Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Zam Wesell/Legends

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Zam Wesell

(5 Inqs/2 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. This is the kind of article I like to see featured. Skippy Farlstendoiro 20:48, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 04:22, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Even a shapeshifter could not keep up with the galaxy's pace of change… -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 18:05, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:30, November 11, 2009 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Nicely done and very, very, clean.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 05:40, December 3, 2009 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 01:31, December 20, 2009 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote -- Darth Culator (Talk) 02:03, December 24, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Okey, Farlstendoiro, change back to your real face
    • Intro: As she has not used so many different names, I strongly suggest to add the known ones in the intro: Zam Wesell, sometimes known as Marby Welcus
      • I would have, except that she only used that name on one occasion in canon. This is no different than the individual times she impersonated Holowan or Fernooda. The one occasion is a quick detail that is not needed in the intro. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
    • Intro: It was then revealed that a seedy underworld general... It was revealed, or Wesell discovered?
      • Revealed to Wesell—although, implied that such was an accident. She did not actively seek to discover it. Clarified in the text. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
    • Intro: capitol-world of Coruscant. I think you mean capital, not capitol but I'm not sure (Used twice)
    • Bio/Early life: The first paragraph has three successive refnotes for [10]. Only the last one is needed; you don't need to source three successive sentences if all of them have the same exact source. This explains my point better than I do.
      • Maybe I'm incorrect, but I was taught on this site that partial sentences (such as the first and last of the three) should be cited separately. If I'm wrong, I'll gladly change it; I just thought it was supposed to be that way. Removed anyway. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
    • Bio/Early life: Third level mastery of the Mabari martial arts. Is that very high? Is it the highest level, the lowest level...?
    • Bio/Encounter on Oovo IV: At the same time, Mandalorian bounty hunter Jango Fett was also in pursuit of Fust. Why? Was he pursuing the same reward? If so, it should be added.
    • Bio/Mission to Malastare: Fett retorted, "You're lucky I don't kill you. I'm allowing you to tag along because you might be useful.". Not a real objection, but a suggestion: Maybe you could avoid directly quoting characters in the text? Again, later: "I've got a bounty to hunt." "Take care of yourself, Jango… until next time." "It was just a job."
    • Bio/Mission to Malastare: Context for Montross in his first mention, not two sentences later.
    • Bio/Intrigue on Tatooine: She then provided information about the Hutts which had originally been provided by Watto Confusing: Watto provided that information to whom?
    • Bio/Conspiracy exposed and defeated: Fett was knocked off the walkway by a Wookiee. Suggestion: Consider adding some context specifying that it was not some Wookiee bystander but one of Khorda's minions. Suggestion: Add instead some words in the previous paragraph to specify that Khorda was not alone at the power relay.
    • Bio/First assassination attempt: You have previously talked about, and linked, Tyranus; now you mention and link Dooku. Maybe you should do something, perhaps contextualize. Maybe simply "Dooku, a previous employer of Fett".
    • Bio/First assassination attempt: The explosive device, however, also had a flaw. A technical hitch in the triggering mechanism also allowed the Senator to escape. I don't understand the sentence: The Senator escaped because she was not there. Maybe you mean that the hitch would have allowed her to escape even if she was in the bomb's range?
      • Unfortunately, that is the problem with two slightly conflicting sources. The fact files do not expand other than what I've put and any closer to the original text would be plagiarism. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
    • Bio/First assassination attempt: The droid R2-D2, which was scanning Which or who?
    • Powers/Shape-shifting: For Clawdites, however, this process was extremely painful and it took great skill to achieve.[11] Wesell, however, developed skills in her shape-shifting and became highly skilled at self-alteration. You used word "however" twice in successive sentences. Consider a synonym.
    • Powers/tactical skills: Yet, her most important skill was her shape-shifting ability Who says it was more important than other skills? NPOV?
      • That is cited directly to the Fact File. Off hand, I believe the exact wording is something like "most vital." — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
        • Oh, evil Fact Files.
    • Equipment: Her obtaining the Koro-2 in a mining colony contrlled by the Mining Guild and a custom-made droid made by the Malkite Poisoners could be added to her biography.
      • Mentions made, although talking about the speeder does break up the flow substantially. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
        • Again a little fix and hope you don't mind.
    • Bts/Character development: Early drafts of the Episode Two scripts referred to Wesell as a "C.A.T.," a Corporate Alliance Trooper I strongly believe Corporate Alliance should be a link.
      • Done, but that does fall under {{sofixit}}. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
        • I thought about {{sofixing}} it myself, but decided against: It was too much assuming that you wouldn't mind such a change.
    • Bts: Theomet Danlé's background was created by "winstonvalleyjedi" through What's the Story?, heavily using Wessel. Maybe when you mention Danlé in BtS, you could add this detail.
    • I've made some slight changes, removing repeated links and adding spaces and so under {{sofixit}}. Hope you don't mind. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:31, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
  2. Fett
    • Hey Fiolli, I'll begin with the first few sections of Zam's Early life.
    • "She was a member of the Clawdite species, who had become changelings due to genetic engineering gone awry centuries prior to her birth." For the "who had become changelings", specify who the "who" was.
    • "Eventually, however, she was exposed." What was she exposed too?
    • Mission to Malastare-"At that moment, Wesell realized that Fett was working another, larger job and demanded that she be involved." Missing a word "and demanded that she be involved.". Also, while I did played Bounty Hunter, they conferred inside Fett's new ship. I'm not sure were they are in the article, quite confusing.
      • I honestly don't see anything missing. Plus, the first two sentences of that paragraph establish that they are in the ship. I changed a the to his, but it does establish the setting.
        • I see.
    • I feel like I'm playing Bounty Hunter again while reading "Mission to Malastare". :) Perhaps lessen the pbp.
    • Mission to Malastare-"By nightfall, Fett still had not climbed the cliff." Merging this sentence with the previous will make it flow better.
    • MtM-"Connecting statements by Montross about Komari Vosa to his pursuits of Sebolto, she surmised that he was after the former-Jedi–turned–cult-leader of the Bando Gora via private invitation." For the "former-Jedi–turned–cult-leader", Vosa left the order and became Dooku's Dark Jedi apprentice. Perhaps simplify/shorten that meaning.
    • End of the Hunt-"The Mandalorian proceeded to the moon of and was immediately attacked by Bando Gora slaves." Missing a word after "moon of"
    • I'm seeing linking within the captions of the images. While you linked the subjects in her bio, do you think it's relevant that you also linked them in the captions?
      • I thought it was, but I plan to deal specifically with the images once the article is more worked through by the Inq. Things can always change dramatically. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 15:39, 15 August 2009 (UTC)
    • I'll continue with "Infant of Shaa incident (27 BBY)". Interesting read so far Fiolli. I'm surprised to see other Wookieepedians, other than myself, are interested in Zam/Jango :P JangFett Talk 18:39, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
  3. Somehow Scum and Villainy (sourcebook) was forgotten. Will add within a couple days. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:51, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
  4. Attack of the Clone
    • "It was during this time that Wesell met another Clawdite": can this "other Clawdite" get an article? I don't see why he doesn't have one.
    • "End of the hunt" is starting to get extremely pbp. Try to see if you can smooth the flow.
    • Please watch your linking...it's been seriously lacking in the small portion I've read. I would highly recommend that you check the rest of the article before I pick up my review. I'll continue with "Crossed contracts" soon. CC7567 (talk) 05:15, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "The contract had been placed by a rival named Antonin": I'm assuming you mean that he was a rival of Dreddon's, but please clarify.
      • Reworded.
    • In "Stealing the artifact" (and basically thoughout the whole article), please check your "dispatching with"; I'm unsure of what you mean. I don't believe it's an English idiom.
      • "Dispatching with" is a more formal way of expressing that she took care of them, or bested them in some kind of either battle or fight.
    • "to that point": ...to what point? Please clarify.
      • Tweaked.
    • As amusing the word "thug" is, can you try to vary it a bit?
      • Varied.
    • "The bounty hunter appeared as a thin, timid man who acted as a disoriented and confused simpleton." So she was acting as a man, who was acting as a simpleton? If that's factually correct, then I guess it's fine, but if not, I think this can be worded better.
      • That is factually correct. That's why I used "appeared" first and "acted" second to have some variance.
    • A note before I get into "Plot to assassinate Senator Amidala": for consistency, I would recommend only using quotes in the sub-sub-headers (i.e. "First assassination attempt" and "Second assassination attempt and death") instead of under the main "Plot" as well. It's the only time you do that in the article, and it looks like you're just trying to use as many quotes as you can. CC7567 (talk) 07:05, 1 September 2009 (UTC)
    • Please check this image caption: "Wesell while being confronted by Jango Fett her first attempt to kill Senator Amidala failed."
    • "However, Wesell possessed an ability to mimic a Dug, which required some bodily reconfiguration and create extra skin to hide explosives when infiltrating Kuat." Can you do rephrasing for "create"? I can't tell what it's supposed to be linked to.
    • "Furthermore, most Clawdites only possessed the ability to alter skin tone; or, at most, other humanoid species." Please check the last part; from the context, it doesn't sound like you're trying to say "alter other humanoid species."
    • "While it was extremely rare": I'm assuming you mean rare for Clawdites, but please clarify.
    • Are you absolutely sure that she used her blaster pistol during the Clone Wars when they hadn't even begun on Geonosis?
    • "The explosives were available to use": I can't understand how, and your wording implies that they were available for anyone to use.
    • "Jango Fett freed Wesell from the beast and instructed her to drop the cylindrical devices. They exploded, killing the creature." Please explain how this is relevant to the "Equipment" section. It's reading right out of the "History," and as the Equipment really shouldn't include anything beyond a brief history, this is rather excessive. If you need to keep it in, please shorten it. (In this case, Fett doesn't appear to be relevant either.)
    • "The wreckage of the droid was later recovered and included a status log of Wesell's bounties." Please check the time implications this sentence gives; it doesn't sound like it suddenly included a status log when it was found.
      • Reworded.
    • Please rephrase "successfully asked." All that means is that she asked something, and that doesn't mean that she got what she was asking for.
    • Please vary one of your uses of "learned of her death" in Boba's section.
    • A very interesting read, Fiolli. CC7567 (talk) 03:20, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
  5. Harrar
    • "Wesell made Holowan give an attempt to deactivate the device, but failed, shocking the woman." — can this be re-phrased? I'm uncertain as to what's going on.
    • Learning that his next target was on Balmorra, the bounty hunters departed." Grodo links to a character from The Hutt Gambit. Is this the case?! I'm surprised but very impressed if it is.
    • You don't mention Wesell's final words, when she curses Fett in Huttese (to my knowledge). Is there any reason for this?
      • Yes, I felt there were more important quotes to include, and room was lacking to force this one in. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:14, October 3, 2009 (UTC)
        • Are you sure about this exclusion? It seems like we're whitewashing this moment, which is essentially Wesell using her last breaths to curse Jango for the betrayal of their relationship. I'd say it's significant, even if it doesn't mesh well with some of the other material. And also, people who've watched the film might wish to know what she says as she dies. -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 11:36, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
          • I added more detail of the material to the prose, but I see no place to add the exact quote. Plus, I have nothing that provides an exact translation to what she said. The word "murishani" is fanon. The sources I have give different words. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:07, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
  6. *Any way the Danlé bomb and the landing pad bomb can have both been used by Wesell?
      • It is possible, but no source reconciles the two methods. I decided to refrain from speculating how it could have been done. That is why the comments about it are in the Bts. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:14, October 3, 2009 (UTC)
    • Sure thing.
    • I did a copyedit and re-worded some stuff, removing quotations from within the prose and turning them into indirect speech as best I could. I also changed some "dispatched with"s by removing "with", which I believe is an unnecessary preposition. It was a thoroughly enjoyable read though; I read it all in one sitting! Well done on an important movie character; furthermore, excellently and painstakingly researched. -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 19:08, October 1, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • I am aware that one—and possibly two—images are in violation of WP:I at the moment because of blanked speech bubbles. I am working on having this rectified as quickly as possible. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:34, 16 July 2009 (UTC)
    • Is there a reason almost every image is on the right side? Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 00:26, 17 July 2009 (UTC)
      • Yes, for uniformity and aesthetic appearance since I placed the noncaptioned images under the relationship heading in a similar manner as key characters in OOU articles. There is no set rule that all have to be in alternating sides, so encyclopedic uniformity was preferred to having images dancing around the page from side to side which, in the case of this article, looked quite poor. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:20, 17 July 2009 (UTC)
        • You can still alternate the images and then have the two noncaptioned ones on the one side. Personally, I think having them all on the one side doesn't look great aesthetically, and might distract readers' attentions because it's not what they're used to seeing. Either way, I think it looks odd. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:29, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
          • Yes it does. It just doesn't suit that they are all in the same side.--Kreivi Wolter 12:11, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
            • You know, I naturally read this after I alternated all of the images. I agree with Ackbar and Kreivi, but if it is ultimately decided that they can be left all on the right minus the noncaptioned ones, then I can change them back since I'm the one who changed them to begin with.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 05:40, December 3, 2009 (UTC)
              • No problem, Tommy. I was waiting until after the fourth review in order to make sure spacing was fine in case of major additions or subtractions. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:13, December 4, 2009 (UTC)
    • Many thanks to Redemption for taking care of the two images in question. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:08, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
  • I added an update tag for you. There's some interesting info consering her romance with another Clawdite and her daughter in the Scum and Villainy (sourcebook), pages 113-114. MauserComlink 15:45, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Also, what's up with the redlink for Star Wars Trading Card Game – Jedi Nights?—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 05:40, December 3, 2009 (UTC)

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 02:03, December 24, 2009 (UTC)