Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Battle of Mos Espa

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Battle of Mos Espa

Nominated by: OLIOSTER ^(talk) 20:24, July 2, 2012 (UTC) & StarsiderSWG (talk) 21:07, July 7, 2012 (UTC)
Nomination comments: My first battle article. Be gentle.....

"~~The same could not be said for the militia, which very well could have included a sizable number of deaths." This sentence seems a little speculatory to me.~~
That's all I could find, good work you two!--Exiled Jedi (Greetings) 03:56, July 21, 2012 (UTC)
~~Oops, you need to mention the DUM-series pit droids, Tusken massiffs and Tusken banthas in the body of the article.~~--Exiled Jedi (Greetings) 03:58, July 21, 2012 (UTC)
- Went ahead and removed the speculative statement, and added mention of the banthas, massiffs, and pit droids.StarsiderSWG (talk) 18:15, July 26, 2012 (UTC)

~~If the three relics are important, should they not have their own articles? Same for the Tusken relic guards.~~
~~You go from referencing a "spacer", to "spacers" in the plural. Why is this? Which is correct?~~
~~Who or what are the "experts" you refer to? Soldiers, engineers, etc?~~ - Cavalier One^{(Squadron channel)} 19:55, July 22, 2012 (UTC)
- I'll create stub articles on the relics in the meantime. In SWG, the NPC's you had to deliver to certain buildings were simply called "experts." I suppose their function depended on where they were sent. I went ahead and rephrased things a bit more.StarsiderSWG (talk) 17:47, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
  - Oh, and it goes from "spacer" to "spacers", because prior to the invasion, a single player could do the prequest (looting the Tusken relic cave), but a group of players would be required for actually taking part in the Battle of Mos Espa. It was of course possible to have a group of players loot the cave, but the quest was designed in such a way to be focused on one player at a time, and the dialogue made it seem more like a solo effort. In the article, there's mention of Srimaur telling the spacer to rally a group of other spacers to defend the city, so that explains the transition I think.StarsiderSWG (talk) 18:03, July 26, 2012 (UTC)

Your intro is quite... choppy. Anyway to combine some of those sentences to make it flow better?
You list the spaceport, university, medical center, hotel, cloning center, guild hall, and junk shop – that's seven buildings. But throughout the next paragraph, you say six buildings. Did you mention one too many, or are there seven?
I noticed quite a lot of species mentions throughout, some of which caused grammatical errors that I removed in my copy-edit.
Kav Goldor and other individuals should only be referred to by their full name once in both the intro and the body. Just refer to him as Goldor after mentioning him once as Kav Goldor.
Just a heads up, watch your commas. There was a few too many throughout the article.
I also split the middle paragraph of the battle section in two, as it was getting quite long, and moved the Tusken King picture down. Do you disagree?
The BTS section is rather strangely sourced. Shouldn't the info about the game be sourced to the game, and the trading card stuff to the trading cards? In other words, there should be a reference after "... game update." and "... loot card." The final sentence of that paragraph can be sourced to both the game and the trading cards. Cade Calrayn 20:53, August 7, 2012 (UTC)
- For now, I just addressed the 6/7 building discrepancy. There were 7 key buildings, but experts were only sent to 6 of them (not the Hotel), so I re-worded things to reflect that. StarsiderSWG (talk) 16:11, August 8, 2012 (UTC)

Consensus to remove nomination achieved on IRC. 1358 ^(Talk) 19:13, August 29, 2012 (UTC)