Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Ardok Ranch (second nomination)

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Ardok Ranch

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

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Support

  1. VergenceScatter (talk) 21:06, 15 September 2022 (UTC)
  2. ACvote JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 19:26, 12 October 2022 (UTC)
  3. Great work, Ziara! Samonic Signatureicon (Talk) 07:59, 13 October 2022 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Ayrehead02 (talk) 10:00, 8 December 2022 (UTC)
  5. ACvote Please check out my copy-edit. Nice work! MasterFredCommerce Guild(talk) (he/him) 10:40, 24 December 2022 (UTC)

Object

Where's my Qilori and Kilji Overlords short story
  • Preliminaries
    • Please add some images related to the Chiss across the page.
      • One is not enough. Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 08:18, 30 July 2022 (UTC)
        • wasnt done heh. added 2 total, not seeing anything else relevant that can be added, lmk BloodOfIrizi Sabine Starbird (talk) 00:47, 31 July 2022 (UTC)
    • Introduce paragraph breaks in each of the History's paragraphs but the one which mentions Jixtus.
      • done
    • The section that mentions Jixtus isn't necessary after you complete the objection above, so remove it. (the === ====)
    • I'm not sure that Lesser Evil says Bomarmo and his wife bought the ranch.
      • reworded
    • Templates shouldn't be italicized.
    • Missing category: Farms
      • added
    • Grysks's should be "Grysks"
      • changed
    • The Grysks aren't commanded by Jixtus, and you should specify it was a battle between Thrawn's fleet and Jixtus's fleet.
      • changed
        • Fleet shouldn't be capitalized; there's a non-conjectural title "Chiss fleet," so the page should be moved. Additionally, you mention th Grysks when you only need to say "against the Grysk coordinator Jixtus's fleet."
    • You will have to create a date note for when Bomarmo/Borika settled on Ardok Ranch. Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 17:46, 29 July 2022 (UTC)
      • added, lmk if this works or if you want the manual date not where the current lesser evil date ref sits BloodOfIrizi Sabine Starbird (talk) 23:22, 29 July 2022 (UTC)
  • Second wave:
    • No need to mention Thivik, Thurfian, Samakro, or Thrass's full names, as they're only mentioned once.
      • fixed
    • Some paragraphs have no references.
      • fixed
    • " "Thalias" traveled to Ardok Ranch" Where is the the before Ardok Ranch?
      • fixed
    • "with the location" Location of what?
      • done
    • I don't really think mentioning Thivik is necessary, Thrass compiled it, the man who gets the thing and hands it over isn't really relevant.
      • removed from Intro, id argue thivik is relevant in the body
        • I guess I can't change your mind. Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 10:30, 31 July 2022 (UTC)
    • You don't mention the Seekers' Shadehouse in the intro.
      • added
    • You are missing ''"<br />"''s in two quotes.
      • i.. dont think i am
        • You are. Note that my comment has the italics + the "s, while your article is missing both things. Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 10:01, 31 July 2022 (UTC)
    • No need to mention Che'ri's "I want to fight the Grysks" thingy, just say that she did not want to initially, but Thalias made the girl accept being in Ardok ranch.
      • fair.
    • Context for Packbull.
      • added
    • "the Magys, the leader of a species that resided in the Chaos, which gave Che'ri a boost in her Third Sight.[1]" The Magys is a person, so the which should be who.
      • fixed
    • No mention of what the Springhawk is affiliated to.
      • fixed
    • You should introduce Thrawn's full name.
    • A large part of the article is "X said this, this one refused to answer, but she answered." Basically, the dialogue should be mentioned in a smaller capacity. Take a look at Nakirre and Crofyp's pages. Much of the dialogue must be removed, which will, I think, significantly lower the word count. Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 08:18, 30 July 2022 (UTC)
      • removed some of the back and forth, lmk if its good or more needs to be removed BloodOfIrizi Sabine Starbird (talk) 00:06, 31 July 2022 (UTC)
        • More needs to be removed.
    • "She came to Ool looking for the Seekers Shadehouse, which was absent from all guidebooks that Thalias had looked through. She settled for Ardok Ranch, which was the actual address she had been provided. Thalias arrived at the Ranch where she was greeted by Borika, where she informed her about her friend Che'ri, who was having some problems and thought Borika could help." This should be cleaned up. For one, it's like this was Thalias' article instead of Ardok Ranch's. Also, you can't just say Thalias or she several times in a row. You should mix it up. Here's an example: "Thalias came to Ool looking for the Seekers' Shadehouse, however, as the facility was absent from the guidebooks the caregiver had checked, she traveled to Ardok Ranch. There, Borika greeted the newcomer under Ardok Ranch's porch."
      • done
    • Caregiver should be linked.
      • yurr
    • The second paragraph of Thalias' arrival can be broken up.
      • removed excess, cant really be broken up anymore
    • "Caregiver to sky-walker Che'ri" Should be: "the caregiver of the Chiss heavy cruiser Springhawk's navigator, Che'ri,"
      • disagree but whatever
    • There are many parts of the article irrelevant to Ardok Ranch. You wouldn't mention everything Nakirre and Jixtus talked about on the Whetstone's page, right? You would mention everything relevant to the Whetstone, e. g. Vassal One is ordered by Nakirre to move the Whetstone, vassals escort Qilori to the bridge, and similar things. Much of the dialogue isn't relevant to this location, which should be removed. Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 10:09, 31 July 2022 (UTC)
      • hard disagree here. i removed a bunch of the back and forth but the rest of it is relevant for 2 reasons - (a) it took place on the ranch so its part of its history. (b) its all relevant to the Seekers' Shadehouse which is housed on the ranch BloodOfIrizi Sabine Starbird (talk) 19:41, 1 August 2022 (UTC)
Vergence
  • After Borika once again refused to answer Thalias' question regarding her memories, the caregiver finally stated that she had come to Ardok Ranch for another reason, and informed Borika of her own past, that she was the older sister of Senior Captain Mitth'raw'nuruodo "Thrawn," the captain of the Springhwak. I know that Borika is the sister here, but the wording doesn't really make it clear.
    • hows that?
  • Reviewing note: be careful not to use apostrophes in plurals. VergenceScatter (talk) 05:43, 10 September 2022 (UTC)
    • will make note of it, thanks
  • After clearing the air on more hard truths, the Springhawk's Mid Captain Samakro called Thalias and informed her that she was needed back at Csilla Three things here: 1) Are they described as hard truths in the novel itself? 2) What are the truths that were cleared? They should probably explored. 3) The way it's currently written suggests that Samakro is the one who cleared the air, when in fact he wasn't present.
    • turns out the "hard truths" part wasnt necessary as the fading thing was the last thing talked about. reworded.
  • Please make sure you're okay with this copy edit VergenceScatter (talk) 05:46, 10 September 2022 (UTC)
    • looks good, thanks. one thing tho—you removed Thrass' core name in favor of his full in the intro, i think its best to have both (pipelinked) BloodOfIrizi Sabine Starbird (talk)
Macaroni
  • Check your opening quote punctuation as well as for the first image caption.
  • What exactly is a "spring-fed lake"? As a reader that's unclear to me, unless the source doesn't specify.
  • Few issues with the second date note: for one, even if most lose their Third Sight at around 14, we shouldn't necessarily apply that as a general rule, since there can be exceptions of older or younger loss as well. You also need a source for Lesser Evil's date within that date note.
  • Bts should mention which installment of the trilogy it is.
  • Review note: watch your quote formatting. JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 04:31, 28 September 2022 (UTC)
    • nothing on "spring-fed lake" other than its one mention. Date note for when Borika joined cohbo removed. rest are done BloodOfIrizi Sabine Starbird (talk) 17:55, 29 September 2022 (UTC)
  • The infobox should have a maximum of two levels of indentation, so the middle one should probably be removed if I'm undertstanding it correctly. JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 19:11, 29 September 2022 (UTC)
    • that work? the shadehouse is a subsidiary of the program, both are necesary to note BloodOfIrizi Sabine Starbird (talk) 18:02, 30 September 2022 (UTC)
Erebus
  • Similarly to star system or sector articles, like Quell system, we don't need to mention that the Ardok Ranch was a ranch immediately in the intro, since based on the name, people know it's a ranch. If you can alter the intro ever so slightly and place ranch elsewhere, that would be great, but please let me know if you don't agree with it.
  • Any image that can be used for the first section of History? Erebus Chronus (Talk) 00:48, 26 November 2022 (UTC)
Ayrehead
  • Is the shadehouse a structure on the ranch or an organization based there? If it's a structure then it should be in the description section as well and in points of interest rather then affiliations in the infobox. Ayrehead02 (talk) 09:26, 27 November 2022 (UTC)
    • fixed
  • Is the small town not worth its own article? Ayrehead02 (talk) 09:26, 27 November 2022 (UTC)
    • not really, no
  • "against the war-like species known as the Grysk coordinator Jixtus's fleet" it seems like you either need to say just "against the war-like species known as the Grysk" or "against the Grysk coordinator Jixtus's fleet" here. Ayrehead02 (talk) 09:26, 27 November 2022 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 10:40, 24 December 2022 (UTC)