Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Tay Vanis

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Tay Vanis

(8 Inqs/0 Users/8 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Thefourdotelipsis 06:21, 9 April 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Very interesting character and article. - Lord Hydronium 09:44, 11 April 2008 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Greyman Jan.png (Talk) 20:04, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Jaina Solo(Talk) 22:44, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote -- Darth Culator (Talk) 02:09, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Hooray for GG3 characters! Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:06, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote Extra votes FTW. Add another FA to 4dot's impressive list. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 14:53, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
  8. Inqvote Some minor image flaws, but I suppose I'll let it go per the last Inqerence. --Imperialles 16:05, 18 April 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  • I think you are going to want to use this. --Eyrezer 06:45, 9 April 2008 (UTC)
    • More likely, you will not. However, it could be worth a mention in the BTS. --Eyrezer 06:51, 9 April 2008 (UTC)
  • Can we get an imagecat for Vanis, please.--Eyrezer 06:45, 9 April 2008 (UTC)
  1. Small nitpick, but you may want to explain this: "The Dark Lord of the Sith brutally tortured Vanis, effectively making a vegetable of the man when he was through" for those who might not understand what "vegetable" might mean in this instance.--Goodwood Redstarbird (Alliance Intelligence) 07:37, 9 April 2008 (UTC)
  2. "His actions were considered so damaging to the Galactic Empire that the Imperial Security Bureau dispatched one of their agents, Mar Barezz, to stop him." Please elaborate. Why were his actions considered so damaging to the Empire? Jaina Solo(Talk) 01:09, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
    • I've added a scerrick of context, let me know if it needs more. Thefourdotelipsis 02:11, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
  3. Toprawa:
    • A few things I've cursorily noticed:
    • This is from Who's Who in Echo Base from Insider 74, under 2-1B's entry: "Did you know? Too-Onebee was rescued from the Empire by and served briefly with Lieutenant Tiree, who later flew as Gold Leader's wingman and was killed at the Battle of Yavin." Apparently, they're mixing up Vanis and the actual Tiree. I think it would be good to mention this little oversight in the BTS.
      • I knew his contradiction-free story was too good to be true. I've added a note in the BTS. Thanks. :)
    • Source list should be ordered by OOU publication date - i.e., what I've noticed is that the Hoth Limited card should be before NEC somewhere and the Databank entry should be last. Not sure what else may be incorrect there. Toprawa and Ralltiir 14:52, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
      • I was doing that for most of the stuff, for some reason I put all the "logo" stuff down the bottom, making it look tidier, I guess. However, I see that it's policy to list them in order, so I've done so. Uh, now, at least. Thefourdotelipsis 10:05, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
    • Please reword the beginning clause to avoid passive voice: "The shuttle of six Rebel hopefuls was destroyed, leaving Vanis with little choice but to escape"
      • Fixed.
    • This transition towards identifying him/her as a bounty hunter is pretty rough here. You should either identify Staable earlier as being a bounty hunter, or otherwise reword to avoid dropping the descriptor in as "the bounty hunter," as if we are already aware of this: "He contacted Staable directly, as the bounty hunter was acting as a representative"
      • Fixed.
    • In X-wing? Please fix: "Vanis attempted to lead the Imperials away from his new recruits in X-wing"
      • Painstakingly fixed.
        • Hey, I didn't want to change anything without being sure. :P Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:06, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
    • Why exactly are you presuming this? This seems like extrapolation. I would suggest adding a Ref note explaining why this is presumed, or otherwise remove it: "presumably including Barezz"
      • Comments by Pablo Hidalgo. But since Barezz doesn't really crop up in the rest of the story, I've just eliminated that fact, since it's ambiguous.
    • Can you reword this to more succinctly say just "the Battle of Yavin"? This is unnecessarily wordy: "Vanis was present on Yavin 4 during the pivotal battle that took place in the system"
      • That was to avoid repetition of "Yavin."
    • Please reword this to avoid unnecessary passive voice. Additionally, you'll likely need to change the opening clause to for subject-verb agreement: "he was redirected to the mansion of Turf Boss Mosh Pelkan"
      • I don't know if I've fixed that. I've done something.
    • Please elaborate on what this is for greater context: "who were now in jeopardy due to the rampaging of the so-called "Jundland Banshee."
      • Fixed.
    • Please avoid the "unknown fate" type sentence. I've cleaned this instance up for you.
      • That was to avoid the inevitable "elaborate on this please" objection.
    • I've left a red link for you in place of the "Persistent vegetative state" link to wikipedia. That's just laziness. Since this now appears in the intro, you'll need to remedy this per rule 8.
      • It's not laziness, it's totally acceptable and is used frequently enough. Still, it's no longer a redlink.
        • Didn't mean that derisively at all. At any rate, we should really avoid linking to wiki when we could, and should, be creating an article for our own purposes. Thanks for cleaning this up. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:06, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
    • I'm assuming Vader meant this mockingly. Please explain, otherwise this seems like Vader somehow admired him: "as Vader had referred to him, "The Great Tay Vanis."
      • It's ambiguous.
    • Please kill the OOU cliche: "putting him out of his misery"
      • Gone.
    • Should specify who these figures are: "and would earn him the enmity of several influential figures."
      • Darth Vader, Barezz, Tower, Bandor...it's all in the article.
        • The mention of Vader in the very next sentence serves exactly what I was looking for. My bad for overlooking that. 'Tis good. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:06, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
    • I seriously doubt this Latin phrase is used canonically. Please switch to English: "Both of his droids would come to understand his modus operandi" Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:41, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
      • It doesn't have to be used canonically to be used in an article, and there are precedents. Still, it's "fixed." Thefourdotelipsis 02:40, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
        • A precedent doesn't necessarily make something "right." But, thank you for changing. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:06, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
  4. From the desk of Atarumaster88
    • "had been brutalized by some sort of weapon in the power of Moff Bandor." This doesn't make the most sense to me. A minor tweak to clarify would be nice.
      • I've cut out the "some sort of Viper weapon" thing to make for easier reading. I think.
    • " He was later rescued by a team of Rebels, but would once again leave in 3 ABY." Leave what?
      • Well, I said "Absent without leave" earlier in the sentence, but I suppose "missing" makes more sense. So that's what I've put there.
    • I believe we tend to link captions on 1st mention. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 20:52, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
      • Sorry, I don't follow...captions?
        • The first two image captions. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 20:08, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
          • Well, if we're going to link, we're going to link. It's all linked now. Thefourdotelipsis 06:21, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
    • Context on Home please. I didn't know if you'd mispelled Home One at first or not.
      • Fixed
    • " During the debriefing, Reekeene suspected that one of the recruits may have been a planted Imperial agent, and that her operation may be compromised, but Lieutenant Am Serro pointed out that the Imperials likely had more important information to divulge than the location of a recruitment rendezvous, if they truly could" I'm not familiar with the source material-I admit that, but that whole paratgraph and particularly this sentence makes little sense. At the risk of sounding slightly hypocritical given objections on Rakehell Squadron, more context please.
      • Tidied.
    • Ditto with the next paragraph.
      • I'm not seeing the problem there. Could you be a tad more specific?
    • Explain Game Chambers just a hair please.
      • Explained.
    • " Left unconscious and starving in the generator chamber, he was eventually rescued by a band of Rebels, who were able to deactivate it and defeat Bandor" Context on rescue please.
      • Difficult, it's a game and can be done in a variety of ways. The vagueness is needed to remain...well...neutral.
    • Context needed on Gamandar.
      • What about Gamandar? I'm not sure what you mean.
    • "totally subjugated, with the inhabitants imprisoned, the nature cut away" I think I get what you're trying to say, but the "nature cut away" doesn't read clearly.
      • I think "native foliage" works. If it doesn't, I suppose I'll have to try something else...obviously.
    • 1st paragraph of Bothan connection is rather disjointed. Clarify please.
      • I've added some context, but if you think the Tower sentence should go, it can. Thefourdotelipsis 08:18, 16 April 2008 (UTC)
    • Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 20:52, 15 April 2008 (UTC)

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