Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Cornelius Evazan/Canon

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Cornelius Evazan

(1 ACs/1 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Squishy Vic | message 02:49, June 19, 2015 (UTC)
  2. ACvote Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 21:49, June 22, 2015 (UTC)

Object

Grunny
  • As a quick preliminary objection, you have infobox-exclusive info that needs to be covered in the article body. grunny@wookieepedia:~$ 08:13, May 28, 2015 (UTC)
    • Which specific piece of information are you referring to? - AV-6R7User talk:AV-6R7 15:28, May 28, 2015 (UTC)
      • Height, hair color, eye color, and skin color. There should be no information exclusive to the infobox. grunny@wookieepedia:~$ 15:32, May 28, 2015 (UTC)
        • Here's what I'd recommend. Remove the bit about how he's "a male human" from the Biography. Add that into the Personality and traits, along with the height, hair color, eye color, and skin color. Those are all physical traits that, when available, should always be in the P&T section. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 15:34, May 28, 2015 (UTC)
Brandon
  • There are, unfortunately, way too many images in this article. I'd recommend removing the image of Evazan's clinic, as well as the image of Evazan with the blaster. Then, add the image of Evazan in the cantina to the Biography section, left-aligned. Keep the image in the Behind the scenes section.
  • The last paragraph of the Behind the scenes section is unsourced. That will need to be corrected. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 15:38, May 28, 2015 (UTC)
Hands
  • Preliminary objection: While this may count as a sofixit, I know for a fact this article is missing Canon sources from SW.com, and unfortunately the Encyclopedia is now obsolete, as that could have had more stuff too. Please do a more thorough source check on that website, which so many users seemed to overlook back in the time of the Legends continuity. To be fair though, at least there's nothing listed on the Legends article that was carelessly overlooked here. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 16:46, May 28, 2015 (UTC)
    • I managed to find a few sources I had previously overlooked. Interestingly, the Mos Eisley Cantina Biography Gallery claims him to be an alien. Bts material? - AV-6R7User talk:AV-6R7 17:52, May 28, 2015 (UTC)
      • Interesting. Tbh I think it's too minor to be needed, but I guess the article can go with or without one. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 22:21, May 28, 2015 (UTC)
  • Please fix the redlink, as now GAs can't have any.
    • I just requested that T&R restore the previously deleted page. - AV-6R7User talk:AV-6R7 22:44, May 28, 2015 (UTC)
      • The article should have been restored before the nomination date. Also I fail to see why it's the responsibility of the user who deleted an article to restore it. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 21:16, May 29, 2015 (UTC)
        • This is a bit embarrising, but how do I restore a page? I asked because I assumed only admins could do it. - AV-6R7User talk:AV-6R7 21:31, May 29, 2015 (UTC)
          • Simply edit the redlink, and that's all you need to do. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 21:33, May 29, 2015 (UTC)
            • Addendum: if you were looking to literally restore the deleted page to its original content, not sure if that's possible. I think you just have to create an article from scratch. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 21:34, May 29, 2015 (UTC)
              • Thanks, you've answer my question. I assumed there was a "magic" undo button. Sorry if I seemed lazy. - AV-6R7User talk:AV-6R7 21:37, May 29, 2015 (UTC)
                • Sorry for being busy for the past several days, but the redlink has been fixed, though it is currently a legends redirect. I am working on locating all of it canon appearances, and investigating several hologram appearances. EDIT: And it appears it was just deleted. - AV-6R7User talk:AV-6R7 20:03, June 2, 2015 (UTC)
  • I notice a lot of extrapolation in the personality and traits, when the sources, which I have read myself to verify, didn't say anything about that being his general behavior, as opposed to just how he acted that fateful day. Of course, was it most likely his overall personality? I'd say so. But given that nothing mentions him having an overall enjoyment "bullying those he considered to be easy targets," being "quick to escalate arguments" and "resort to violence," please reword the section accordingly. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 22:21, May 28, 2015 (UTC)
    • Changed to more specifically mention context. Also, should physical traits go before or after psychological ones? - AV-6R7User talk:AV-6R7 23:00, May 28, 2015 (UTC)
      • I don't think there's any precedent of which goes first. I'm used to putting the physical traits last for a lot of my articles, which is based on my observing others' quality articles, but I don't think it matters, and either is fine. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 23:28, May 28, 2015 (UTC)
  • As his name is never mentioned in the film itself, please establish in the behind the scenes section when that name was brought back into canon. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 23:33, May 28, 2015 (UTC)
Cav
  • Some preliminaries:
  • Some instances of using Luke's first name should be changed to "Skywalker"
  • The entire incident surrounding his meeting with Luke is very play by play and could be condensed. Also, there is some flowery language, such as "grubby Human" that could be cut.
  • Is the entire final paragraph of the biography really needed or can it be folded into the rest of the biography? - Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 11:31, May 31, 2015 (UTC)
    • I kept it separate because it took place after his demise, though I suppose I could fold it in if that is what you want. - AV-6R7User talk:AV-6R7 07:14, June 3, 2015 (UTC)
Vic
  • Unfortunate that I just starting reading through other nominations and this article, considering you're away at the moment. However there are a couple objections I had that may or may not need fixing when you get the chance.
    • Is the External Links section necessary at all? This seems like it could fit right into Sources, as I never see an External Link section on in-universe articles, usually only out-of-universe articles like that of a video game or a gaming company.
      • Free beach wi-fi. Anyways, I believe we decided not to treat those articles as canon sources unless it's explicitly said to be so. That's why I regulated it to the EL section. - AV-6R7User talk:AV-6R7 18:51, June 18, 2015 (UTC)
        • Makes sense, thanks for clarifying. Funny thing is since I made this objection, I've ended up coming across a good 3-4 articles with external link sections. Heh! Squishy Vic | message 02:49, June 19, 2015 (UTC)
    • Anyway, going off that same objections, the External Link source actually lists Evazan's blaster as: (The BlasTech SE-14C was an upgraded version of the regular SE-14. This model could also be used as an automatic weapon and was drawn by Doctor Cornelius Evazan when he threatened Luke Skywalker in the Mos Eisley Cantina.) You will need add this in unless I'm mistaken and that page isn't considered canon. Either way, I still think that link should just go under Sources and delete the External Links section altogether. The article's not specific to Evazan anyway.
    • The sentence ("Evazan hurled the young farmboy aside, and ignoring the protest of Wuher, the bartenDer, the pirates drew blaster pistols. Given no other choice, the elderly Jedi Master ignited his lightsaber, swiftly removing Ponda's right arm and slashing Evazan across the torso, killing him.") You refer to elderly Jedi Master but there is no antecedent for Obi-Wan here. I know that we know he's the old Jedi, but I think it should be contextually added, as previously, Obi-Wan is only referred to as a guardian. Maybe something to the likes of "Given no other choice, the elderly Kenobi—secretly a Jedi Master—ignited his lightsaber,...(etc)"
    • The sentence ("Pushing themselves through the establishment's crowd, Wuher indicated to the troopers where Kenobi and Skywalker had taken a seat.") makes it seem like Wuher was pushing through the crowd, I'd reword that.
Attack of the Clone
  • The intro is a bit short in comparison to the rest of the article. I'd recommend adding at least one sentence, anything from his medical notoriety to his homeworld to his partnership with Baba to his work for Jabba.
    • Done. - AV-6R7Crew Pit 17:15, June 24, 2015 (UTC)
      • "though he turned to smuggling after information concerning his cruel medical experiments": something's missing here. Why would the information cause him to abandon the medical field? CC7567 (talk) 21:07, June 24, 2015 (UTC)
        • Fixed.
          • Does Ultimate Star Wars explicitly state that he gave up being a doctor in favor of smuggling due to the information becoming public, as opposed to him becoming a smuggler in addition to a doctor? The intro currently implies the former, but the Bio favors the latter. Both should be consistent. CC7567 (talk) 22:49, June 24, 2015 (UTC)
  • The quote captions should consistently mention characters by either their surnames or their full names. Currently, Evazan is relegated to his surnames while all other characters are mentioned by their full names. Please adjust for consistency.
  • "Born on Alsakan": a homeworld is not necessarily where one is born. I don't have my copy of Ultimate Star Wars with me right now, but unless it explicitly states he was born on Alsakan, this phrase should be changed to something like "Hailing from Alsakan."
  • The beginning of the Biography (i.e. the first sentence) should set up the time frame for Evazan's life. During what government's reign did he live?
  • "during the final year of the Clone Wars": this definitely isn't citable to "Missing in Action." If you're aware of a canon source that provides this date, please use it instead. Otherwise, this is speculation and needs to be removed.
    • Removed. - AV-6R7Crew Pit 17:15, June 24, 2015 (UTC)
      • As an addendum, it's fine (and useful) to keep the mention of the Clone Wars, since it provides a chronological marker for his Pons Ora practice, i.e. it was "made available for lease during the Clone Wars" or something similar. CC7567 (talk) 21:07, June 24, 2015 (UTC)
  • There are a few technical areas that need fixing. Both of these are {{Sofixit}}-level stuff, but I'm objecting to them so that you can keep them in mind for the future.
    • Pipelinks should always be capitalized, i.e. [[Death/Canon|death]] instead of [[death/Canon|death]].
    • In addition to the previous objection, when linking, you should use [[Star system/Canon|star systems]] instead of [[star system]]s.
  • Are Evazan and Baba explicitly pirates? "Pirate" isn't synonymous with "smuggler," so please check the source material.
    • Yes, according to USW "Ponda Baba is the pirating partner of Doctor Evazan". - AV-6R7Crew Pit 17:15, June 24, 2015 (UTC)
      • That should be sourced to Ultimate Star Wars then. Currently it's cited to Episode IV, which isn't a valid source for that information. (Also, Pirate needs to be linked.) CC7567 (talk) 21:07, June 24, 2015 (UTC)
  • Since we are an encyclopedia, all characters should be exclusively referred to by their surnames for formality. The only exception is if it's necessary to distinguish siblings from each other, which isn't the case here. There's one remaining instance each of "Luke," "Obi-Wan," "Ponda," and "Cornelius" that all need to be adjusted.
    • Done. - AV-6R7Crew Pit 17:15, June 24, 2015 (UTC)
      • Your addition to the Equipment section added a use of "Cornelius." Please fix. CC7567 (talk) 21:07, June 24, 2015 (UTC)
        • See below. - AV-6R7Crew Pit 21:40, June 24, 2015 (UTC)
          • Still remains. CC7567 (talk) 22:40, June 29, 2015 (UTC)
            • Where, exactly? - AV-6R7Crew Pit 23:15, June 29, 2015 (UTC)
              • In the P&T section (not the Equipment section, as I previously noted). CC7567 (talk) 02:12, June 30, 2015 (UTC)
  • "Black in color, he was killed before he was able to fire it." This is a case of a danging modifier, since the subject of the first clause (the pistol) does not align with that of the second clause ("he," or Evazan). Please fix.
    • Done. - AV-6R7Crew Pit 17:15, June 24, 2015 (UTC)
      • To expand on this objection, I'm not seeing how the fact that Evazan wasn't able to fire his weapon during the cantina fight is relevant to the Equipment section, since it's already mentioned in the Bio. I get that it's based on the fact that in the film, we don't actually see him use his weapon even though he clearly has one, but that's not necessarily notable, since it wasn't an actual use of the weapon. I'd suggest finding a better way to make it relevant to the Equipment section, or just remove it altogether, and incorporate the pistol's black color into the previous sentence. CC7567 (talk) 21:07, June 24, 2015 (UTC)
        • Removed. - AV-6R7Crew Pit 21:40, June 24, 2015 (UTC)
          • I apologize if I was unclear; I didn't intend for you to remove the Equipment section entirely. There's still enough information on him to warrant an Equipment section, not only his blaster pistol but also his clothing and other equipment. Please re-add the section. CC7567 (talk) 22:49, June 24, 2015 (UTC)
            • Done and done. - AV-6R7Crew Pit 18:39, June 28, 2015 (UTC)
              • If I may interject, is it really necessary to include clothing in the Equipment section? The belt holster is understandable, but I otherwise think his clothes being "Equipment" at all is ridiculous. Are the t-shirt, shorts and slippers I'm currently wearing also "Equipment?" Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 23:10, June 29, 2015 (UTC)
                • Objectively, yes. I'm not saying it's valid to list every single piece of clothing that a specific subject has ever worn; that needs to be judged on a case-by-case basis. However, I don't see a problem with listing Evazan's selection of clothing. CC7567 (talk) 02:12, June 30, 2015 (UTC)
  • If image captions are full sentences, they should be properly punctuated. Please do so for the Bts image caption.
  • In Legends material, when did his name first appear? That's relevant info for the Bts, seeing as his character is unnamed in the film.
    • That was a field trip. - AV-6R7Crew Pit 17:36, June 24, 2015 (UTC)
      • After you address any objections, please make sure that your additions still follow proper article formatting. Star Wars Legends is now linked twice in the Bts and needs to be adjusted. CC7567 (talk) 21:07, June 24, 2015 (UTC)
        • Fixed.
  • "Creature Cantina" shouldn't be listed in the Sources, as it's simply a clip from the film. It might merit being listed in External links, but other than that, it's not relevant.
  • I don't think the biography gallery for the Mos Eisley Cantina needs to be listed in the Sources list. It's part of the Databank entry for the Mos Eisley Cantina, which is already listed.
  • Have you checked other Databank entries for possible mentions? The biography gallery for StarWars-DatabankII Tatooine in the Databank (backup link) mentions Skywalker and Kenobi's "altercation with two alien thugs" in the cantina. Please make sure that all of the references to Evazan, direct or indirect, are listed in the Sources.
  • There were a number of links missing, such as Farm, Cantina, Trooper (which is currently a redlink but still a valid article), Blaster, Eye, Bounty, and Time. If you're ever in doubt whether something has an article, just use the site's "Search" function to check. (As a side note, author is an in-universe article, which is why I removed it from the Bts. Please make sure to thoroughly check your links in the future.) CC7567 (talk) 16:31, June 24, 2015 (UTC)
    • It seems like you already took care of that. - AV-6R7Crew Pit 17:15, June 24, 2015 (UTC)
      • Yes, I did. I'm merely pointing out that you should look out for articles like these to link to in the future. Writing articles is an ongoing learning experience, and there's always something that everyone can learn from. CC7567 (talk) 21:07, June 24, 2015 (UTC)
  • Based on your additions to the Bts, I'd suggest arranging it more chronologically so that it's more understandable to the reader, i.e. mentioning the Legends origin of his name and then detailing how it was re-canonized in Star Wars in 100 Scenes and Ultimate Star Wars.
  • Per the updated GAN Rule 8, no redlinks are allowed in GANs. Please fill in Trooper. CC7567 (talk) 21:07, June 24, 2015 (UTC)
  • In the Bts, {{FFCite}} needs to make note of which page and section his full name comes from. I'd suggest asking around to see if someone with access to the publication can help you with that. CC7567 (talk) 22:49, June 24, 2015 (UTC)
    • I've put out a request in the KB. - AV-6R7Crew Pit 03:38, June 26, 2015 (UTC)
  • Per a recent Mofference, all infobox material needs to be detailed properly in the article. At least one piece of information in the infobox needs to be added to the full article.
  • The fact that Evazan and Baba were pirates should be made clearer early in the Bio, perhaps around the end of the first paragraph. Right now it's only mentioned in passing, so it's not immediately clear that the term "pirates" refers to Evazan and Baba.
  • To renege on my original suggestions for the Bts, the section should be structured to better focus on the canon content and then move into the Legends origins for the character's name. I would suggest doing so by merging what is currently the third paragraph into the first paragraph, and rewording the third paragraph to something like this: "In official canon, Evazan's last name and medical occupation were identified in Star Wars in 100 Scenes… His first name Cornelius was established in Ultimate Star Wars… His canon name was derived from publications in the Legends continuity." Then, use what is currently the second paragraph to detail the Legends origins.
  • The fact that "Missing in Action" uses Evazan's name, before it was canonically attributed to the character in Star Wars in 100 Scenes and Ultimate Star Wars, needs to be noted in the Bts. CC7567 (talk) 22:40, June 29, 2015 (UTC)

Comments

  • Be aware, I will not have Internet access from 6/14 to 6/21, and will not be able to work on the page. - AV-6R7User talk:AV-6R7 03:04, June 14, 2015 (UTC)
  • Sorry for not fixing everything yet, but I will be in Europe for the next three weeks and will have spotty internet connection. This means I will likely not be able to work on any objections that are on this page. Thank you for your understanding. - AV-6R7Crew Pit 03:00, July 2, 2015 (UTC)