Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Bomb squad trooper

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Bomb squad trooper

  • Nominated by:--Clone Commander Lee Talk 12:01, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: First non character/battle or OOU Article TCW nom ?

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

  1. Fett
    • Intro-"typical bomb squad duties" I know what you meant, however, others might know what "bomb squad duties" are. Please rephrase
      • Fixed
        • Still remains, Lee.
          • Eh, cleared in the next sentence
    • Intro-"…where Doctor Nuvo Vindi created probes of the Blue Shadow Virus" Factual error: he did not create the virus, he restored and made it an airborne virus.
      • Fixed.
    • In the intro, you say "Bomb Squad troopers saw action in Naboo." and then in the next sentence you say "Bomb Squad troopers were used.." Like your Tucker GAN, please watch how you phrase sentences. These are similiar to each other and looks like you're repeating redundant information. I suggest you remove "Bomb squad saw action," because it sounds like this was there first mission.
      • Fixed.
        • I'm crossing this for now.
    • Intro-"while the rest of the forces captured Vindi" Factual error: not all went and captured Vindi. Only Skywalker and Kenobi did so.
      • Fixed.
        • "The troopers managed to disarm the bombs Skywalker and Kenobi captured Vindi" Improper English.
          • Fixed.
            • Try not to use the word "managed," due to it being improperly used. Please use a different word.
              • Fixed.
                • I took care of this myself.
    • Intro-"Skywalker and Kenobi were able to help the clones—which were infected by the virus—by finding a cure on Iego, while Tano, Amidala and the clones destroyed all droids in the laboratory." By saying "clones" it sounds like the bomb squd was only infected, however, that is false. You failed to mention about other clone troopers—not bomb squad troops—that helped the raid and its aftermath when the virus leaked.
      • Fixed
        • Still remains.
          • Fixed.
    • {{Fact}} tag in the first sentence of the history.
    • "While Skywalker’s Padawan Ahsoka Tano created a diversion" No she did not. Ahsoka, Rex, and a group of clones were destroying the droids, and were soon joined by Kenobi. And yes, Skywalker went to save his wife from Vindi.
      • Fixed.
    • "should subdue" Too colloquial and not-encyclopedic.
      • Fixed.
        • Don't use "Should".
    • "The plan was successful and Kenobi and the bomb troopers reached the room were the bombs were deactivated." What plan? And I thought Kenobi went with Skywalker to capture Vindi. I recall only Amdiala, Ahsoka, Rex, clone troopers only witnessed the deactivation of the last bomb.
      • Fixed.
    • "However, at the moment the troopers were in all bombs were activated by Vindi." The troopers were in all bombs? were activated by Vindi? Improper english.
      • Fixed.
    • "While Kenobi left, the clones began disarming the bombs." Okay, you're confusing me, Lee. You mentioned that the plan was successful and the bomb squad deactivated the bombs, but now you're saying Kenobi left? In the episode, Kenobi was with the bomb squad troops until Skywalker called him. At the end of the episode, when Vindi tried to leak the virus, the bomb squad deactivated the last bomb. You're making too many factual errors and it's not chronological.
      • Fixed.
    • "Some time later" When later? Rephrase.
      • Fixed.
        • Don't use "later".
    • " The droid brought the pipe in a bomb and detonated it, spreading the Blue Shadow Virus in the laboratory." What droid? Was it Vindi's assistant? Please specify.
      • Fixed.
    • "while the clones, Tano and Amidala destroyed the droids inside the laboratory." This doesn't make sense. What droids? You could have mentioned that they found a cure to save the clones, Ahsoka, and Amidala. I don't see why mentioning the droid attack in "Mystery of a Thousand Moons" is relevant to the bomb squad.
      • Fixed
        • Why did you remove it all? While I meant that mentioning the droid attack in the episode was irrelevant, you should have said that they found a cure and saved Amidala, Ahsoka, Rex, and who ever else was rescued.
          • Fixed.
    • Could you find another word to replace "grippers"? Or possibly add some context for it.
      • Fixed
    • Please watch your spelling. More to come, Lee. JangFett Talk 19:22, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Few more for now.
    • "After the scientist's capture, one bomb was taken by Vindi’s private droid. Senator Amidala found the droid and managed to take the bomb. Tano sent the bomb troopers to Amidala which successfully disarmed the bombs before Vindi activated them." These are all short, choppy sentences. Please go back and make them flow better. Also, while Ahsoka did bring the bomb squad to Amidala, make sure you mention "Due to the timely arrival of the bomb squad." JangFett Talk 19:49, September 16, 2009 (UTC)
    • "The Republic plan was successful and Kenobi and the bomb troopers reached the room were the bombs were deactivated." Prior to this sentence, you mentioned that Kenobi and the bomb squad reached the room, however, in this sentence you say they "reached" the room and successfully deactivated the bombs again. Again, you're repeating information. also, this sentence is a factual error. Kenobi was not with the bomb squad when they deactivated the last bomb.
      • Fixed.
        • Still remains.
          • Hope it is now better.
            • "The Republic plan was successful" Possibly clarify this. I don't know why you call it a "plan," as it was never mentioned in the episode.
              • Changed to strategy.
    • "However, at the moment the troopers arrived all bombs were activated by Vindi who was fleeing." Improper English. Make sure your sentences flow well. I'm still seeing short, choppy sentences.
    • JangFett Talk 23:33, September 17, 2009 (UTC)
  3. "However, at the moment the troopers arrived all bombs were activated by the fleeing Vindi." Arrived where? Also, Vindi wasn't fleeing when he activated the bombs. He tried, but the bomb squad "clipped" the wire of the bomb, which caused Vindi's attempt to remotely activate the bomb to fail. JangFett Talk 17:48, September 19, 2009 (UTC)
    • Fixed, and I mean when he was fleeing from the Jedi.
      • Then make sure you mention it, because it will be confusing for the readers.
        • Fixed.
  4. Fett will look once more.
    • "The Republic strategy was successful after the bomb troopers reached the room and deactivated the virus bombs. However, at the moment when the troopers arrived in the bomb inventory, all the bombs were activated by Vindi, who was fleeing from the Jedi." These two sentences don't fit chronologically. I don't recall the bomb squad deactivating all of them quickly, and then after the first sentence, you go back and say "At the moment when the troopers arrived in the bomb inventory.." Please go back and fix this.
      • Fixed.
        • "The Republic strategy was successful after the bomb troopers reached the room and found the virus bombs deactivated" Now you've changed it. So the bomb troopers "reached" the room and found the bombs deactivated? I could have sworn that they were sitting on the floor and deactivating them one-by-one. This is what I meant by checking the episodes again. Also, it's still out of order; in terms of chronologically.
          • Fixed.
    • "While Kenobi left to help Skywalker in the capturing of Vindi" Left where?
      • Fixed.
    • "However, at the moment when the troopers arrived in the bomb inventory, all the bombs were activated by Vindi, who was fleeing from the Jedi." I don't recall Vindi activating the virus bombs as he was running. Double check this.
      • He was fleeing when he activated them.
    • Lee, this article reads like a short summary of "Blue Shadow Virus" and "Mystery of a Thousand Moons". I advice that you go back and check to see if you noted every appearance of the bomb squad in these episodes.
      • Checked.
        • Are you sure that you've listed everything? Because right now I'm seeing no change.
          • Sure.
    • JangFett (Talk) 14:46, September 27, 2009 (UTC)
  5. The Grand Master
    • "Bomb Squad Troopers had orange markings on their armor to signify their squad." Did it signify what particular squad they were in (as you currently suggest), or that they were bomb squad troopers?
    • Grammar issues.
    • Watch for tense shifting.
    • I'll give it another review once these are fixed. Jonjedigrandmaster (Jedi Beacon) 15:44, October 11, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  1. I'll fix the rest tomorrow or today. --Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:19, September 16, 2009 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)

  1. ACvote Unaddressed objections for three weeks. Jonjedigrandmaster (Jedi Beacon) 18:26, November 2, 2009 (UTC)
  2. ACvote Rather important ones, at that. CC7567 (talk) 19:48, November 2, 2009 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 21:41, November 2, 2009 (UTC)