Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Venan civil war

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Venan civil war

• Nominated by: Stake black ^msg 03:45, February 19, 2013 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: My first FA nom. I had to sweat to make it to the 1,000 word mark, but I'm proud of this.

(4 Inqs/3 Users/7 Total)

Support

1. I can't find anything else, but, I'm not very good at FAN reviewing, so that doesn't say much. Good work. 501st dogma^(talk) 21:13, March 4, 2013 (UTC)
2. Good work. I look forward to further nominations from you. Cade Calrayn 21:09, March 15, 2013 (UTC)
3. Sir Cavalier of One^{(Squadron channel)} 08:40, April 11, 2013 (UTC)
4. Nicely done. ~Savage 16:00, April 21, 2013 (UTC)
5. Ayrehead02 (talk) 16:39, May 14, 2013 (UTC)
6. CC7567 ^(talk) 18:29, May 14, 2013 (UTC)
7. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 23:32, May 15, 2013 (UTC)

Object

Cadeth

• Don't really have time to do a full review at the moment, but first thing: it's a conjectural title, so you can't bold the title in the intro. You need to say something like "A civil war was fought on the planet Vena..." Cade Calrayn 03:48, February 19, 2013 (UTC)
  • Thanks! Took care of it. Stake black ^msg 03:56, February 19, 2013 (UTC)
• I reworked the intro sentence about Baron Kindoro, as succession isn't really the right word if you don't mention his predecessor. Here, ascension is a better word to use.
• The intro paragraphs were rather short, so I recombined them into two.
• "led the anti-insurgency efforts" - I'd try something like "led the efforts to crush the insurgency"
  • If you say so.
• If something is linked in the body or intro, it's not necessary to link in the quotes.
  • All right.
• Your first paragraph is almost all one big run-on sentence. Split this up.
  • Okay.
• I don't believe the word circa is used in prose; I might be wrong, but I think you should replace it with "Around".
  • Done.
• It might be best to switch the placement of the two map images, as the first one shows the Lantillian route far more prominently.
  • They are placed in a chronological order. The Lantillian is established in the aftermath.
    • Well, my point was that the Lantillian is more prominent and visible in the second image, which fits with the discussion in the aftermath. I'll strike, but I think it'd look better. Cade Calrayn 18:47, March 15, 2013 (UTC)
      • You know, before you mentioned I actually hadn't realised that was the LRoute. I wanted to keep this way because the top image shows the distance between Vena and the Hapes Cluster. Stake black ^msg 18:56, March 15, 2013 (UTC)
• It's a simple change here, but see how I altered the headings; The Prelude and Aftermath are typically Level 2 Headings, and the "History" section for battles/missions/wars are titled "The battle/mission/war" per the Layout Guide.
• The sentence at the beginning of the "Baroness Omnino" section could use some splitting up.
  • Done.
• You refer to Omnino as "she" a little too often in the second paragraph of that section; try to vary it up by using her name.
  • Varied.
• The sentence about savrips is also pretty complicated; it could benefit from a split.
  • Split.
• At the end of that same section, you should probably make it clearer that the civil war ended with the Baroness's death. The Aftermath should be more about those events that occurred after the end of the civil war.
  • We don't know that. Before the Rise is open-ended, and the comics never mention the civil war directly. The whole war thing was thought up by JD Wilker. The aftermath section is basically a bit of putting the puzzle pieces together.
• The sentence about the Lantillian route could also be split, but you could also rework the order to make it flow better.
  • Done.
• As far as I'm aware, you don't have to cite the Dark Horse site for the release dates, as the sources are self-referencing for their release dates.
  • If you don't mind, I'd like to keep them. It may be nonstandard, but it doesn't hurt, and only improves the verifiability.
• I'm confused: are the events of the comic considered part of the civil war? Because it seems like they are, but the Appearances section only includes the first issue.
  • Well, the web article Before the Rise states that "Eventually, Baroness Omnino put together all of the elements she needed to stop the isolationist movement and maintain her lifestyle as she pleased. The Baroness had invested heavily in illegal brain-wave projection technology -- mind-control. And although it could not simply force the isolationists to turn themselves in, it could allow the Baroness, and one or two trusted individuals, to manipulate events outside the Vena system to her advantage." So, he's basically considering the events in the comic as part of a side strategy by Omnino for the war. The comics themselves never mention any war, they just indirectly refer to it when Sei Taria talks to Valorum.
• Good work. Cade Calrayn 22:05, March 14, 2013 (UTC)
  • Thanks! I'll be reviewing your article in a bit. Stake black ^msg 18:30, March 15, 2013 (UTC)

Jangeth

• Please reload your infobox. More to come JangFett ^(Talk) 05:36, February 22, 2013 (UTC)
  • Done. Stake black ^msg 11:22, February 22, 2013 (UTC)

501st

• Intro: "The civil war raged on for at least twenty years. " Is it that the civil was waged for around twenty years in total, or it waged for twenty years more after the death of the Baroness? Please carify.
  • Total. Changed.
• Intro: the planet Vena is not mentioned at all in the intro.
  • Before the Rise never explicitly says the war was fought in the planet Vena, so I assume it was fought in the Vena system.
• Prelude: Please give context on Vena, and maybe mention it in the first sentence of the prelude instead of the second.
  • The planet Vena is not as important as its system, but I gave it some more context.
    • I assume the Venans are from Vena, so this should be stated outright.
• Prelude: "Having Kindoro and Omnino previously both been ambassadors to Core Worlds Coruscant and Alderaan, respectively, the contact with outsiders exposed the Barons to certain amenities that were inaccessible from their home system." The wording's abit weird here, so please change it up. Mentioning that the two places were planets would be good too.
  • Done. How is that?
    • I changed it a bit more.
• You've linked to Vena twice in the bio; once is enough.
  • Done.
• " the Republic "for many generations" to come." I'm not sure you can quote within the actual text of the bio, so please remove it.
  • Removed.
• offworld: "Omnino, threatening the Chancellor's life, made Valorum efficaciously lobby for the adhesion of the Nojic sector planet into the..." Is she doing this openly, or secretly?
  • At first secretly, then she tells the plan to Qui-Gon.
• Offworld: You need to tell us where this Taxer guy operates, and link to Ord Mantell.
  • Done.
    • Context on Ord Mantell.
• Offworld: "Venan monarchy itself was not overthrown immediately after her passing.." I wouldn't say that it wasn't overthrown, it might not have been completely overthrown.
  • Done.
• Take care not to overlink: You only need to link once in the bio, the intro, and the infobox.
  • Yeah, you know, writing here and there and no copy-editing results in this.
    • You've linked to Finis and Sei in the BtS, when you already have them linked. There position as well don't need to be linked there.
• I'm not really sure how her offworld stratigies have much to do with the civil war. Perhaps you could tie them together more?
  • I think I glued them better, have a look.
• Good work on your first FAN. 501st dogma^(talk) 22:10, February 24, 2013 (UTC)
  • Thanks! And thanks for the thorough review. Stake black ^msg 22:48, February 24, 2013 (UTC)
• I'll continue with my review soon, after you complete these objections. 501st dogma^(talk) 00:24, February 25, 2013 (UTC)
  • Have a look. Stake black ^msg 00:46, February 25, 2013 (UTC)
    • I'll be back! 501st dogma^(talk) 01:08, February 25, 2013 (UTC)
• Intro: I would mention the Baroness's side scemes that led to her death.
  • See how you like it.
• Intro: Maybe add that Coruscant and Ord Matell are planets.
  • Done.
• Prelude: "even though they shared a good relationship and the Venans would occasionally trade with the nearby Hapes Cluster for items they could not produce on their own." Is the relations they have here with the Hapans or the Republic? Please clarify.
  • Clarified.
• Link to brain wave projection technology. Is there an article for that? If not, create one.
  • Linked.
• "...commencing membership negotiations for the planet Vena." Membership of what? I know you mention it later, but you might as well do it up front.
  • Done.
• "She had made use of her investment in brainwave projections when she gave a mind control device to land baron Taxer Sundown, so he could provide a continual supply of Mantellian Savrip meat from the Mid Rim planet Ord Mantell to Vena—considered a delicacy by the Venan royal family—and so he could kill the existing land barons, usurp their operations and seize power on Ord Mantell for Omnino." This sentence is a tad long. Split it up please.
  • Split.
    • Where was she attempting to breed Savrips? A little context would be good. Is the landowner doing this?
• You mention Ordnance/Regional Depot, but don't connect it with Ord Mantell. You should include this in the context of the planet.
  • Done.
• "...kill the Chancellor, who was on board and hypnotized." On board what?
  • Done.
• You are incosistent with your capitalization of "Isolationists." Please stick to one way. 501st dogma^(talk) 22:05, February 27, 2013 (UTC)
  • Stuck. Stake black ^msg 00:01, February 28, 2013 (UTC)
• I'll look over it once more later today. 501st dogma^(talk) 18:34, March 2, 2013 (UTC)
• You don't need to link to Jinn in the second quote for the bio as you've already linked him in the body of the text. I know this is probally a SOFIXIT, but I think you should do it. Also, you don't need to link to Jinn or the beheading technique in the image explanation.
• "...she threatened to kill the Chancellor, who was on board her transport." Was he there willingly, or non-willingly? 501st dogma^(talk) 14:50, March 3, 2013 (UTC)
  • Both done. Stake black ^msg 15:07, March 3, 2013 (UTC)
    • I'll support after you fix the one objection above that still remains. 501st dogma^(talk) 15:30, March 3, 2013 (UTC)
      • Oops, had overlooked it. I specified that it was in her homeworld. Stake black ^msg 14:00, March 4, 2013 (UTC)

Cav

• Intro - how did Kindoro die? I think its important to state if he died naturally or as a cause of the war.
  • Done.
• Since the Baron and his family controlled shipping - in what way? The shipping companies themselves or control of import and export to the planet, etc?
  • This is all the source says: "The Venans were not overjoyed with their nobility for breaking with tradition to suit their own purposes, but there was little they could do. The Baron and his family controlled shipping."
• Was the other bodyguard to die Venan? Some clarification is needed.
  • It is unknown.
• How was Omnino secretly threatening the chancellor?
  • It isn't clarified.
• Is Omnino's deal with Sundown started before or after the assassination attempt? If its before, shouldn't it be first chronologically?
  • Before, I only put it last because I tied it up with Jinn's investigation and beheading. Chopping this would be probably a bit strange.
• The supreme chancellor being on the Benevolent III should probably be established before its reveal. Also, how did he get there in the first place? - Sir Cavalier of One^{(Squadron channel)} 18:52, April 3, 2013 (UTC)
  • He really comes out of nowhere, no explanation is given. I tried to antecipate a little this info. Stake black ^msg 19:25, April 3, 2013 (UTC)

Attack of the Clone

• I understand the significance of the current infobox image in relation to the civil war, but I don't think it's proper to use it. For battle articles, the infobox image should be an image of the actual event, or an image of a very closely related event. I don't think the relevance is close enough in this case. You can still use the image elsewhere in the article if you wish, but I would ask that it be removed from the infobox.
  • No worries.
• As another preliminary, please take note of Forum:CT:Punctuation in image captions and adjust the image captions accordingly.
  • The CT didn't do much to clarify for me what is to be understood as a sentence or not, but I gave it a shot.
    • Your changes are correct, don't worry. :) CC7567 ^(talk) 18:18, May 3, 2013 (UTC)
• In ref note 9, please provide a little more information regarding the date of the Battle of Naboo, as that should not be considered common knowledge. Mentioning 32 BBY directly would help, as well as a source to affirm it (perhaps The New Essential Chronology).
  • Sure thing.
• I'll continue with the body of the article once these are addressed. CC7567 ^(talk) 20:17, April 30, 2013 (UTC)
  • All right, thanks for the review. Stake black ^msg 22:07, April 30, 2013 (UTC)

Floyd

• In the body, you should mention the marriage between the Baron and Baroness earlier. That facet is not introduced until well after they are.
  • Done.
• I don't like the positioning of the image of the false flag assassination attempt, it's almost kind of a spoiler, put in the section before. I'd prefer you move it to the next section, and perhaps move the picture of Omnino's actual death a little later, as the picture of the Vena system itself isn't really necessary.
  • Um, I disagree that the Vena system image isn't necessary. It depicts clearly the new trade route that was established as an aftermath of the conflict.
    • The way the images look now is better. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 23:32, May 15, 2013 (UTC)
• Context on Abominelle. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 00:47, May 14, 2013 (UTC)
  • Not sure what else I could add, since I already specified she was a Royal Margravine, but okay. Stake black ^msg 03:09, May 14, 2013 (UTC)

Attack II

• The "Baroness Omnino's Republic campaign" section is a little too image-heavy; ideally, an image should be used only once every paragraph (or few paragraphs). Please either spread out the images or choose one to remove.
  • Chopped.
• From the Appearances section, it sounds like only the first issue of Last Stand on Ord Mantell referred to the civil war indirectly. If so, that would be helpful to mention in the first paragraph of the Bts.
  • How's that?
• There's also a slight discrepancy as to the attribution of the lead quote dialogue. The lead quote is itself attributed to the first issue, but the Bts references the same "conversation" to the third issue. (Also, is this reference correct? Or should it be to the first issue as well?) Please check.
  • Nope, thanks for spotting.
• "The web-exclusive article Before the Rise, published on": this sentence is a bit long-winded. Please find somewhere to break up the information. CC7567 ^(talk) 15:58, May 14, 2013 (UTC)
  • Broke it. Stake black ^msg 18:25, May 14, 2013 (UTC)

Comments

• The article for Omnino says that she appears in The Official Star Wars Fact File 10 KEN3-4, Obi-Wan Kenobi, The Official Star Wars Fact File 131 ORD1-2, Last Stand on Ord Mantell and Jedi vs. Sith: The Essential Guide to the Force. Does anyone have those sources to see if any mentioning of this civil war is present? It's a probable no, since it was first thought-out in Before the Rise, but I'd like to check anyway. Stake black ^msg 03:01, February 21, 2013 (UTC)
  • I may not be able to but I'll try to check the fact files if I can in the next few days. Commander Code-8 ^{G'day, mate} 06:42, February 21, 2013 (UTC)
    • Okay, it's definitely in Obi-Wan's entry, but I only had time to skim through the Ord Mantell one and didn't find anything about it. Commander Code-8 ^{G'day, mate} 05:45, February 24, 2013 (UTC)
      • Thanks, take your time, Code. Stake black ^msg 12:48, February 24, 2013 (UTC)
      • I have looked at the Official Fact Files. Nothing in them. Anything in Jedi vs. Sith? Stake black ^msg 22:53, February 24, 2013 (UTC)
• Question: this image from The Essential Atlas shows a white line crossing Vena. Is this supposed to mean a trade route? And what is the dating for this map? Stake black ^msg 18:07, February 27, 2013 (UTC)
  • Apparently, it's the Lesser Lantillian Route. Still, does anyone know what time period this map is supposed to portray? Stake black ^msg 01:57, February 28, 2013 (UTC)
    • Nevermind, I think I worked out the timeline issues, more or less. Stake black ^msg 13:18, March 14, 2013 (UTC)
• Apologies, I don't think I'll be able to continue reviewing immediately because I just started my semester exam period. I'll continue once I have more time. CC7567 ^(talk) 18:18, May 3, 2013 (UTC)
• Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 23:32, May 15, 2013 (UTC)