Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Vocis Kenit

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Vocis Kenit

  • Nominated by: 501st dogma(talk) 19:35, January 6, 2013 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: By 0 ABY, the stupidest way to die was the annoy and anger Palpatine repeatidly.

(4 Inqs/2 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:01, January 15, 2013 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 01:05, March 16, 2013 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 08:11, April 11, 2013 (UTC)
  4. Good stuff. ~SavageBOB sig 11:18, April 11, 2013 (UTC)
  5. Makes me want to play the roleplaying game Supreme Emperor (talk) 04:57, April 16, 2013 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote JangFett (Talk) 17:52, April 18, 2013 (UTC)

Object

  1. I've been expecting this pearl from my watchlist
    • From glancing at the Bts, could you specify what is a gamemaster (small context should do it)? Also in the Bts, "Kenit plans to double cross Kenit and capture the ship", could you correct this? More to come ;) Winterz (talk) 22:56, January 6, 2013 (UTC)
      • There you go. 501st dogma(talk) 00:00, January 7, 2013 (UTC)
Floyd
  • Infobox not fully sourced.
    • Fixed.
  • "along with the other loyal Imperials. Kenit was later recovered by the Imperials," From the way its worded it sounds like both these groups are the same, which is not the case. Fix this.
    • There you go.
  • You should probably mention Pestage's close position to the Emperor, beyond just calling him Grand Vizier, to give more context on why Palpatine would appoint him if he was taking the case so seriously.
    • There.
  • You should probably mention that the Far Orbit is working with the Alliance when you mention the capture of Veshiv, to give a little context on why they would do that.
    • Is that better?
  • "Authorized to use extreme measures to capture the Far Orbit, Kenit came up with a plan to discredit the ship and poison the public's opinion for when it announced what he knew it was–a privateering vessel for the Alliance." This sentence is very awkwardly worded. Try to fix the flow.
    • Flow fixed.
  • SPF 14897 should be italicized, right?
    • It is not so in the source,
  • Article for gemologist?
    • Added.
  • Kenit appears to have light skin, shouldn't that info be added to the infobox and the P&T?
    • There.
  • "It was Kenit's cunning and technical excellence, and while as his undying devotion to the New Order, that allowed his rise" "And while" doesn't make sense here.
    • Fixed.
  • IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 03:45, January 10, 2013 (UTC)
    • Thanks for looking at it. 501st dogma(talk) 21:34, January 14, 2013 (UTC)
Vocis on the task at hand
  • It should be noted that Vocis Kenit is mentioned in a few entries of the CSWE, just "Hammer (I)" and "Marcino, Shel" in Volume II that I could find on an OCR search, and yet he does not have an entry of his own.
    • Got it. I asked for an entry for Kenit previously, but there was none. I assumed he wasn't mentioned elsewhere, but I was wrong.
  • Anything mentioned or linked in the intro should be revisited in the body, and Galactic Civil War is not mentioned. (Alliance to Restore the Republic was mentioned but not linked so I linked it.)
    • Added.
      • I rejiggered it a bit to adjust the flow, and give it a bit more personal punch for the Imperial "protagonist" of this article. See how that works for you. -- Darth Culator (Talk) 20:26, February 16, 2013 (UTC)
        • That looks good.
  • Not an objection, but note for future reference that one instance of "captain" in the intro was capitalized improperly, per the MoS. Capitalize ranks when they refer back to a person but not when they refer to the rank itself.
    • Sorry about that. Menk's objected a couple of times about that, I guess I haven't gotten used to uncapatilizing.
  • This is also not an objection, since I believe I fixed it, but take a bit more care with spelling - I found two distinct misspellings of the subject of the article himself. -- Darth Culator (Talk) 18:43, February 12, 2013 (UTC)
    • Sorry again. Thanks for looking it over. 501st dogma(talk) 21:42, February 14, 2013 (UTC)
      • Spelling, again: In the process of fixing my objections, you added "enteries." I suggest editing with Firefox or Chrome, and adding all the Star Wars words to the custom dictionary. -- Darth Culator (Talk) 20:26, February 16, 2013 (UTC)
        • Sorry about that. Usually I through it into Microsoft Word for spellcheck before nomming, but for objections I don't. It would probally be good if I started doing that for objections as well.... 501st dogma(talk) 16:18, February 17, 2013 (UTC)
  • Having reviewed the source material, I'm going to have to ask you to change the line saying he "was a martinet and a bully" since that kind of verbatim copying is frowned upon. There are other ways of saying he was a tyrant who was pedantic about regulations. Just don't say he was "like a Wookieepedia administrator." -- Darth Culator (Talk) 00:50, March 17, 2013 (UTC)
    • How's that? 501st dogma(talk) 16:19, March 24, 2013 (UTC)
Cadeth
  • "At the time of the Galactic Civil War" - this makes it seem like you don't know when the events of the roleplaying game occurred. I think you can find a better way to work in the Galactic Civil War context.
    • Is that any better?
  • "... and had a brother." This is rather awkward. Can you rework it?
    • We don't know much about the brother, so I just put him at the beginning of the bio, instead of mentioning him later on. Do you want me to remove it, and just mentione him later one, or do you have a suggestion how we could deawkwardify it?
      • See how it looks now. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 21:19, March 14, 2013 (UTC)
        • That's good.
  • "brought under scrutiny the careers of several higher-ranking officers" - this is bad grammar; you need to move the under scrutiny to after the careers.
    • Fixed.
  • "Once again... Yet again...." - change one of these.
    • There you go.
  • "Kenit had the Far Orbit's TIE series starfighter complement attack the pirates in the asteroid field, after ignoring Vedij's suggestion to call for reinforcements as Kenit desired the glory of victory for himself." This sentence should really be reversed; you should say that he ignored the suggestion and then sent out the TIE fighters.
    • Done.
  • I'll continue tomorrow. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 03:06, March 14, 2013 (UTC)
    • Thanks for looking it over. 501st dogma(talk) 13:56, March 14, 2013 (UTC)
  • I reworked a couple of sentences in the next section to make them smoother.
    • Thanks for doing so.
  • You should probably better explain how he died, as I'm not sure exactly what happened.
    • There you go.
      • Hmm... I'd explain where Palpatine was at the time, as it seems rather notable that Palpatine reached across the galaxy to choke Kenit (if that's correct).
        • Better?
  • Was there a reason you chose the specific path? If there was, you should probably state why. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 21:19, March 14, 2013 (UTC)
    • Is that okay? It sounds kinda bad.... 501st dogma(talk) 21:59, March 14, 2013 (UTC)
      • Yeah, I think it needs some cleanup. Why did you choose this path? (you probably shouldn't use the word best) Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 22:11, March 14, 2013 (UTC)
        • That should do it. 501st dogma(talk) 23:54, March 15, 2013 (UTC)
Cav
  • Intro - mention that Kenit was released by the Far Orbit prior to mentioning being imprisoned by the Empire.
    • There you go.
  • Expansion on how Alderaan was destroyed.
    • Added
  • There's an image of Kenit on p. 108 that shows him with a receding hairline rather than being bald, and the image of him talking to Pestage in the article clearly shows him with hair at the back of his head. - Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 21:01, April 3, 2013 (UTC)
    • Done. 501st dogma(talk) 00:04, April 4, 2013 (UTC)
Savaged…
  • We hear he was "assigned to" twice in the first bio paragraph. Can one of these be changed to "stationed aboard" to avoid repetition?
    • There you go.
  • "With command of the Far Orbit, three pirate lords and many smaller pirating organizations fell to Kenit's cunning and his ability to anticipate movements." This sentence is a bit unclear, since it sounds like the pirates have command of the Far Orbit. And even if tweaked to include Kenit in there, it's unclear why the command helped him stop pirates. Is it because the ship had greater firepower or something?
    • How's that?
  • Can you recast the passive voice in discussion of the Silent Voice into the active voice? This is Kenit's story, after all, not the pirates'.
    • Now?
  • The bit about him getting sentenced to death and then being tasked with tracking down the Far Orbit is confusing. Why was the sentence suspended so quickly?
    • Is that better?
  • The fact that he waited for 10 minutes one time seems non-notable for a biography of his whole life.
    • Done.
  • I think "Hunt for the Far Orbit" should include everything from the moment Pestage gives him the mission; it seems a bit odd to talk about him searching for Far Orbit and then to get that section head. ~SavageBOB sig 11:55, April 10, 2013 (UTC)
    • There, Thanks for looking it over. 501st dogma(talk) 20:14, April 10, 2013 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 17:52, April 18, 2013 (UTC)