Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Battle of the Hungry Ghost

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Battle of the Hungry Ghost

  • Nominated by: —Darthtyler (Talk) 16:06, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: None, just pass it

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)

Support

  1. Looks good. SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is the truth) 22:19, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
  2. ACvote CC7567 (talk) 22:03, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
  3. --Darth tom Imperial Emblem (Imperial Intelligence) 11:26, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
  4. JangFett Talk 01:15, 6 June 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Attack of the Clone
    • For a "minor battle", the intro is rather disproportionate. Please see if you can cut it down some.
      • I'm not exactly sure how to do that, can you tell me which parts I don't need?—Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
        • You have to use your own judgment for this. However, the prelude in the intro doesn't need that much, and overall, there are some details (key word, "details") that could be cut out. If you still need help, let me know.
          • I still need some help, because I don't exactly know what to cut out.—Darthtyler (Talk) 00:57, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
            • I'll leave a message on your talk page soon. CC7567 (talk) 01:18, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
              • Good, I just need to know what to take out and what to put in in the intro.—Darthtyler (Talk) 03:04, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
    • In the future, for ref tags in the infobox, please remember to use {{Ref}} templates.
    • The Hungry Ghost needs context in the intro. It's mentioned (and linked) later in the intro with context, yes, but it comes too late.
      • Done.—Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
        • You might want to add the stuff about Rokk and his pirates' ownership of the craft here, because it's a bit confusing coming later. CC7567 (talk) 01:18, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
    • "hundreds of thousands of pieces of Death Star wreckage": too wordy, please shorten.
    • They "scavenged" some of the parts of what?
    • Millennium Falcon's affiliation? It's unclear at first and confusing.
    • "The pirate, wishing to get the cargo the Millennium Falcon was carrying, bombs, sent out fighters to disable the ship, which they executed successfully.": "get the cargo" is too colloquial; also, the sentence overall is confusing. Please check this.
      • Done.—Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
        • The "the cargo it was carrying, bombs." is rather choppy; please try to rephrase. The embellishment doesn't really work here.
    • "However, another Rebel, Luke Skywalker, arrived and confronted the pirates. Luke's fighter, however..." It would be better to say that he arrived in the fighter first.
      • I'm not sure I understand what you're saying.—Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
        • It would be better to say "another Rebel, Skywalker, arrived in his fighter and confronted the pirates." because it's at first unclear about how he arrives.
    • Unclear if "tyrannical" applies to the Empire or the Death Star. Also, it's slightly POV-oriented.
      • Removed tyrannical, you're right about that.—Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
    • It's confusing as to why Skywalker and Solo are "future members". Just say that they rescued her and became members later.
    • "Solo decided to investigate and find the unknown ship": investigate and find are rather redundant; please choose one or the other. Also, it's confusing as to why Solo would have to "find" the ship, because if he "tracked" it, didn't he already know its location?
      • True, chose investigate because it sounds better and he couldn't find it because of the wreckage.—Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
        • It's not very clear why his view being obstruction would cause him to investigate the ship itself.
          • He assumed it was Imperial spies.—Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
            • It's still unclear. I don't understand why his view being obstructed would lead him to investigate or believe that the ship contained Imperial spies. Please clarify this. CC7567 (talk) 06:25, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
    • "Before they could find the ship, the Millennium Falcon was attacked by TIE Fighters. These TIE Fighters, however, were not of Imperial ownership, but were painted red, leading the crew to believing they were not dealing with the Empire." These two sentences are too choppy. Also, "dealing with the Empire" can be worded to be less colloquial, because it sounds as if they're actually arranging a deal with the Empire.
      • Done.—Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
        • They're still rather choppy; please try to merge them.
          • It's still two sentences, but I evened them out more.—Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
            • Is it for certain that the TIE Fighters were not of Imperial ownership simply because they were red? If it's not, perhaps reword to "Before they could find the ship, the Millennium Falcon was attacked by TIE Fighters that were painted red; their color scheme led the crew to believe that they were not of Imperial ownership."
              • I used your text because I couldn't think of anything better.—Darthtyler (Talk) 03:04, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
    • "that Rokk liked to give his victims slow deaths": please change "like" to something less colloquial and more specific.
    • "The red TIE Fighters, however, hit the Millennium Falcon exactly where the weak point was." What weak point?
      • It doesn't say in the book, so I won't mention it.—Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
        • Even if it hasn't been specified, the sentence itself needs rewording; it's unclear what the weak point belonged to. CC7567 (talk) 23:34, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
          • I left the whole weak point thing out.—Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
    • "and the Falcon was forced to dock to Rokk's ship. After docking aboard the Hungry Ghost": bit redundant here.
    • "Rokk revealed that he would take the Millennium Falcon's cargo, bombs." Rather choppy, and the "would" needs to be changed into a more appropriate verb tense. He "planned to take" the cargo, perhaps?
      • Done.—Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
        • This sentence now makes the following content of the article unclear, as there's now no mention of the bombs being the Falcon's cargo in the body. CC7567 (talk) 01:18, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
    • "almost hitting crucial parts of the ship in the process": which ship?
    • "After arguing about escaping" needs rewording.
      • Done - changed to "arguing about escape plans".—Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
    • There's a lot of overlinking I'm noticing throughout the article; only link the first time something appears and the first time it appears in the body, and no more. Also, there's a lot of full names being used when a last name would suffice, and there are also first names being used when last names should be used; unless there are two people with the same last name, last names should always be used after the first mention. I've corrected these, but please keep this in mind in the future.
      • Thanks! This is actually one of my first times writing a long article by myself, there is a lot I need to learn.—Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
    • "Lunged himself," where it is used both times, needs rewording. It's either he "lunged at Skywalker" or something different; the word isn't meant to be used this way.
      • Done, I need to start looking up words I'm unsure of before I use them...—Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
    • "Luke escaped through the hatch that lead to the Millennium Falcon, along with R2-D2, and his protocol droid, C-3PO." It sounds as though Threepio is R2's protocol droid. Please reword.
    • Can it be mentioned earlier that Skywalker was a Jedi?
    • "Rokk turned all of the laser cannons on the fleeing freighter": needs rewording; this part is slightly colloquial.
    • "got out of range": "got" is rather colloquial.
    • When you say that Solo activated the detonator, it's unclear that the bombs were on the Ghost. You mentioned before that they were being loaded from the Falcon, but it was never specified.
      • Done - added a small bit where I talk about the spider droids.—Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
    • CC7567 (talk) 17:59, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
  2. Fett's 2 cents
    • "'Millennium Falcon, prepare to be boarded!". Millennium Falcon doesn't have to be in bold.
      • It's that way because of a coding error. I've fixed it. CC7567 (talk) 22:59, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
    • "They broke free of the cables that held them to the ship and evaded laserfire from the Hungry Ghost." Who broke free?
      • Context from the sentence helps this out a bit but I changed it anyways.—Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
    • "Before Skywalker could attack, a laser turret aboard the ship fired and wounded him." Make sure you identify who this ship is. Which ship?
      • I specified it as being behind Rokk, who is aboard the Hungry Ghost.—Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
    • JangFett Talk 20:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
  3. Soresu
    • The quote captions should be more descriptive. Just the name of the speaker isn't enough. You need to give some context.
    • Context on the Death Star in the intro.
    • However, another Rebel, Luke Skywalker, arrived in his starfighter and confronted the pirates. Skywalker's fighter, however, was damaged in the ensuing battle, However is repetitive.
    • Leia Organa, a founding member of the Alliance to Restore the Republic, was rescued from the Death Star, the Galactic Empire's planet-destroying superweapon, by Luke Skywalker, a Jedi and member of the Alliance, Han Solo, another member of the Alliance, and Obi-Wan Kenobi, a Jedi Master aligned with the Alliance. Alliance is too repetitive, making the sentence confusing. See if you can contextualize Obi, Han, and Wormie all in one go. For example, you could just say that they were all members of the Alliance, since Luke and Obi-Wan being Jedi doesn't affect the battle in any way.
      • Actually, I do need the Jedi bit but I'll change it up to make it shorter.—Darthtyler (Talk) 13:50, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
    • After notifying Rokk of Skywalker's survival, Rokk ordered the pirates to destroy Skywalker before he caused trouble. Rokk notified Rokk of Skywalker's survival? Don't you mean After being notified of Skywalker's survival, Rokk...?
    • a laser turret behind Rokk fired and wounded him. It's unclear whether "him" refers to Rokk of Skywalker. SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is the truth) 09:37, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
  4. The comic this battle is in was also published in Star Wars Tales Volume 2. Consequently, you need to reword the Bts which says it was only in SW Kids. --Eyrezer 09:40, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
  5. Attack of the Clone II
    • The objection about the obstruction of Solo's view in relation to his investigation of the ship is still remaining above; please check it.
      • I removed the obstruction thing because now I re-looked at the comic and it says nothing about that. It just says they scan it and investigate.—Darthtyler (Talk) 15:45, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
    • "He managed to make it into the Hungry Ghost's hangar bay, and then on foot through the ship, continually being chased by the pirates." Lack of a verb in the second part of the sentence is making this confusing. Also, if you change it to say that Skywalker was "running" through the ship, please make sure to remove "on foot", as it would be redundant.
    • Please try not to excessively use the word "then"; it makes articles excessively chronological and play-by-play. I've corrected one or two, but please go through the article again and omit the unnecessary uses.
      • There were no other uses of the word "then," you can check yourself.—Darthtyler (Talk) 15:45, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
        • Really? I'm noticing at least five. CC7567 (talk) 18:53, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
          • I just copied the whole thing to Notepad and looked for the word "then". Even after rereading it, I can't find it.—Darthtyler (Talk) 21:11, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
            • Perhaps use the "find" function. To name a few: "The pirates then docked to the Millennium Falcon, intending to take the bombs the Falcon was carrying." "Solo then triggered the detonator, destroying the Hungry Ghost." "The Rebels then evacuated their base before more Imperial troops arrived." Those are just a few, and there are two others in the article. Not all of them are necessary, and I suggest removing those that aren't. CC7567 (talk) 21:34, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
              • I'll keep that in mind. I deleted all of the "then's".—Darthtyler (Talk) 21:58, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
                • I did a bit of rewording and restored one, as the sentences were left a bit choppy. (That's what I meant by removing the ones that were unnecessary.) CC7567 (talk) 22:03, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
    • CC7567 (talk) 23:12, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
  6. Toprawa:
    • You have some serious sourcing issues throughout. There are a number of independent sources that I'm not sure have any way of verifying the information in this article. Let me provide you an example of what I mean: The infobox's battle succession fields claim that the Evacuation of Yavin immediately preceded this battle, and you source this information to the original Classic Star Wars comic. That CSW comic in no way verifies that this specific battle in this article followed the Evacuation of Yavin. You need to use a source that makes that connection directly. If there is no connection, those fields should be left blank. Please check all of the information in this article relating to these instances of independent sourcing. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:00, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
      • Actually, it does. Death Star Pirates begins with Rebel ships jumping to hyperspace, and Luke says, "See you at Hoth," or something like that.—Darthtyler (Talk) 21:08, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
        • You completely misunderstood everything I've just explained. You use Race for Survival, the original CSW comic from 1983, as a source for the Evacuation of Yavin preceding this battle. In no way, shape, or form does Race for Survival back up this information. You need a source that literally says "the evacuation of Yavin preceded the Battle of the Hungry Ghost." Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:12, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
          • Ah. Okay.—Darthtyler (Talk) 23:31, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
            • Same thing now with reference notes 3 (A New Hope) and 4 (Empire Strikes Back). The films don't exactly work as sources for that information. This really shouldn't be a tough change, but try to find more relevant sources. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:34, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
    • Additionally, this article would really benefit from "Prelude" and "Aftermath" sections to complement "The battle." Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:16, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
      • I actually already had a prelude and aftermath, but it didn't say "prelude" and "aftermath." I've changed it.—Darthtyler (Talk) 23:31, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)

  1. ACvote An objection has been left unaddressed for three weeks now and the nominator has not edited the article for just over that. With the amount of noms on the page we can't afford to tolerate inactive noms. Grunny (Talk) 13:00, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
  2. ACvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 15:20, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 15:21, 18 June 2009 (UTC)