- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Andray
- Nominated by: Supreme Emperor (talk) 05:43, November 15, 2013 (UTC)
- Nomination comments:Above 250, for the novels
(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)
Support
- Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 06:06, November 15, 2013 (UTC)
- DarthRevan1173
(Long live Lord Revan) 03:01, November 16, 2013 (UTC) 
7 Day Dray IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 01:41, November 18, 2013 (UTC)- Menkooroo (talk) 04:29, December 17, 2013 (UTC)
- Sir Cavalier of One
(Squadron channel) 10:14, December 17, 2013 (UTC) - JangFett (Talk) 15:20, January 8, 2014 (UTC)
Object
Andray Agassi
The infobox is missing quite a few parameters. I say reload! Adding the Council of Moffs to the affiliation field wouldn't be a bad idea, either.- Done and done.
Biography quote seems to be missing punctuation at the end.- Fixed.
We may not know which sector he governs, but we do know that it's in the Outer Rim. That seems like pertinent info. I'd like to see the article explicitly say that he governs a sector, too.- This good?
"In 19 ABY, he took part in a meeting taking place on the planet Bastion" --- the closeness of "took" and "taking" is a bit awkward, can you reword?- Better?
Some more repetition that stands out: "given time, the New Republic would disintegrate" is immediately followed by "given time, the New Republic would collapse." Can you vary up the prose?- This good?
Some more context on the meeting is needed on its first mention in the bio --- where on Bastion it happens, who's attending.- Done.
Context needed on Bastion in the bio, too (only the intro calls it the Imperial capital).- Done. Supreme Emperor (talk) 04:18, November 24, 2013 (UTC)
The biography ends very abruptly --- I'd like to see it better describe how the situation goes from Pellaeon asserting that the New Republic would wipe them out to the treaty being signed. Mentioning that all of the Moffs, not just Andray, agree to Pellaeon's plan, as well as why they do so, wouldn't be amiss.- Added that all the Moffs agreed, how much info would you like about the events leading up to the treaty?
I'd also like a smidge of context on the Pellaeon-Gavrisom treaty.- How's this?
That P&T. Why is it so bare? The article's leading quote provides plenty of fodder for it --- when Andray says that Palpatine "understood" that a strong hand needed to govern so many species, he's saying that he agrees with Palps. A note on why Andray ended up supporting Pellaeon's peace plan would be good info for the P&T, too.- Added info from the quote. As for why he supported, the novel doesn't state exactly why he agreed to support in the end, just that "The debate ran on for another hour. In the end, showing the same deep reluctance Pellaeon himself felt, they agreed."
- The article's good, but it's missing a lot. To be honest, it still reads like something that was intentionally written to be under 250 words. Brevity and the avoidance of fluff is of course a good thing, but the sequence of events described here feels very rushed. An article should never be written with a word count in mind; always tell the reader everything they need to know. Menkooroo (talk) 11:12, November 18, 2013 (UTC)
- For the record, I didn't write it with word count in mind, was just how it turned out. Supreme Emperor (talk) 05:34, December 6, 2013 (UTC)
Three more: Chapter 4 of Specter indicates that the meeting takes place in the palace's conference room; definitely worth mentioning.- Mentioned
It's also stated in chapter 4 that the meeting lasts an hour. If we can say how long Andray was in the conference room, seems like we should.- Don't know exactly how long it was, so I said over an hour.
A tidbit from Vision, chapter 32: Gavrisom looked up from Leia's datapad, his prehensile wing tips flicking restlessly across the desk beside it. "And you truly believe he is sincere about this?" he said. "Very sincere," Leia said, feeling a frown creasing her forehead. She had expected a considerably more positive reaction to Pellaeon's peace proposal. "And I examined the credentials he brought from the Imperial Moffs. Everything was in order." That Andray and the Moffs provided Pellaeon with their credentials so that he could officially open peace talks seems noteworthy enough to be mentioned near the end of the bio.Menkooroo (talk) 13:28, December 6, 2013 (UTC)
- Nice catch. Supreme Emperor (talk) 05:24, December 13, 2013 (UTC)
Jangeth
When Moff Bemos suggested that given time, the New Republic would disintegrate on its own, Andray agreed with him." Something isn't working here. I've read the sentence repeatedly and slowly, but it still reads rather awkwardly. If you mean that the New Republic would disintegrate on its own if given the time, then please see what you could do to correct this.- This any better?
"Though Pellaeon agreed that in time, the New Republic would collapse, he also believed that they would ensure the remnants of the Empire were eliminated long before any collapse could occur." Again, what are you trying to say here?- Any better now? Supreme Emperor (talk) 04:23, December 24, 2013 (UTC)
I would reread the entire "peace talks" paragraph. Something about it feels disjointed in a way. Possibly it's a result of all of the sentences that begin with short dependent clauses. JangFett (Talk) 23:19, December 18, 2013 (UTC)- Were there any parts in particular you'd like me to change? Supreme Emperor (talk) 14:26, December 29, 2013 (UTC)
Comments
Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 15:20, January 8, 2014 (UTC)
- I've removed the part about him controlling a sector fleet, as it seemed a little too speculatory to me. Supreme Emperor (talk) 05:43, November 15, 2013 (UTC)
- Currently around 269 words. Supreme Emperor (talk) 05:47, November 15, 2013 (UTC)