Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/43rd Battalion

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

43rd Battalion

  • Nominated by: Clone Commander Lee Talk 16:20, December 14, 2011 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: From CAN to GAN (Part 2). Non-TCW clones!

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. What will we ever do without a fighting 43rd Battalion?--Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 18:47, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
  2. ACvote JangFett (Talk) 18:41, December 29, 2011 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 03:11, December 30, 2011 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:07, December 30, 2011 (UTC)
  5. Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 17:30, December 31, 2011 (UTC)

Object

Cal Jedi
  • "However, the whole Battalion was completely wiped out during the fight, which resulted in a crushing Republic defeat." - This makes it sound like the Republic lost because the 43rd was lost. However, in the Bio, you make it sound like the Republic continued fighting for a little while even though the 43rd had been wiped out. So, I don't think the Republic really lost because the 43rd was wiped out.
  • Some context on Shelter Base's first mention.
  • The term "disastrous" sounds a bit POV. See if you can find a better term.
  • "the Separatist troops bombarded Shelter Base with hailfire droids." - The Separatist troops bombarded Shelter Base with hailfire droids? Or the Separatist used hailfire droids to bombard the base?
  • A "Biography" is the story of one's life told by another. I know that there is no Layout Guide for organizations, per se, but I think that this should be changed to "History."--Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 02:33, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
  • One more thing: in the infobox, you say it happened in 21 BBY. However, in the body you say that it happened in 20.8 BBY. It needs to be changed to whichever is accurate.--Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 03:35, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
    • 20.8 BBY is more accurate. Fixed and thanks for the review. Clone Commander Lee Talk 16:03, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
Moffship
  • "...a unit in the Grand Army of the Republic that consisted of clone troopers during the Clone Wars..." - This wording implies that the 43rd existed at some point before or after the Clone Wars and was not comprised of clone troopers at such a point.
  • "In 20.8 BBY, the 43rd served in an attempt to recapture the former Republic-aligned planet Jabiim." - This would work a lot better if you just stated that the unit fought in a battle rather than making the battalion's role on Jabiim vague.
  • Lastly for the intro, saying "the whole battalion was completely wiped out" is redundant; either "whole battalion" or "completely wiped out" is fine, but not both.
  • Some context on aiwha would be appropriate in the history section.
    • Added. Clone Commander Lee Talk 14:07, December 20, 2011 (UTC)
      • While this is a start, you cannot source the battalion's nickname to the DB entry. I'd suggest making a separate sentence that introduces the nickname and provides a brief explanation of what an aiwha is. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 17:04, December 20, 2011 (UTC)
  • Please clarify that Stratus was not the Separatist leader, but the Separatist commander during the battle.
  • "The attack cost the lives of thirty-two members of the 43rd, as well as three Jedi." - Again, please state outright what it is you're trying to say.
    • Eh, I fear that I do not understand what you mean by this. Is the "three Jedi" too much not-related stuff or is there anything unclear about the wording? Clone Commander Lee Talk 14:01, December 20, 2011 (UTC)
  • That's all for now. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 03:27, December 20, 2011 (UTC)
Jangeth
  • According to NEC, the Battle of Jabiim took place from 20.79-20.67 BBY, so I'm not sure why you're suggesting that it's accurate above. I also took a look at the Jabiim TPB, and it mentions that the battle took place "fifteen months after the Battle of Geonosis." In this case, I would properly source it to NEC. If not, you can always use 21 BBY, which is certainly fine.
  • "launched a counterattack on the weakly defended Shelter Base." "Weakly" is too colloquial, and it needs to be replaced or removed. Suggesting that it's "weakly" can also be POV-ish.
  • "Covered by a night storm," I don't understand this. You can't really be "covered" by a thunderstorm, in the context your suggesting. I would offer suggestions, but Lee, I would like to see you handle this on your own.
    • Could you be a little bit more precise. I do not understand your problem. BTW the wording is similiar to the source. Clone Commander Lee Talk 20:04, December 20, 2011 (UTC)
      • I see the wording, and you need to paraphrase it better, Lee. That clause alone. JangFett (Talk) 22:28, December 20, 2011 (UTC)
        • Please try it now. Clone Commander Lee Talk 12:52, December 21, 2011 (UTC)
          • Lee, do not plagiarize. In the source, it is stated as "Under the cover of a night storm," and in your article now, it's "Under the cover of a night storm." What I am asking you to do is paraphrase that clause. Please go back and rewrite it. You should know by now that plagiarism is wrong, as you were warned about this in the past. JangFett (Talk) 22:56, December 22, 2011 (UTC)
  • The battle continued to rage for weeks, and the 43rd was completely wiped out during the fight." After reading the previous sentences about the CIS attack on the Republic base, this sounds like it's referring to the continuous bombing of the base. Is this the case here? I'm not seeing it in the source. Or are you referring to the overall battle on Jabiim?
    • Adressed. Clone Commander Lee Talk 20:00, December 20, 2011 (UTC)
      • Still remains. JangFett (Talk) 22:28, December 20, 2011 (UTC)
        • No source clearly states if the battalion was destroyed by the attacks on the base or during the overall battle. Therefore the current wording is the best way to describe it IMHO. Clone Commander Lee Talk 12:50, December 21, 2011 (UTC)
          • That's not what I'm asking. Please clarify. Are you talking about the battle, as in Battle of Jabiim, or are you calling the CIS' bombardment of the base "a battle" and then the 43rd were wiped out during that fight? What I'm believing, as what's present, is the latter. JangFett (Talk) 22:56, December 22, 2011 (UTC)
            • Should be clearer now. Clone Commander Lee Talk 12:43, December 23, 2011 (UTC)
              • I'm sorry Lee, but the source does not mention anything about the end of the Battle of Jabiim, and you currently source it to comic TPB. The 43rd was wiped out during the fight, as in the Shelter Base fight according to the source, while you still suggest they were wiped out after the battle. JangFett (Talk) 17:38, December 26, 2011 (UTC)
                • The 43rd was one of the units left behind to guard Shelter Base during a three-pronged attack aimed at capturing three Separatist holdings. But the Separatists learned of the plan and struck at Shelter Base while it was relatively undefended. All the clones in the 43rd Battalion were killed in the fighting, along with many Jedi Knights. That's what the CSWE says and I can't say if that means that the battalion was completely destroyed during the attack or after it. Or do you think that there is a sourcing problem? Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:26, December 26, 2011 (UTC)
                  • ". But the Separatists learned of the plan and struck at Shelter Base while it was relatively undefended. All the clones in the 43rd Battalion were killed in the fighting, along with many Jedi Knights." In both the CSWE and Holonet, it states the 43rd was wiped out during the Shelter base fight, not after the battle, as you state currently. JangFett (Talk) 18:36, December 26, 2011 (UTC)
                    • Adressed the sourcing problem. Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:56, December 26, 2011 (UTC)
                      • Good job with the history section, now please fix the intro as it currently suggests that the 43rd were wiped out as a result of the battle. You can go into detail about what occurred with the 43rd at Shelter base, since it's rather important. JangFett (Talk) 23:32, December 26, 2011 (UTC)
                        • Now fine? Clone Commander Lee Talk 10:42, December 27, 2011 (UTC)
                          • Lee, please watch your grammar next time. You should be able to catch simple mistakes, such as difference between "a or an" or "Separatist" instead of "Sepertist." JangFett (Talk) 18:17, December 27, 2011 (UTC)
  • Lee, I think I've mentioned this to you quite a lot in your CC-1993 article. If you're going to pipelink subjects, please keep any word remaining in the double brackets. In the article I saw [[IG-227 Hailfire-class droid tank/Legends|hailfire droid]]s. The "s" needs to go within the double bracket to become [[IG-227 Hailfire-class droid tank/Legends|hailfire droids]]. Please pay close attention to this in the future. Next time, I won't correct it and remind you what's the issue with the incorrect pipelink. JangFett (Talk) 19:01, December 20, 2011 (UTC)
    • I'll do my best. Thanks for the review. Clone Commander Lee Talk 20:00, December 20, 2011 (UTC)
      • I hope so. I shouldn't have to repeat myself all the time regarding this issue. JangFett (Talk) 22:28, December 20, 2011 (UTC)
  • Can you please change the wording in the first sentence of the history so it doesn't match the intro? JangFett (Talk) 22:28, December 20, 2011 (UTC)
  • "The 43rd was part of the Republic force and was stationed at an outpost called Shelter Base while other forces of the Grand Army moved against three Separatist holdings." Please specify where they were stationed at. It's unclear where Shelter Base was located at. JangFett (Talk) 22:28, December 28, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 20:07, December 31, 2011 (UTC)