- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Thalleus Tharn
- Nominated by: —Tommy 9281 19:04, January 25, 2011 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: I been spinnin' gold outta straw for now what, three years or so? And it never gets old.
(5 Inqs/1 Users/6 Total)
Support
Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 00:41, January 26, 2011 (UTC)- IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 16:47, January 26, 2011 (UTC)
- Ow! My groin! Menkooroo 08:09, January 29, 2011 (UTC)
- Grand Moff Tranner
(Comlink) 16:53, February 5, 2011 (UTC) - 1358 (Talk) 11:08, February 6, 2011 (UTC)
- Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 22:17, February 21, 2011 (UTC)
Object
Floyd:
Intro: "Doctor Tharn's professional opinion was regarded by Galactic Alliance Chief of State Natasi Daala" Correct me if I'm wrong here, but I don't believe that "regarded" is correct here. Please change.- It actually fits. Per Dictionary.com, "to take into account; consider." If you're still uncomfortable with that, I can change it.—Tommy 9281 11:59, January 26, 2011 (UTC)
In the intro, a tiny bit of context on Saar and Altamik having recovered from their psychosis is needed.- How's that?
- Upon further review, the ruling on the field has been overturned. I looked at it some more and it seems sufficient as it is.
- How's that?
"He excelled in various areas of scientific medicine and practice, and by 44 ABY, had received more accolades than were numerable. Tharn's excellence was recognized, however, in both brain surgery and xenopsychiatry." The word "however" implies that his accomplishments in other areas outside of brain surgery and xenophychiatry were not recognized, but you state that he had received many accolades. This contradicts itself; I think the sentence could use a rewrite to clarify this issue.- Addressed.
I can't recall if any explanation is given why Tharn refuses Solo's handshake; is there any reason given? If so, the information should be added. (Postscript: I see now that the rationale is given in the P&T, but you should still add it to the bio.)- That's all. Good work as always. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:09, January 26, 2011 (UTC)
Title
I'm interested to get your take on something. I'd love to start a discussion about it and see what you think. Basically, I think that the article has too much detail and falls into play-by-play territory quite often. I'm wondering if some of the detail should be eliminated/pared down. I'm not being critical, but rather hoping to get your opinion on the level of detail and play-by-play in general. A few instances that particularly stuck out are:- "Ever dubious of Captain Solo's motives, Chief Daala was hesitant to accept Solo's claim that the Jedi had been cured of their affliction," --- I'm not sure if the first part of the sentence is that relevant to Tharn, and regarding the second part, it's already been established that Daala doesn't believe that the Jedi have been cured --- could this maybe be cut down to something like "A dubious Daala..." before continuing on with "stated that she..."
- Much of that paragraph seems to be a play-by-play recount of every line stated by the characters in the scene, with nearly every sentence beginning with something like "Solo said, Daala stated, Solo countered..." I was guilty of pbp in my first few nominations, and was taught by others to boil conversations down to their key points rather than paraphrase entire conversations. I've been under the impression since that that's always preferable. Do you think there's any way you could cut this paragraph down, getting the key points across without giving an account of every, or nearly every, spoken line? I've always believed that what isn't included is as important as what is.
- As I said, I'd love to get your opinion on pbp/paraphrasing conversations in general. I'm not hardcore on these, and am interested in your thoughts on them. The article is certainly well-written, and these aren't so much objections as they are invitations to a discussion. So, basically... whaddya think? If I'm crazy, feel free to let me know. :D
One more: "He explained to those present that he was sure of the Jedi's sanity the moment they emerged from the Temple; he simply performed the preliminary assessment for no other reason than to appease the Chief of State." Chronologically, shouldn't his sureness be established earlier on --- that is, when he feels it, rather than when he reveals it to the public?Menkooroo 02:31, January 26, 2011 (UTC)- Several things, Menkooroo. First of all, thank you for the review, however, this is not the venue for "discussions," nor opinions on writing styles, etc. Secondly, the article is too small to fall victim to pbp. What you consider to be "too much detail" is actually context, necessary because there is very little specifically about the doctor in the book on which to build. Therefore, his purpose needs to be explained by the events and actions of those surrounding him. I will see about trimming down a few things, but as I said, everything there surves a purpose.
- That's fine, then. I do wonder if there's a little too much context, though --- even if there's very little specifically about the doctor, I feel like the article should still summarize the events and actions of those surrounding him as saliently as possible. I'm not sure if a recap of every line said by every speaker is necessary. Let me know what ya think. Menkooroo 12:57, January 26, 2011 (UTC)
- Trust me, there was a considerable bit left out, and everything that is there is necessary. I'm not one to usually disagree with a reviewer, but you gotta come correct or I won't budge.
- No, it's fine. Like I said, I'm not hardcore on it. I'll hold off supporting for now because I haven't read the p & t yet, but the bio's good.
- Trust me, there was a considerable bit left out, and everything that is there is necessary. I'm not one to usually disagree with a reviewer, but you gotta come correct or I won't budge.
- That's fine, then. I do wonder if there's a little too much context, though --- even if there's very little specifically about the doctor, I feel like the article should still summarize the events and actions of those surrounding him as saliently as possible. I'm not sure if a recap of every line said by every speaker is necessary. Let me know what ya think. Menkooroo 12:57, January 26, 2011 (UTC)
- And to your last point, It's written that way because Tharn reveals his suspicions after he performs his action. Again, thank you for the review. Please let me know if anything further is required.—Tommy 9281 11:59, January 26, 2011 (UTC)
- He reveals them later, but he has them earlier --- as the article is about him, rather than about the standoff, shouldn't his intentions be made clear when he goes to perform his actions, rather than later? As a somewhat-related example, if anyone were to write up Demagol, they would hopefully reveal his intentions behind his masquerading as another person at the start of his masquerade, rather than at the end. Menkooroo 12:57, January 26, 2011 (UTC)
- Several things, Menkooroo. First of all, thank you for the review, however, this is not the venue for "discussions," nor opinions on writing styles, etc. Secondly, the article is too small to fall victim to pbp. What you consider to be "too much detail" is actually context, necessary because there is very little specifically about the doctor in the book on which to build. Therefore, his purpose needs to be explained by the events and actions of those surrounding him. I will see about trimming down a few things, but as I said, everything there surves a purpose.
Cav
Would an article for "xenopsychiatric medicine" be appropriate? We have an article for xenopsychiatry in general, and for the chair, so I think an article for the discipline/course/whatever would be appropriate.- Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 13:14, February 8, 2011 (UTC)
- Hmm, I was under the impression that xenipsychiatric medicine was pretty much the same thing as xenopsychiatry, just a different way of saying it, no?—Tommy 9281 Tuesday, February 8, 2011, 13:17 UTC
- Probably right, although I am confused why Xenopsychiatrist redirects to the field and not have its own page as a profession...most of the science professions seem to do that though, so maybe its a larger issue to address at a later time. - Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 22:17, February 21, 2011 (UTC)
- Probably right, although I am confused why Xenopsychiatrist redirects to the field and not have its own page as a profession...most of the science professions seem to do that though, so maybe its a larger issue to address at a later time. - Cavalier One
- Hmm, I was under the impression that xenipsychiatric medicine was pretty much the same thing as xenopsychiatry, just a different way of saying it, no?—Tommy 9281 Tuesday, February 8, 2011, 13:17 UTC
Comments
- Thanks to the Jons.—Tommy 9281 19:04, January 25, 2011 (UTC)
- The P&T was sub-par, and I rewrote it. To those who have reviewed and supported already, feel free to reread it and leave objections as necessary, thanks.—Tommy 9281 03:23, January 27, 2011 (UTC)
- Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 22:17, February 21, 2011 (UTC)