- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
T'Charek Haathi
- Nominated by: Cavalier One
(Squadron channel) 11:39, April 27, 2012 (UTC) - Nomination comments: Blue skinned ship jacker and all round impulsive Special Ops leader.
(3 Inqs/4 Users/7 Total)
Support
- Plagueis327 19:47, April 27, 2012 (UTC)
IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 23:43, May 24, 2012 (UTC)- Episode III ruined blue people in Star Wars. ~Savage
15:32, May 28, 2012 (UTC) 
--Eyrezer 09:51, June 18, 2012 (UTC)- Nice JangFett (Talk) 18:41, July 7, 2012 (UTC)
- CC7567 (talk) 05:12, July 11, 2012 (UTC)
- You really don't want to know what was said during the IRC discussion about this article while I was reading it. You might want to watch out for Menk, though... he has some disturbing fantasies. Cade Calrayn 04:49, July 30, 2012 (UTC)
Object
Savaged…
It's jarring in my opinion to have material written as in-universe appear in BTS (the "cut content"). Should the cut content be moved to the main body of the article, along with the disclaimer templates? Otherwise, could the section be rewritten as out-of-universe? If the latter course is followed, the templates will no longer be necessary, since I'm guessing it would be phrased to make it obvious the material was cut. ~Savage 00:53, May 26, 2012 (UTC)- Going by the precedents established in other FAs with such cut content (see the various Grand Admiral articles), then how its laid out is currently correct. The material was never officially released, so it has no place in the body, and per the Grand Admiral articles referenced above, the cut content is written in IU prose.
- I'll strike due to the precedent, but I think a SH/CT should be done on this sort of thing to clarify how to treat this type of material. ~Savage 16:29, May 26, 2012 (UTC)
- I'll strike due to the precedent, but I think a SH/CT should be done on this sort of thing to clarify how to treat this type of material. ~Savage
- Going by the precedents established in other FAs with such cut content (see the various Grand Admiral articles), then how its laid out is currently correct. The material was never officially released, so it has no place in the body, and per the Grand Admiral articles referenced above, the cut content is written in IU prose.
Gah, my browser purged the rest of my review! I'll try to remember it. First off, I think the biography strays too far into play-by-play, especially where dialogue is reported and where Haathi's own actions are not being described. Can this be trimmed down a bit?- I've removed a little, but if I could get some specifics here it would be appreciated. The non-Haathi stuff, for example, is already at what I would consider "the bare bones" storywise to explain the situation (there is a lot more in the original stories). I've identified some that could be redone, but a lot of it is used to keep track of where other characters are in relation to Haathi.
I don't think it's essential to know where everyone is in relation to her, though. At any rate, I'll give some specifics in a bit. Stay tuned! :) ~Savage 16:29, May 26, 2012 (UTC)OK, back. I only think it's an issue in the sections "Zelos II" and "Gelgelar." I've done a sweep through "Zelos II" to give you an idea of what I found unnecessary for Haathi's article. Feel free to reinstate whatever you think is necessary or rework the prose to de-Bobify it, but hopefully that'll give you an idea of what I have in mind. ~Savage 16:54, May 26, 2012 (UTC)- Redone. I kept a lot of your Zelos revision, but retained the explanation of defeating the security systems since I feel it is important. The devices have been established as being present, establishing how they were defeated is equally important I feel. Also done some work on the Gelgelar section. - Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 19:31, May 26, 2012 (UTC)
- Redone. I kept a lot of your Zelos revision, but retained the explanation of defeating the security systems since I feel it is important. The devices have been established as being present, establishing how they were defeated is equally important I feel. Also done some work on the Gelgelar section. - Cavalier One
- I've removed a little, but if I could get some specifics here it would be appreciated. The non-Haathi stuff, for example, is already at what I would consider "the bare bones" storywise to explain the situation (there is a lot more in the original stories). I've identified some that could be redone, but a lot of it is used to keep track of where other characters are in relation to Haathi.
The biography does a good job of noting who's a Wroonian, Sluissi, or Sullustan. Could it note who's a Human too?- Added, but I think repeating it gets old. Personally, unless a species is specifically mentioned, I tend to think of them as Human anyway.
- It's an issue of NPOV in my opinion; marking aliens but not Humans, females but not males, etc. is a violation of neutrality. The EU does this a lot, but the EU's readership is human beings who live on Earth. Our conceit is that our audience is some in-universe group of people who presumably include aliens among their ranks. :) Incidentally, I'm cool with removing species IDs for the Sluissi, Sullustans, etc. if that makes for better prose in your opinion. ~Savage 16:29, May 26, 2012 (UTC)
- It's an issue of NPOV in my opinion; marking aliens but not Humans, females but not males, etc. is a violation of neutrality. The EU does this a lot, but the EU's readership is human beings who live on Earth. Our conceit is that our audience is some in-universe group of people who presumably include aliens among their ranks. :) Incidentally, I'm cool with removing species IDs for the Sluissi, Sullustans, etc. if that makes for better prose in your opinion. ~Savage
- Added, but I think repeating it gets old. Personally, unless a species is specifically mentioned, I tend to think of them as Human anyway.
It's worth noting that much of her temperament matches that of her species, a fact that can be referenced to Alien Encounters, I think.- Noted.
"made her more bored and annoying..." Annoying to whom?- Never specified. I just assumed in a general way.
I think it's the juxtaposition of "bored" and "annoying" that's causing me pause here, since "bored" implies a condition of Haathi's own mood, while "annoying" indicates an affect she causes in others. In other words, would it be OK to say "bored and annoying to others" just to further emphasize that the object of the first word is not the object of the second? ~Savage 16:31, May 26, 2012 (UTC)- Changed per suggestion. - Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 19:31, May 26, 2012 (UTC)
- Changed per suggestion. - Cavalier One
- Never specified. I just assumed in a general way.
"be shot of her" -- I'm unsure what this means. Be rid of her? ~Savage 02:34, May 26, 2012 (UTC)- Yes, that's the meaning. Some British colloquialism I think :P - Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 10:06, May 26, 2012 (UTC)
- Yes, that's the meaning. Some British colloquialism I think :P - Cavalier One
Attack of the Clone
"Commanded by Arik Stijhl, and Haathi's main reason for stopping at the drop point was solely to show off her new ship and promotion to Major." I might be reading this wrong, but I can't quite make sense of this sentence with the "Commanded by Stihjl" dependent clause. Please double-check.CC7567 (talk) 22:10, June 17, 2012 (UTC)- Rejigged a little, should be clearer on intent. I think I missed a few words there :P - Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 09:14, June 18, 2012 (UTC)
- Rejigged a little, should be clearer on intent. I think I missed a few words there :P - Cavalier One
Eyrezer
"In personality, she was a typical Wroonian,[5] although she was considered to be short for her species..." The way this sentence is structured suggests there is a link between Wroonian personality and height. Can you re-word? --Eyrezer 08:45, June 18, 2012 (UTC)- Added a little and broke into two sentences. - Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 09:14, June 18, 2012 (UTC)
- Added a little and broke into two sentences. - Cavalier One
Comments
Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 04:51, July 30, 2012 (UTC)