Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Yun

< Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Yun

(5 Inqs/2 Users/7 Total/INQCON 5)

Support

  1. I think that the article is featured article material. ZEM talk to me! 05:44, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Thefourdotelipsis 23:43, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 11:49, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
  4. This article IS FA material. --Clonehunter 14:43, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote —Xwing328(Talk) 18:52, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Green Tentacle (Talk) 18:28, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No quarter given, all exits sealed) 21:59, 3 June 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Find out who voiced him in the radio dramas. Mauser 11:00, 22 March 2009 (UTC)
  2. Four Dot:
    • "Indirectly, Yun continued to help Katarn even after his death; it was Yun's lightsaber that Katarn used to defeat Jerec and save the galaxy from his evil." - Evil is POV.
      • Removed the entire part about "saving the galaxy".
    • "In order for his plans to come to fruition, however, he needed the power of the Valley of the Jedi, a Force nexus formed in the outcome of the New Sith Wars, when the souls of numerous Jedi and Sith were trapped in the Valley as a result of the explosion of the thought bomb, a powerful weapon detonated by Lord Kaan, one of the last leaders of the Sith during that period." - This sentence should be broken up.
      • Broken up into two sentences.
    • "Rahn and his Rebel companions" - Which Rebel companions? You need to introduce them a few sentences earlier, or properly introduce them there.
      • Introduced.
    • "Sariss then gave Yun his next assignment—to find out what happened to Patrol Zulu, Able, Mary 341, which was long overdue." - Overdue for what?
      • Not for what. "Overdue" here means: "delayed beyond an appointed time".
    • Too much detail in the first paragraph of the "Differences between versions" section. And the second paragraph too. Don't specify the dialogue changes, just mention that there are dialogue changes. Thefourdotelipsis 00:33, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
  3. What happens after they meet Arden Lyn? You mention that he meets her but don't talk about it at all after that point. Chack Jadson (Talk) 17:13, 25 April 2009 (UTC)
  4. From the cramped cockpit of Xwing328:
    • No link to his own father.
    • "Yun soon pledged his family's assets..." This sentence could use some work - it's rather convoluted.
    • "Soon, a Jedi called Qu Rahn was located on the planet Dorlo." The word "soon" doesn't seem related to this sentence.
    • "Rahn and his Rebel companions..." Are these Rebel Alliance rebels? If so, link; otherwise, lowercase. —Xwing328(Talk) 04:11, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
      • Although the book takes place in 5 ABY, they are still called "the Rebels" (uppercase). Linked to the Rebel Alliance according to it. QuiGonJinnThere's always a bigger fish. 15:15, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
  5. Jinzler
  6. From the Chron-O-John of Green Tentacle:
    • "Yun once again began having dreams of himself killing many people" This appears to be the first mention of him having dreams (unless I missed something). Either mention it earlier or rephrase it here.
      • It is mentioned earlier now. The problem is that it is not exactly stated when he began having nightmares, so my placement is rather conjectural. QuiGonJinnThere's always a bigger fish. 17:14, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
    • "Boc and Jerec were left as the only Dark Jedi alive" Can you rephrase this? They were the last of Jerec's Seven Dark Jedi, but not the last Dark Jedi alive.
      • Rephrased.
    • Personality and traits seems a little disorganized, particularly the first paragraph which seems to jump around a bit. Could you try to arrange it a little better or at least split the first paragraph to make it easier to follow. While you're at it, you mention Sariss not returning his feelings before you get to the bit about him loving her, and the sentence starting "alternatively, when Jerec…" doesn't follow on from anything.
    • The bit about getting rid of the Jedi spirits is a little clearer in powers and abilities than in the biography. Explain what he tried to do a bit better in the bio. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:12, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
  7. Saesee Tommy:
    • "In order for his plans to come to fruition, however, he needed the power of the Valley of the Jedi, a Force nexus formed in the outcome of the New Sith Wars." Was this when the previously mentioned Emperor Palpatine died? A note of context regarding when the NSW ended, so the next few sentences are covered as well.
    • "If Jerec could control the essence of the valley, he would be the ultimate power in the universe." A tad POV the way it is currently written.
    • "However, Yun's frustration with the task he considered unworthy of himself and his doubts of the dark side faded away when Jerec took him to the planet in his personal ship, telling Yun many amusing stories along the way and leaving the young Dark Jedi with a sense of significance." This reads rather awkwardly. Please reword.
    • I still find the P&T to be a bit disorganized. You go from talking about Yun's love of Sariss to him killing alot. If they are at all related, you need to tie the subjects together a little better. It gives a feeling of jumping around all over the place.
      • OK, I tried to tie it a little better. I hate P&Ts :P
    • "However, upon seeing Sariss not responding to his feelings, Yun started to doubt if the fact that he was beside his love was worth the price he had paid for it. Can you reword so that it doesn't read so awkwardly?
    • In the P&A, organize your thoughts a little better. Talk about his offensive Force abilities, then his defensive/non aggressive ones, then his lightsaber/combat skills, or something like that. As it is, everything seems to be just jumbled together.
    • More coming.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No quarter given, all exits sealed) 22:14, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
    • Decent.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No quarter given, all exits sealed) 22:07, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

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