- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Bryn (Human)
- Nominated by: DarthHarry28 14:58, 19 March 2023 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: Ergonomic chairs. Word count at nomination = 431 (32 intro, 272 body, 127 bts)
- Date Archived: 08:24, 4 June 2023 (UTC)
- Final word count: 480 words (57 introduction, 306 body, 117 behind the scenes)
- WookieeProject (optional): WP:TOR
(4 ACs/2 Users/6 Total)
(Votes required: No additional votes required to pass, please consider reviewing another article.)
Support
Hoping to see more from you! JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 04:16, 7 May 2023 (UTC)- —spookywillowwtalk 00:44, 11 May 2023 (UTC)
- Nice work Fan26 (Talk) 19:30, 31 May 2023 (UTC)
- Lewisr (talk) 16:53, 1 June 2023 (UTC)
- UberSoldat93
(talk) 17:57, 3 June 2023 (UTC) - LucaRoR (Talk) 08:19, 4 June 2023 (UTC)
Object
Fan
- (Reviewing note) Hello! WP:TOR salutes you for your effort at nominating a SWTOR article and we hope this is the first of many from you! Some preliminaries:
Reference notes aren't neccesarry in the intro.There's only one sub-bullet point in an infbox affiliations section; it should just say "*[[Sith Empire (Post–Great Hyperspace War)|Sith Empire]] (line break) **[[Imperial Special Forces (Sith Empire)|Imperial Special Forces]]"I don't think the bit in the BtS about him having a Welsh acccent can be sourced to the credits. If there's no source beyond him having a voice which seems to have that accent in-game, then I'd say it's unneccesary to mention it. Fan26 (Talk) 13:12, 20 March 2023 (UTC)- All three have been addressed: I have moved reference notes to the body or removed them; removed the unnecessary sub-bullet; and removed the accent mention (which I added because of its mention on Galactic Basic Standard/Legends). I do indeed intend to nominate more articles in future! DarthHarry28 17:17, 20 March 2023 (UTC)
Can his gender really be sourced to the mission? I'd be surprised if so, but assuming it can't-you should use Jedipedia's info from the gamefiles to explain his gender with Template:Cite web. It notes that his sound file is "human_imperial_medium_male_04" which is enough to label him as male.Is there a cutscene of the turrets exploding that plays if the light-side option is chosen? If so, an image from this should be added to the BtS section.- The turrets themselves are not destroyed, only the plans to them. The destruction of the plans isn't really seen as they're stored within the droid
Switch from referring to the player character as "an Imperial spacer" to "an individual affiliated with the Sith Empire" (upon the first mention) and then "the Imperial individual" (for all subsequent mentions)Fan26 (Talk) 00:41, 14 May 2023 (UTC)- Addressed DarthHarry28 00:10, 17 May 2023 (UTC)
spookly
- (Review note) Nice to see some new(er) faces around the GAN, and good start! Some stuff below:
Context for Dromund Kaas in the biography, likely make it match what the intro has.- Would like to see one more sentence added to the intro for prose-flow.
"where he was tasked with keeping an eye on the rogue Sith while keeping his distance."—it introduces the rogue Sith rather suddenly here, context might be good. And, should the Sith have a page linked here (or have the link moved upward if elsewhere)?- I have rephrased to clarify that Grathan, mentioned prior in the paragraph, is the rogue Sith in question
Infobox referencing should be carried over to P+T's referencing for gender.- Done, and I've added referencing to his pronouns' first use in P+T as well
Worth considering starting some of the later P+T sentences with Bryn or synonyms, seems to be He/his in a row a few times.The spacer seems relevant enough for an article.- The spacer is the Imperial player character in SWTOR, of the four possibilities (SW/SI/BH/IA) it's impossible to determine which is the canon choice
I'm seeing a slight bit of underlinking; can copy-edit some in if you'd make a first pass.- P+T: Legends precedent is to capitalize Human. Unless indicated that it's been scarred since birth, " His right cheek was lightly scarred." should be preceded by "By the time of the Cold War," or similar. Last note, for this section, would be to be careful to include your Oxforc commas per wiki precedent.
From what I can recall about TOR noms, generally if the voice actor isn't known, it isn't necessary to state that it's unknown.—spookywillowwtalk 21:13, 13 April 2023 (UTC)- I believe I have now addressed all of these, with the exception of the spacer for the reason given above DarthHarry28 19:55, 20 April 2023 (UTC)
Last two things from me: Gender/species are restated both in the bio and P+T—should pick one place you'd prefer for them to be and omit the other instance.Would like to see the c. BBY date worked into the intro.—spookywillowwtalk 03:26, 8 May 2023 (UTC)- Both addressed DarthHarry28 21:13, 9 May 2023 (UTC)
Macaroni
WP:CANON says "the light-side outcomes of games typically trumped dark-side outcomes" for EU - any reason that's not the case here?JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 01:03, 24 April 2023 (UTC)- The questline in which Bryn appears is an Imperial one, making the player character the SW/SI/BH/IA - all of whom are assumed to take DS choices. I'm not sure if there's ever been a formal agreement on this but I've also seen several other articles make and mention the same assumption regarding Imperial questlines - for example The General. DarthHarry28 22:49, 24 April 2023 (UTC)
Luca
"who had declared himself the thirteenth member of the Dark Council." This information is intro-exclusive and should be worked into the body.LucaRoR (Talk) 09:31, 2 June 2023 (UTC)
- Addressed DarthHarry28 13:47, 2 June 2023 (UTC)
Comments
Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 08:19, 4 June 2023 (UTC)