- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Triumphant
- Nominated by: Kilson 02:58, March 28, 2011 (UTC)
- Nomination comments:My fourth Venator.
(4 Inqs/2 Users/6 Total)
Support
71.139.178.211 01:50, April 9, 2011 (UTC)
One.—Tommy 9281 Sunday, May 22, 2011, 20:06 UTC- CC7567 (talk) 05:35, May 30, 2011 (UTC)
- Grand Moff Tranner
(Comlink) 18:12, June 2, 2011 (UTC) - –Tm_T (Talk) 11:19, June 4, 2011 (UTC)
- JangFett (Talk) 03:50, June 6, 2011 (UTC)
- Menkooroo 04:19, June 9, 2011 (UTC)
Object
Two
"Serving as Jedi General Plo Koon's flagship during the mission, the Republic fleet..." This reads like the Republic Fleet was Plo Koon's flagship.Kinda emdash-crazy. See about removing many of those please. That's all.—Tommy 9281 Saturday, May 21, 2011, 15:02 UTC- I believe I fixed the intro. Also, I removed three of the emdashes but had to insert one into the Intro. Should I remove anymore? And thanks for the review Tommy. Kilson(Let's have a chat) 19:59, May 22, 2011 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
I'd recommend saying at the very beginning of the intro that the Triumphant was Koon's flagship. It's one of its defining characteristics, so its placement should match its importance.- Added
"Under the command of the Separatist cyborg General Grievous, the Malevolence had ambushed Republic vessels across the galaxy, and vanished before the Republic could discover what exactly had attacked their ships." Yes, this was one of the reasons why the Republic didn't initially know what the Separatists' weapon was, but I would also suggest mentioning that the Malevolence never left any survivors to tell the Republic about its origins—that's as (if not more) important as the detail that you mention.- Added
I don't usually give this out as an objection, per say, but I would recommend trying to vary up word choice throughout the article a little. Some places get rather repetitive, and I think the article would benefit from it. It doesn't have to be too extensive, but just enough so that the reader doesn't have a serious sense of déjà vu.- I tried varying the word choice. Tell me if you want me to change the words around more.
- I'd recommend being a little more careful with linking next time; some of it was a little sporadic. I'll run through the article one more time with you after these are fixed to make sure everything is good. CC7567 (talk) 05:30, May 26, 2011 (UTC)
- OK, I fixed a few double links. Thanks for the review CC. Kilson(Let's have a chat) 01:50, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
"In 21 BBY,[3] Jedi General Ares Nune's fleet was annihilated while patrolling the Phu system by the Confederacy's recently built secret weapon,[5] the Subjugator-class heavy cruiser Malevolence.[7] Under the command of the Confederate General Grievous, the Malevolence had ambushed Republic vessels across the galaxy, killing everyone on board and vanishing before the Republic could discover what exactly had attacked their ships.[2]" This section seems to be ordered a little awkwardly. You introduce the battle at Phu first and the Malevolence's attacks on Republic fleets second, but the latter context seems to come to late—by the time the battle at Phu occurs, the Malevolence has already begun its attacks, yet the way this section is ordered implies otherwise. I would suggest introducing the Malevolence's attacks first and use the battle at Phu as an example of one of them, i.e. "In 21 BBY, the Confederacy built the Malevolence [yada yada], which began to attack Republic fleets across the galaxy [yada yada]. Following the annihilation of Jedi General Ares Nune's fleet in the Phu system, the Jedi High Council decided to take action." In addition to being more chronological, this method can also provide a good lead-in to the rest of the History. Please see what you can do.- How does this look?
Could you explain exactly how the episode shows that the Triumphant had a hyperdrive motivator? I can't even tell what one of those things is, so it might be my ignorance, but I'd appreciate it if you could humor me.CC7567 (talk) 00:43, May 29, 2011 (UTC)- This raises an interesting question of exactly how much context we want to give something like this. We know from many sources that a hyperdrive motivator is the component that propels a ship past lightspeed, so if the episode shows the ship traveling interstellar distances, it implicitly shows that the ship has a hyperdrive motivator. We can probably assume that the nature of a hyperdrive motivator is common knowledge in-universe like a car's drivetrain is out-of-universe (though I'm sure a few citizens of the galaxy are like some people I know from New Jersey, where they're not even allowed to pump their own gas, who wouldn't know an engine from a transmission if you dropped both on their feet), but knowing what a hyperdrive motivator is might not be so common out-of-universe. So the question remains, can we source its presence to the episode? -- Darth Culator (Talk) 01:14, May 29, 2011 (UTC)
- The episode actually doesn't show the Triumphant in hyperspace, so then I can't assume it has a hyperdrive whatever. I removed that info from the article. Thanks for the review CC. Kilson(Let's have a chat) 05:12, May 30, 2011 (UTC)
- This raises an interesting question of exactly how much context we want to give something like this. We know from many sources that a hyperdrive motivator is the component that propels a ship past lightspeed, so if the episode shows the ship traveling interstellar distances, it implicitly shows that the ship has a hyperdrive motivator. We can probably assume that the nature of a hyperdrive motivator is common knowledge in-universe like a car's drivetrain is out-of-universe (though I'm sure a few citizens of the galaxy are like some people I know from New Jersey, where they're not even allowed to pump their own gas, who wouldn't know an engine from a transmission if you dropped both on their feet), but knowing what a hyperdrive motivator is might not be so common out-of-universe. So the question remains, can we source its presence to the episode? -- Darth Culator (Talk) 01:14, May 29, 2011 (UTC)
Triumph!
Just two: "Wolffe, Koon, and two clone troopers nicknamed "Sinker" and "Boost" were able to survive the Triumphant's destruction by fleeing in one of the escape pods." kinda makes it seem like they were the only ones to escape, but the article then goes on to say that the battle droids came and killed everyone except for them. Can you explicitly note that there were others who escaped in pods as well?- How does that look.
And a related one: "All of the Triumphant's crew members were killed by the Separatist teams" --- do we know for a fact that all of the crewmembers made it to escape pods? Throwing in a "surviving" somewhere in that sentence might be in order.- Good catch. Fixed.
- All I got! Stellar stuff. Menkooroo 06:44, June 8, 2011 (UTC)
- Thanks for the review Menk. Kilson(Let's have a chat) 03:54, June 9, 2011 (UTC)
Comments
Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 04:19, June 9, 2011 (UTC)