:35, June 15, 2015 (UTC)