Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Syal Antilles

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Syal Antilles

(5 Inqs/2 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. Here's to the next generation of starfighter pilot. --Revan Averre 04:30, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Jaina Solo(Talk) 17:53, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Greyman(Talk) 10:57, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
  4. I hate the main image so much, but I guess Ataru's brilliance overrides that. =P DC 18:28, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Even though the "fighting against Dad" portions of her story qualify for Lamest Thing Ever. Graestan(Talk) 04:16, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:34, 3 September 2008 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote -- Darth Culator (Talk) 23:56, 3 September 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. From the desk of Atarumaster88
    • Way too many redlinks. I will bust all the Vibrosword Squadron and Dancer Squadron ones, but given our rate of FA passage, I anticipate having plenty of time to do it. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 14:50, 24 July 2008 (UTC)
  2. Jaina Solo
    • "After these personal losses, was attached as an aide to General Celchu, and was then sent with him on a covert diplomatic mission to the Jedi Order."—Reads awkwardly
      • Reworded to "After these personal losses, she was attached as an aide to General Celchu and accompanied him on a covert diplomatic mission to the Jedi Order." Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 01:12, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
    • "Attack Fighter"-This shouldn't be capitalized
    • "They had a brief conversation, with both pilots expressing concern for each other, and then they separated, with Wedge Antilles returning to Corellia and Syal rejoining her squadron."-Reads awkwardly
      • Now reads as "They had a brief conversation, with both pilots expressing concern for each other's welfare. Wedge Antilles subsequently returned to Corellian and Syal rejoined her squadron, returning to combat." Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 01:12, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
        • The second sentence sounds a bit confusing.
          • Third time's the charm! Maybe, anyways. Now reworded to say "Wedge Antilles subsequently returned to Corellia and Syal rejoined her squadron, participating once more in the larger battle." Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 16:31, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
    • --Jaina Solo(Talk) 00:09, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
    • Thanks for the review. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 01:12, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
  3. DC
    • "Along with the other children..." Whose kids? You have me starving for whose kids were there. If there are too many rascals, then at least give a rundown of whose families they are from.
      • Yeesh. I will need to get back to you on that one. I know the Solo brats for sure, and probably Valin Horn, but as much as I like Union, the artist didn't do a good job IMHO of distinguishing the characters well. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 13:52, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
        • Definitely Valin, since both Booster and Mirax mention him. Aside from the three Solos and Myri, though, we don't see or hear of any other kids in the mix.--Revan Averre 00:33, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
          • Mentioned Valin and the Solos, but I'm loathe to flat-out say that's all there were. Is that what you were looking for? Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 13:28, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
            • Hmmm...if thats all Union says...then I guess my objection is resolved, though I believe more kids were there. DC 18:28, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
    • "He eventually got the children, including Syal, calmed down and protected them during a swoop gang attack aimed at disrupting the wedding." Tell us how the wedding ended after the swoop attack.
      • Got it.
    • "who found their rambunctiousness hard to handle." I think you could put that in the P&T. I would do it myself, but I wanted to hear your opinion on whether it should be put there or not.
      • I've put it in P&T, but I'd like to leave that sentence there, if only because it ties in well to the next one. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 13:52, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
        • Okay. DC 18:27, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
    • Give some context for the Yuuzhan Vong, please.
    • Great article, but you have no idea how much I hate that main image, and how much it makes me angry that I can't replace it.... DC 03:31, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
  4. Grass clippings:
    • File:Syal Antilles.jpg is highly distorted and has visible comic frame; it requires a rescan.
    • File:SyalDress Union.png also has visible frame; whoever rescans the first one could also grab this as a larger image.
    • File:AntillesGirls Union.png as well.
    • "sometimes known as Lysa Dunter" is a pretty poor descriptor of Syal's intentional pseudonym. I'd plug it, in bold, into the second paragraph of the intro where it is more appropriate.
    • The loss of her fiancé and squadron could use a bit of explanation in the intro.
    • This… this is very awkward: "…the wedding proceeded, resulting in marriage between Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade." Can there be some rewording?
    • First paragraph of "Yuuzhan Vong War" is so rough that I simply request a rewrite. This review will continue pending such. Graestan(Talk) 16:58, 13 August 2008 (UTC)
      • Rewrote it, assuming that you were talking about that paragraph. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 17:44, 13 August 2008 (UTC)
    • "Syal and Myri, along with their mother, Iella Wessiri Antilles" in two consecutive sentences is somewhere between awkward and eerie.
    • Syal is said to join Vibrosword Squadron twice… perhaps the sentences could be reworked to make it all chronologically sound.
    • Some context for the Swarm War as well as the Second Galactic Civil War—motivations, outcome of the Swarm War, why Wedge was on the other side—would be helpful in set-up.
      • Briefly contextified the Swarm War-it's not pertinent to Syal other than as a relative time reference. Added some more on 2GCW to boot. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 04:12, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
    • Tralus's location would also be helpful.
    • The plan for the Battle of Tralus, with the missiles, should be laid out more clearly.
    • "When the Second Fleet, including Blue Diver, was deployed to assist Caedus's flagship, the Anakin Solo, which had come under attack by Confederation forces during a pretense of negotiation in between Corellia and Coruscant." – This is a fragment.
    • Are we going to call him Caedus in this article, when he was Jacen Solo to everyone public in the GA at the time? It kinda makes it sound as though Syal willingly and knowingly followed a Sith.
      • Changed them all; simply went by article title at the time. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 04:12, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
    • Graestan(Talk) 03:46, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
  5. Toprawa:
    • My apologies for the fragmented review, but I'll try to finish this up within the next 24 hours.
    • This kind of reads weird to me, since it was Syal's homeworld just as much as it was Wedge's. Also, it seems it should read "moved back to Corellia." Please adjust: "Syal and the rest of her family moved to the elder Antilles' homeworld of Corellia"
    • Can we link anything to here? "Galactic Alliance fleet"
    • Ditto: "Galactic Alliance military"
    • Ditto: "Second Fleet"
    • You refer to her squadron generically. Is there a proper article we can link this to?
    • This wording just kind of reads blandly to me, specifically "plan." Can we do a little bit to detail/spice this up at all? "the Jedi plan for the Battle of Centerpoint Station" Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:22, 31 August 2008 (UTC)
    • It seems pertinent to add "for the duration of the Yuuzhan Vong War" to the end of this. Please do so if appropriate: "where they remained"
    • "X-wing starfighter" links to a disambig page. Can we link to anything more specific? "Syal then noticed a lone Corellian X-wing starfighter"
      • Specific model unknown. I can link to T-65 if you like, but it could have been an XJ. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 18:24, 1 September 2008 (UTC)
    • Unless I'm missing something here, are there not five habitable worlds in the Corellian system, hence the Five Brothers? "the fleet prepared to withdraw to Tralus, one of the other four habitable worlds in the Corellian system"
      • Hence the "other four habitable worlds" bit. The fleet was already at Corellia, and Tralus is one of the other four. If you have a specific wording suggestion you'd like to see, let me know. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 18:24, 1 September 2008 (UTC)
    • I guess I don't understand the quote heading the "Operation" section. It seems to be that she's advocating not attacking the frigate in order to avoid endangering her squadron, but she actually does attack the frigate, thus endangering lives. Can we clarify this at all? Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:18, 31 August 2008 (UTC)
    • The following wording reads particularly rough and choppy. Please reword so it flows a little better: " and realized that the bombers were going to fly through a large nearby building's underground hangar and have a clean run at the Galactic Alliance base. As Syal had realized, the Corellians intended to fly a large salvo of missiles through the underground hangar in the wake of the two bombers and guide them onto the Galactic Alliance base with the spotter droids."
      • Tweaked it some. Let me know if you want more extreme rewording. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 18:24, 1 September 2008 (UTC)
    • This sentence runs-on. Please break up: "Syal was promoted to lieutenant and earned command of Dancer Squadron, but was estranged from her parents and family, who were allied first with the Corellians and then later with the breakaway Jedi Coalition after the Jedi Order broke with the Galactic Alliance over the seizure of power by Jedi Knight-turned-Sith Lord Jacen Solo, now co-Chief of State."
    • This seems very random and disjointed. What young girl? Greater description needed: "the realization that there was a young girl in the fighter with Solo"
    • The third paragraph of the "Personal loss" section needs some kind of description that Celchu is speaking to her as an enemy, as I'm understanding this. If I'm misinterpreting that, I would advise you to revisit that paragraph. The significance of their meeting just seems very glossed over and, having never read this stuff, I'm sort of missing the meaning behind it all. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:22, 31 August 2008 (UTC)
      • Negative, negative. Celchu is a personal friend, mentor, and coincidentally, a superior officer. I've tweaked that para, even though her relationship with Celchu was mentioned earlier in the article. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 18:24, 1 September 2008 (UTC)
    • I'm a bit confused on a few points that I would request be clarified. The paragraph doesn't do a great job of spelling out the lines of battle for me here, who's with who, etc. Is Celchu being forced into surrender, or is he willingly going along with this plan? "As part of this plan, Wedge Antilles compelled the surrender of Celchu with an imaginary blaster"
      • Hard to do without going into play-by-play, but I've given it a shot. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 18:24, 1 September 2008 (UTC)
        • When you say Antilles compelled him into surrender is where I'm a bit confused. Did Celchu willingly go along with this, was this "surrender" just a formality, did he object to it?
    • Also, I thought Tenel Ka Djo was the Chume'da. Now it's this Allana? I don't understand the difference: "to exfiltrate the Hapan Chume'da, Allana"
      • Chume'da is a title, akin to princess. I see no need to clarify that at the present moment, but am open to suggestion. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 18:24, 1 September 2008 (UTC)
        • So there is more than one Chume'da? When you refer to someone as "the Hapan Chume'da," it makes it seem to me as if there is only one. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:11, 1 September 2008 (UTC)
    • Throughout this article, for whatever reason I assumed your reference to "Confederation forces" or any variation thereof referred to GFFA forces, when I'm now learning this is the Corellian coalition. I would like you to go back and find an appropriate place to initially describe for me that "Confederation" refers to this, and link to the Confederation article
      • Okay, but it gets sort of messy. Initially, it was just the Corellians. Later, they get some friends and call themselves the Confederation. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 18:24, 1 September 2008 (UTC)
    • This sentence is pretty run-on, please break it up: "However, Rogue Squadron withdrew when Confederation reinforcements arrived, allowing Syal and the Rakehells to escort Broadside, its crew's mission to destroy Centerpoint Station successful, and then the Jedi-allied light freighter Millennium Falcon, which carried the Jedi team from the Anakin Solo and Allana, out of the engagement zone."
    • I realize the extent of Syal's involvement ends where it does, but the biography needs to end in some kind of resolution. What happened to the war?
    • I'm not sure what this has to do with her admiration for her father: "even going so far as to shoot down a member of Rogue Squadron, albeit reluctantly and in self-defense"
    • You're missing appearances and quite possibly new information from the audio versions of these stories. I don't know if these follow the book exactly or not (similar to the TOTJ audio dramas, which occasionally vary greatly), but we really should have individual articles on each. Please add these to the appearances list, and kill appropriate number of red links.
      • This is going to take some time. I don't have the audio books, so I'll have to ask around for new info. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 18:24, 1 September 2008 (UTC)
        • According to Borsk, they are the same, aside from info that's left out of the audiobooks (they are abridged), which would not seem to merit an article/redlink, per our discussion in IRC on the matter. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 05:39, 3 September 2008 (UTC)
      • I'm impressed on your ability to avoid using the word "death" until the P/T. :P Toprawa and Ralltiir 15:58, 1 September 2008 (UTC)
    • I'm going to assume when you say the "death of Jacen Solo" that we can pipelink some kind of article to his death in there. Please do so. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:11, 1 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments

  • Took care of the squadron redlinks, Ataru. There's a bit of a mixup, as there's a Vibrosword Squadron and a VibroSword Squadron, but since all of the callsigns were spelled the former way, that's the one they link to. --Revan Averre 04:24, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
  • Ataru and I discussed this, already, and it's not an objection, but I could swear I recall reading that Syal was named after (it would seem obvious) her aunt, Wedge's sister, Syal Antilles Fel. I think that would be an important bit of information about her, either in the early life or intro section, but a source is needed. Anybody know the source where that is stated? - JMAS Hey, it's me! 19:51, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
Well, the Syal Fe page mentions it, but has no source. It does say that it was before Wedge knew his sister was still alive, so that'd be Vision of the Future, but according to her page Syal Antilles was never mentioned there. Hmmm, you know, I'm going to take a guess that it's in Dark Tide II or Unifying Force, since they're both mentioned in both of those two. Probably DTII. --Revan Averre 04:04, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
  • Having thoroughly checked both of those sources when I wrote this article, I can safely say that it's not there. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 13:26, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
  • Anyone with the audio books who could check them for new information/update the appearances list would be greatly appreciated. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 18:24, 1 September 2008 (UTC)

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 23:56, 3 September 2008 (UTC)