Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Yaru Korsin

< Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Yaru Korsin

  • Nominated by: IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 07:08, June 30, 2012 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: FP:LT rides again!

(3 Inqs/4 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. Plagueis327 (talk) 04:33, July 1, 2012 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 20:45, August 9, 2012 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Yahoo Yaru! Menkooroo (talk) 07:04, August 27, 2012 (UTC)
  4. JangFett (Talk) 15:42, September 4, 2012 (UTC)
  5. ~SavageBOB sig 02:14, September 5, 2012 (UTC)
  6. Shame that wasn't a picture of him. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 21:46, September 7, 2012 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote 1358 (Talk) 17:03, September 8, 2012 (UTC)

Object

Yaru
  • The intro does a good job of describing the mission to Phaegon III as being during the height of the Great Hyperspace War, but the bio is more vague on the subject, only mentioning the war as a future event when describing Yaru's birth. I think the added context on the mission as being part of the war is needed in the bio, too.
    • Fixed.
  • "In 5,000 BBY.... Korsin had been a captain in the Sith navy for twenty years." If this is the case, then the bio's opening paragraph could nail down some dates, eg him appealing to the Sith Lords in 5025 BBY and making captain in 5020 BBY. No reason to be vague about those dates if we can definitively place them, is there?
    • Done.
  • There are some sentences in the bio that seem a bit too detailed: "Korsin treated the deaths of the Massassi with indifference, doubting that he had the capability to command Massassi anyway" is definitely good P&T fodder, but a little much for the bio, I think. Menkooroo (talk) 03:22, August 15, 2012 (UTC)
    • Removed that sentence, any other ones in particular? IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 23:32, August 15, 2012 (UTC)
      • Shortened one about him telling Adari why he killed Devore. See what you think.
  • I like the image caption in "The Pureblood purge," but I can't help but feel that punctuating the sentence fragment of "A member of the Sith species." breaks policy.
    • Changed to a semicolon.
  • The Pureblood Sith are only called the Fifty-seven in a quote attribution. Should that title make its way into the bio? Menkooroo (talk) 05:14, August 21, 2012 (UTC)
  • Sorry for the three-part review. This is it; it's over! The first paragraph of "Death" does some backtracking, describing some events of 4,975 BBY before going on to detail what happened over the twelve previous years. Can you keep it chronological and relocate the information from the first two sentences to a more linear place?
    • Rearranged.
      • Nice. I'm wondering if you can take it one step further, though: "Over the last few years, Korsin had focused on reshaping Kesh into a true Sith world..." Is still a jump backward in chronology. To keep things linear, I feel like it would make more sense to open the "Death" subsection with an account of what happened over the years following the pureblood purge (ie reshaping Kesh, killing the dissenter, sending Nida to be trained) before getting to 4975 BBY and the lavish ceremony. Does that make sense?
        • Yeah sure. Fixed.
  • A similar objection regarding his discovery of Keshtah Major: It should be mentioned earlier, as close as you can pinpoint to when Yaru discovered it, rather than waiting to reveal it at the point that the reader of Secrets finds out about it.
    • Yeah, there's no semblance of a timeframe given for when this was.
      • Maybe stick it somewhere in the beginning of "death" with a vague timeline of "At some point before 4975 BBY..." ? He definitly knows about it before his final duel; waiting until the end to reveal it would make sense in Nida's article, but if Yaru knows about it before then, then I feel like the reader of his article should, too. Otherwise it seems like more chronological backtracking. Menkooroo (talk) 23:34, August 25, 2012 (UTC)
        • Done.
  • "As he and Jariad exchanged insults in a standoff, they saw dozens of uvak suddenly take to the skies." This is the first time "uvak" is mentioned in the article; its previous mention is in a pipelink to "creature." Can you give context here, or else go back and provide the creature's name on its first mention? Menkooroo (talk) 02:08, August 22, 2012 (UTC)
Savaged…
  • "found to be completely fried..." This strikes me as slang. Maybe a synonym for "fried"?
    • Fixed.
  • We get the idea that the Keshiri are indigenous to the planet, but we never really learn that they're a unique species, not Human or Pureblood, but something else. Maybe make this explicit somewhere?
    • Mentioned.
  • "so-called Lost Tribe of Sith" -- Did Korsin and his group call them that, or is that the name they were granted by folks millennia later when they were rediscovered? It might be worth indicating when the moniker was first used and who gave it to them, if known.
    • Well, there's no one point where it can be explicitly decided that this is when they started using the name.
  • As a unique piece of artwork, can the statue of Korsin get an article (or at least a link for one)?
    • Linked and created.
  • Should the dissenter he publicly killed get an article? ~SavageBOB sig 12:38, September 3, 2012 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 17:03, September 8, 2012 (UTC)