Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Alora

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Alora

  • Nominated by: Ruthless Xero(Comment) 06:57, June 24, 2011 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:Let's keep the ball rollin'.

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

Kilson's prelims
  • You need to expand the Intro a bit to include Alora's mission to Yavin to hack into Luke's archives and to give context on why Alora was on Hoth.
  • In the Intro, "During the cult's quest to resurrect the ancient Sith Lord Marka Ragnos, she encountered Jedi Padawan Jaden Korr on Hoth during his mission to locate areas with significant Force energies, and after a brief duel she fled." It's unclear here who you are referring to. You need to change the first "she" and probably the second one as well to "Alora".
    • Changed it a bit, there's still a "she" in there, but that should be fine. Ruthless Xero(Comment) 18:42, June 24, 2011 (UTC)
  • In the Intro and Bio, you need to mention the year of these events.
  • In the Bio, you need to add her gender and species like you did in the Intro.
  • You need to explain that the Cultists were siphoning Force energy because they were going to use it to resurrect Ragnos.
  • You had several redirects and missing links in the article. I fixed some of these, but you are still missing several. Please reread the article and see what you missed.
  • Have you checked the Star Wars: Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy: Prima's Official Strategy Guide? I'm sure Alora's mentioned in there, and if so, you need to add that to the Sources list. There might also be new info.
  • I'll give a full review after you address these. Kilson(Let's have a chat) 17:15, June 24, 2011 (UTC)
More prelims! But not from Kilson.
  • Can you kick off "Behind the scenes" with a more standard introduction? Although it's not codified anywhere, you'll find that the bts of every status article these days starts off with "So and so first appeared in" or "So and was created by _____ for the book/comic/video game ______."
  • Is she the only character in the game to have a unique taunt? If so, it might be worth it to explicitly state that. If not, a little more explanation is needed as to why her unique taunt is noteworthy.
    • I'm not sure if she's the only one with a unique taunt, but she is the only one that uses hers. Ruthless Xero(Comment) 21:24, July 14, 2011 (UTC)
  • "The second Alora model..." Wait, what second Alora model? Should there be a second Alora model? If so, why? Some elaboration is required.
    • It's in the game's files, and it's also in Multiplayer. Ruthless Xero(Comment) 21:24, July 14, 2011 (UTC)
      • OK, so explain that in the article.
        • Done. Ruthless Xero(Comment) 05:37, July 15, 2011 (UTC)
          • This could still use a little more explanation --- currently, the opening of the paragraph reads like we should already know something about character models and Alora having two of them, but nothing has actually been said about that yet. Mentioning that she has two outfits in multiplayer and the .npc files before saying that she doesn't have them in single-player might be a good idea --- that way, the article would be introducing them before going on to talk about discrepancies related to them. Menkooroo 15:24, July 28, 2011 (UTC)
  • How do we know that it's attributable to a programming glitch? That seems like speculation. Maybe she was just cold. Menkooroo 15:36, July 8, 2011 (UTC)
    • Again, it's in the game's .npc file for her. There are two lines for her playerModel determination, which there shouldn't be, and her Hoth outfit overrode her Taspir outfit. Ruthless Xero(Comment) 21:24, July 14, 2011 (UTC)
      • Sounds good, but be sure to explain this in the article, too. Menkooroo 01:39, July 15, 2011 (UTC)
Another prelim! By Cal
  • I still see some linking issues in the main article.
  • You also need to add some context on some of the things in the main article.
  • There is some minor grammar that I believe you should fix, rather than sofixit.
  • "This overconfidence was evident when Korr first encountered her on Hoth, remarking that Luke Skywalker was sending children after the Disciples of Ragnos" makes it sound like Korr is saying this.
  • I don't recall that Alora met Katarn on Taspir III. Katarn showed up after she was dead.
  • There will probably be more later.Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 22:29, July 12, 2011 (UTC)
  • I'll give the article another looking at after the rest of the objections have been taken care of. Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 20:42, July 29, 2011 (UTC)
Jangeth
  • Make sure before you do anything to the article, please be sure to reload the infobox. Replace the entire infobox with the entire appropriate fresh template.
    • I really don't understand what you mean by this. Ruthless Xero(Comment) 05:32, July 15, 2011 (UTC)
      • Replace the entire infobox with the entire appropriate fresh template.
        • Done. To be fair, you could have explained it better. Took me a while to figure out what you were saying. Ruthless Xero(Comment) 23:25, July 15, 2011 (UTC)
          • No worries. Though I believe I have said it quite clearly. Keep in mind, if this happens again in the future, you will know what "reload the infobox" means. :P Be sure to see my comment here as well. You were missing a few parameters, but I took care of them.
  • You need to mention that this "Disciples of Ragnos," is a cult beforehand, or else this sentence doesn't make any sense with the previous one. Was it a cult or followers? I generally would avoid using the term unless a source specifically mentions that it is.
    • Rectified, and it's mentioned in the game that it's a cult. Ruthless Xero(Comment) 05:32, July 15, 2011 (UTC)
  • Context on Specter of Ragnos
  • Your intro is a bit too detailed and gets pbp in some instances. The intro doesn't need to have every single thing that Alora has done, and only should mention important things. "Under orders from Axmis, Alora broke in to the Jedi Praxeum on Yavin 4 and sliced into the mainframe, stealing a list of such locations. Afterwards, Axmis sent Alora to Hoth to gain information on the area, where she encountered Jedi Padawan Jaden Korr during his mission to determine if any of the Force nexuses had been siphoned. After a brief duel, Alora fled." You can shorten, or rather merge these sentences together. You can mention that Axmis to different locations to find information. You can mention that Alora confronted on Hoth, but straight-to-the-point, before proceeding that she encountered him later on another place before being killed by him. See what you can do.
  • Another intro issue- Who is Korr's "friend"?
  • As it is frowned upon, please avoid linking in quote templates and images. Especially avoid overlinking in them.
    • Fixed. Ruthless Xero(Comment) 05:32, July 15, 2011 (UTC)
      • Wasn't really an objection, as I had taken care of this for you :P
  • Begin the bio with who Alora is. As it will help any reader, introduce her before getting into anything else.
  • I don't understand what's going on in the first paragraph of the bio. In the intro, you said Alora was giving an assignment to Luke's place in Yavin, but now you randomly mention her skills and explaining what her master taught her, which should all be in her P&A. Again, you should explain things in chronological order. If you're having trouble with how bios work, take a look at other FA/GAs.
  • "Alora and the Disciples of Ragnos were assisting and supervising the Imperial Remnant in their mission." What mission?
  • "Jaden Korr, a Jedi Initiate and apprentice of Kyle Katarn, was sent to investigate Hoth, where the Force ghost of Obi-Wan Kenobi manifested itself to Luke Skywalker during the Galactic Civil War, and determine if the Force energy there had been siphoned." I'm not sure what this sentence have to do with any of the ramblings from the first paragraph or any relation to the sentence that comes after it. I realize you mentioned Korr in your intro, but if events are taking place chronologically (and reading as if) in the bio, I'm sure it'll all make better sense.
  • In the intro, you said Axmis sent Alora to Hoth, now Alora is randomly on Hoth in the bio with no information to support it. Also, context on Echo Base.
  • "Shortly after, Korr located Alora in a hangar," A hangar of what/where?
    • A hangar. That's all. There's also no mention of them leaving Echo Base, so that's quite obvious. Ruthless Xero(Comment) 05:32, July 15, 2011 (UTC)
  • 'who had renounced the dark side and was being held captive in the cult's large facility" What cult? If this is the same cult that is mentioned in the intro, there's nothing explained of it in the bio. Also, again, is it a cult per se?
  • "Even though she had completed her training and was now using the Jar'Kai fighting style," What does this have anything to do with her death? Like I mentioned before, a lot of things that are mentioned in the bio sound like P&A material.
  • "who was an incredibly agile Dark Jedi skilled at lightsaber combat" That sounds like something that belongs in a P&A, rather than the P&T. You're describing her abilities.
  • Bts-"Alora is the only character in the game to have a different animation for Force Jump. Her version is more of a forward cartwheel while the standard animation for all other characters is a somersault. She can also perform a unique saber throw, throwing both her lightsabers at the same time and has a different taunt animation, briefly levitating and spinning both her blades." This sounds like player poi/speculation, which has no place in an article, unless it's mentioned somewhere like the prima guide, SW.com, someone official from Lucasarts, ect.
    • Again, it's in the game. It's showcased in the game. It's not speculation. Ruthless Xero(Comment) 05:32, July 15, 2011 (UTC)
      • Since I never discussed this with your previously, not sure what you mean. This instance could definitely use an image showing her version and then having another character do the same Force jump all in the same image. Basically two images in one. It could help, but if not, then it does sound like player poi. "throwing both her lightsabers at the same time and has a different taunt animation, briefly levitating and spinning both her blades." Stuff like that really is just hard to interpret.
        • It's not hard to interpret at all. The article clearly explains what makes the animations different and that they are unique to her. It's not poi. Also, there isn't any room in the article for an image. Ruthless Xero(Comment) 23:25, July 15, 2011 (UTC)
          • From my opinion, not everyone's opinions on something could be the same. I'll let this be for now. JangFett (Talk) 02:51, July 19, 2011 (UTC)
  • Bts-"The second Alora model never actually appears in the single player campaign. Instead, when you meet Alora on Taspir III, she is still wearing her Hoth attire, although this can be attributed to a programming glitch." If you're explaining game mechanics, as above, perhaps making it less poi-ish would suffice, otherwise I just never seen this in other video game character articles.
    • I don't understand how that would be game mechanics. Ruthless Xero(Comment) 05:32, July 15, 2011 (UTC)
      • You have to realize that not everyone played the game or it's been a while since they have. I'm trying to remember this "second model" you're speaking of, but I'm lost at the moment.
        • The article clearly states that the model is in the game's multiplayer mode and that because of a programming error the Hoth model is used on Taspir. You'll also notice the profile image is of her second model. Ruthless Xero(Comment) 23:25, July 15, 2011 (UTC)
          • "The second Alora model never actually appears in the single player campaign though it appears in the game's multiplayer mode" I don't understand this "second model" is what I'm trying to say. Which model is called which, is that the official name, ect. The prima guide could possibly help here.
  • Have you checked the prima guide for any information? Just to be sure. JangFett (Talk) 01:54, July 15, 2011 (UTC)
    • Unfortunately, I have no idea where my guide has gone. Ruthless Xero(Comment) 05:32, July 15, 2011 (UTC)
      • You need to check, since it's the nominator's responsibility to check all sources prior to nomination. Not sure who has the guide, but I'm sure someone could help you out.
  • One of the other things you need to be aware of is necessary context. It's wise to briefly explain what are certain things. I.e, you kept saying "on Hoth" or "on Yavin 4." While many might know what these locations are, you should say "the planet Hoth," just to dignify/clarify that it's a planet regardless. It'll also help the reader, so that when such an instance occurs in an article, they won't have to click or search the subject to learn what it is when the context in the article explains what that subject is. Hopefully this makes sense. JangFett (Talk) 02:51, July 19, 2011 (UTC)
Cav
  • Mention should be made of her being a Lethan Twi'lek in the bio and the infobox. At the moment, it's intro-exclusive.
  • In the intro, you call Korr a Padawan, but a Jedi Initiate in the bio. Which is it? As I understand it, Padawan was not in common use (if at all) during Korr's training.
  • The second Alora model never actually appears in the single player campaign though it appears in the game's multiplayer mode. Instead, when you meet Alora on Taspir III, she is still wearing her Hoth attire, although this is attributed to a programming glitch in the game's files where her Hoth model overrode her Taspir model. This is sourced to the game itself in the BTS. Firstly, what second Alora model? Secondly, who attributed it to a programming glitch? Unless a source can be found, this should be removed as speculation. - Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 18:26, July 20, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)

  1. ACvote Multiple objections now idle for two weeks. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:12, August 3, 2011 (UTC)
  2. ACvote Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 22:48, August 3, 2011 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Kilson(Let's have a chat) 23:02, August 3, 2011 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 08:37, August 4, 2011 (UTC)