Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Ulabore

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Ulabore

• Nominated by: IFYLOFD ^{(You will pay the price for your lack of vision!)} 04:28, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: 1180 words. Part of FloydProject: Path of Destruction.

(5 Inqs/1 Users/6 Total/INQCON 5)

Support

1. SoresuMakashi^{(Everything I tell you is the truth)} 05:03, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
2. Cavalier One^{(Squadron channel)} 10:21, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
3. — Fiolli ^{{Alpheridies University ComNet}} 02:27, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
4. Chack Jadson ^(Talk) 18:13, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
5. Grand Moff Tranner ^(Comlink) 13:13, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
6. CC7567 ^(talk) 23:11, 21 August 2009 (UTC)

Object

1. Soresu
   • You should mention gender somewhere other than the infobox.
     • Addressed.
   • Ulabore, despite being highly decorated by the Brotherhood of Darkness as the official leader of the Gloom Walkers, greatly lacked leadership skills, something which gained him disdain among the members of the Gloom Walkers. Ulabore, despite the factDespite is repetitive.
     • Addressed.
   • separated from the main lines, stranded deep behind enemy lines. Lines is repetitive.
     • Addressed.
   • And that's all that I see. Good job. SoresuMakashi^{(Everything I tell you is the truth)} 07:53, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
     • Thanks for the review. IFYLOFD ^{(You will pay the price for your lack of vision!)} 03:01, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
2. Pasta!
   • "Over the next year, the Gloom Walkers fought in scores of battles on half-a-dozen worlds with an extremely high success rate, mostly due to the efforts of Dessel." (1) Scores on half-a-dozen does not equate. A score is twenty. Please make sure that these figures are correct. Right now it reads something along the lines of 40, 60, or 80 battles on 6 planets. (2) "Half-a-dozen" is… yeah… just remove it.
     • Addressed.
   • Starting with "In 1,002 BBY the Gloom Walkers would fight in the Battle of Phaseera…"—which, by the way, needs a comma after the date—the tense needs to be checked. I fixed what I found in the article up to this point, but there are a lot of present/future conditional tenses used. Please fix this.
     • Addressed.
   • There are also a lot of run-on sentences in this same area; and, really in the rest of the article, at times. Too many commas are a good indication. One such sentence is "The Gloom Walkers, now under Dessel's control, went on to accomplish their objective and eliminate the outpost, mostly due to a tremendous effort by Dessel who killed a large number of Republic soldiers even after being blinded by a flash canister." It is grammatically correct, but it could be written better.
     • Addressed.
   • Double check your comma usage as you copyedit it, especially for compound sentences. — Fiolli ^{{Alpheridies University ComNet}} 02:13, 7 August 2009 (UTC)
     • Thanks for the review. IFYLOFD ^{(You will pay the price for your lack of vision!)} 02:25, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 23:11, 21 August 2009 (UTC)