Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Aaph Koden

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Aaph Koden

  • Nominated by: StarsiderSWG 20:55, May 24, 2012 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: I think I've updated this article as much as possible. Let me know if there's anything to fix.

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. ACvote Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 12:49, June 25, 2012 (UTC)
  2. Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 18:19, June 25, 2012 (UTC)
  3. Assuming Menkooroo's objections are satisfied. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 19:33, June 28, 2012 (UTC)
  4. ACvote JangFett (Talk) 20:00, July 2, 2012 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Menkooroo (talk) 21:31, July 3, 2012 (UTC)

Object

Exiled Jedi
  • Please expand the intro, another sentence would be about right.
  • Please mention the datadisc in the body of the article.
  • Could you break the text inside of the gamemechanics template into two paragraphs?
  • The text in the gamemechanics seems a little too choppy and play-by-play. Could you try and combine some of the shorter sentences together? It would also be a good idea to try and smooth out the wording to make it flow together better.
  • When the player escorted Reede to Anchorhead, didn't some stormtroopers or something else attack the player?
  • Mention that she is female in the body of the article.
  • "Fortunately, Koden encountered a spacer..." This is a point-of-view statement, please change it to something like, "Fortunately for Kodin, shhe encountered a spacer..."
  • I'll look over the article again after you take care of these objections.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 04:02, June 2, 2012 (UTC)
    • Okay, I believe I've now addressed these concerns, but if you want me to continue improving the writing style of the main biography, let me know. I'll also address any new concerns you might find. StarsiderSWG 20:18, June 2, 2012 (UTC)
      • Thank ya. So that's what you mean by play by play. I'll address that concern and the others by tomorrow. StarsiderSWG (talk) 03:21, June 28, 2012 (UTC)
  • "...falling to their deaths." This makes it sounds like they died from falling, I thought that the agent killed them. Please clarify.
  • My apologies for not looking at this again sooner.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 20:14, June 18, 2012 (UTC)
    • That's ok, no rush! Objection amended, I think. StarsiderSWG 02:52, June 19, 2012 (UTC)
Cav
  • Despite her overall lack of trust for outsiders, the Rebel agent pulled through, - who lacked trust? Koden or the Rebel agent. It's a little unclear. - Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 13:32, June 18, 2012 (UTC)
    • Okay, substituted "her" with "Koden's." StarsiderSWG 02:52, June 19, 2012 (UTC)
Oasis
  • Hey Starsider. Great to see another GAnom from you. I have a couple of minor formatting suggestions --- for the quote in "Personality and traits," check out our dash policy. The emdash code (with no spaces surrounding it) should be used instead of two hyphens.
  • Image captions should only include punctuation at the end if they're complete sentences, and the caption for the image of Talia is not.
  • Actually --- is there another image of Aaph Koden you could nab from Galaxies to replace the one of Talia? Images of the article's subject are always preferable to semi-relevant images of other people.
  • A common objection is to the use of "play-by-play," which refers to every line of a conversation being described. There are a few cases of this in the article:
"The Rebel once again obliged, but not without asking Koden why Reede could not simply use the Force to save herself. Koden answered the question, by saying Reede was not adequately trained to use the Force to her advantage."
"Koden asked the agent to work as an escort, ensuring Reede's safe passage into the town. The agent accepted this responsibility, but expressed confusion as to why Reede had not started training sooner. Koden explained that Reede was very skeptical of her Force-sensitivity, and needed a considerable amount of time to be convinced otherwise."
Play-by-play is discouraged, as the amount of detail it includes is overkill --- conversations should be pared down to get their key points across. Can you have a go at doing that here?
  • Good job! I like how you linked to the Galaxies wiki throughout the BTS. Menkooroo 03:33, June 26, 2012 (UTC)
    • Thank ya. So that's what you guys mean by play by play. I'll address that and the other concerns by tomorrow. StarsiderSWG (talk) 03:22, June 28, 2012 (UTC)
      • I've now addressed your concerns. I also tried reducing the play-by-play aspects of the biography, but if you want me to work on it some more, I can. StarsiderSWG (talk) 19:15, June 28, 2012 (UTC)
Jangston
  • I'm currently seeing a lot of "Yet," as a way to transition into a new sentence throughout the bio. You could vary up the word to avoid repetitiveness.
  • Do we really need to know that the game closed in 2011? Since it is apart of Aaph's article, it currently makes no sense as it stands. Unless, of course, you integrate that sentence with the previous sentence so it could read as "Aaph was an NPC in the game prior to its shut down in December." JangFett (Talk) 15:07, July 1, 2012 (UTC)
    • Reduced the "yets" and rephrased the BTS portion to tie in more with Aaph Koden. But if it still seems out of place I can just remove that portion entirely. StarsiderSWG (talk) 17:37, July 1, 2012 (UTC)

Comments