Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Burra

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Burra

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. ACvote Good work. CC7567 (talk) 19:17, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
  2. SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is the truth) 10:25, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Two more Hidden Ones left. I hope to see them here soon. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 11:09, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Grunny (Talk) 11:16, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
  5. Per IRC review. Kilson Likes PIE 23:03, 18 May 09 (UTC)

Object

  1. How many more Outcast characters are there for you to do? :P
    • Enough to tide me over until Omen comes out ;)
    • It can be stated in the intro why the Skywalkers were searching for Ziil.
      • Done.
    • It can be stated earlier that Burra was one of the oldest members of the sect.
      • Addressed.
    • "dedicated to preserving the Order's knowledge so that, if the Baran Do were destroyed, they could restore the Order." Bit awkward phrasing, mostly with the use of the comma; the sentence needs rephrasing.
      • Better?
    • It seems awkward to end a sentence with "for a while"; might want to consider rewording.
      • Removed.
    • "the Skywalkers found Saal alive": bit awkward wording; almost sounds like the Skywalkers were hunting him.
      • Is this better?
    • Unclear as to who "had discussed the theory that Luke proposed."
      • Addressed.
        • Did that include Ziil?
          • Well, in the novel it just says that their "lord of the dead decides everything", but that may have been long enough ago that Tokra Hazz was still their leader, so I thought adding Ziil might be a little too speculative.
    • "even after Ben defeated Chara, who was by far Ben's superior": bit awkward phrasing. Also, it wasn't stated that Chara believed Luke in the first place, so it's confusing when you say that he was brainwashed.
      • Better?
        • "because he had the will to win": maybe say "possessed", but not "had".
          • Done.
    • "Ziil decided to reverse his decision on killing the Skywalkers, but refused to change his mind on the matter of letting no one leave the caverns." Both parts of the sentence have a bit awkward phrasing.
      • Better?
    • What were the lies Ben revealed?
      • Is this better; too much info, or not enough?
        • A little too much, I think. You can generalize it; the numerous examples are a bit wordy. CC7567 (talk) 18:12, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
    • The P&T mentions that Ziil trusted Burra, while the P&A says that it appeared that he trusted Ziil; please be consistent and state what's known.
      • Addressed.
    • "perhaps the only other": unclear as to who the "other" is.
      • Better?
    • Real solid work, Jon. Your writing has really improved. :) CC7567 (talk) 05:28, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
  2. Soresu
    • I've just copy-edited it out in the past, but I should state it here. Luke was no longer Grand Master after his exile. Please change.
      • Addressed.
    • Burra left the Baran Do to join the Hidden Ones Burra didn't leave the Baran Do as the Hidden Ones are just a sect of it.
      • Addressed.
    • Per CC. You are improving. SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is a lie) 12:12, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
  3. Grunny:
    • Intro: "recently exiled for dereliction of duty" Probably best to clarify what he was exiled from for those who haven't read the book.
      • Done.
    • Early life: "former Jedi Grand Master Luke Skywalker" is "former" appropriate since Kenth is only acting head of the order and others still refer to Luke as the Grand Master? So is Luke still the Grand Master, but simply exiled from the Order? (More of a question since I can't remember :P)
      • Well, I'm not really sure either, as it wasn't explicitly stated in the novel. Soresu had me change it to "former", but I can change it back.
        • As far as I can remember it's never mentioned that he never gives up the title, and Kenth is only acting head of the Order. Also I'm pretty sure most of the Jedi still refer to him as the Grand Master, Cilghal still calls him the Grand Master for instance, so I would be inclined to say that he is still the Grand Master, unless it is stated clearly otherwise. Ask Soresu what he thinks :-). Grunny (Talk) 14:46, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
          • He said I could go ahead and remove it, so I did. Jonjedigrandmaster (Jujiggum) 11:03, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
            • Okay cool, if it is confirmed later that he gave up the title, it's an easy fix :-). Grunny (Talk) 11:16, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
    • Leaving the Hidden Ones: Could you mention in the second paragraph that Ben caused the way out to collapse?
    • The second half of the P&a seems like your restating the P&t. If there is no more information on his powers or abilities other than the first line of the P&a, I would prefer merging the sections than adding superfluous information that isn't really relevant to the P&a.
      • Merged.
    • Good work yet again Jon :-). Grunny (Talk) 07:39, 14 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 23:34, 19 May 2009 (UTC)