Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Svivreni

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Svivreni

  • Nominated by: Skippy Farlstendoiro 19:45, November 30, 2009 (UTC) — WP:AS
  • Nomination comments: West End Games wanted the Svivreni in their Star Wars RPG to be like the dwarves in Surgeons & Dragons,[source?] by giving the former many features of the later; however, the Svivreni never really catched on the role-playing audience.[source?]

(5 Inqs/1 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. Should be the pack mule of every RPG party. ~ SavageBob 15:50, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote --Eyrezer 11:37, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 19:52, March 14, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Cylka-talk- 16:31, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 00:40, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Kathol sector referenced. Nuff said. - Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 01:24, March 26, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Eyrezer:
    • As a preliminary objection, can you add some subsections to the S&C and History sections? Ideally, I'd also like to see a couple of the "Distinctions" removed from the infobox; "sturdy", for instance. --Eyrezer 11:07, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Prepare to be savaged...
    • On a first look, I think your lead section needs to be beefed up quite a bit. I'd say it should probably be about twice the size it is now, roughly. You could do with three paragraphs or two long ones, but there should be a few more lines about their society and culture, for example, and a more beefed up summary of their history. I'll get to the rest in the next couple days! ~ SavageBob 16:30, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
      • Enough?
        • I could see it being a bit longer, but it's in the ballpark now. :) ~ SavageBob 16:24, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
    • OK, more now. I think the "distinctions" field of the infobox should be reserved for features that set a species apart from the majority of other aliens in the SW universe. If that's the case, I don't think their hands are unusual enough to qualify.
      • Done.
        • OK. Consider possibly adding their manes into the "distinctions" field, as that is something that someone would likely use to identify one of these guys in a spaceport or crowded market (this is just a suggestion, and not an objection). ~ SavageBob 16:24, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
          • Done.
    • I think evolutionary history (the first paragraph of "Biology and appearance") belongs under "History" instead. Well, it belongs in both places: Under "B&A", you should explain that they are adapted to their climate, and in "History" you should explain how they evolved.
      • Done.
        • Looks good, but be sure to mention their "suppleness" (using a synonym) somewhere in "Biology and appearance," though. ~ SavageBob 16:24, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
          • Resilience upon Thesaurus.
    • Can you explain "sturdy complexion"? The term brings to my mind their skin, but I don't think that's what's intended.
      • Replaced by "stout".
    • The convulsing of their ears -- is this voluntary or involuntary? It might fit better under "Society and culture" when you talk about their language.
      • OS does not specify 100% but I think it's involuntary and as such a biological aspect more than a cultural one. Done nothing
    • Do they tie their hair into a ponytail or do they braid it?
      • Damn inexact Thesaurus. Tied in ponytail; "braid" replaced with "hairstyle".
    • Similar to above, the reason why they evolved to be stubborn is perhaps better moved to "History."
      • Done.
    • Can you explain what it means to be "one of the hardests"? What is a "hardest?"
      • The hardest mineralogists ever. Changed.
        • It's still a bit confusing; does the OS use "hardest?" Usually, people (and sentient aliens) would be described as "toughest," perhaps. ~ SavageBob 16:24, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
          • Replaced by toughest, OS says hardest.
    • Can you explain what you mean by "the greatest available class?"
      • Done.
        • Better. Perhaps replace "best technology" with "state-of-the-art technology" or just say a "state-of-the-art spaceport"? ~ SavageBob 16:24, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
          • Replaced.
    • Language, customary greetings, and naming conventions might fit well together.
      • Joined in "Linguistic traits", as they cover phonology, semantics and lexis respectively.
    • Try to avoid one-paragraph subsections. I'm not sure "aesthetics" needs its own section since it's so short. I'm up through "Society and culture"; will get to the rest soon! ~ SavageBob 18:57, December 13, 2009 (UTC)
      • "Aesthetics" moved to "social behavior".
    • The final paragraph of "Behind the scenes" is interesting but confusing. Can you go into more detail about the size discrepancy between sources and how WOTC resolved it? Right now, the article mentions the solution, but it doesn't explain what it was. ~ SavageBob 21:17, December 13, 2009 (UTC)
      • Expanded. Hope you like it, hope people unfamiliar with the RPG can follow it.
    • I'm not sure I get the connection between the Svivreni turning Svivren into a trading post with the presence of Svivreni traders offworld (from "Svivreni in the galaxy").
      • Clarified (I hope).
    • The paragraph about criminals avoiding Svivren and the New Republic using it would fit better under "History" rather than "Svivren in the galaxy" since it says nothing about Svivren offworld. I'll get to "History" next! ~ SavageBob 23:52, December 13, 2009 (UTC)
      • Done. Yay! Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:43, December 15, 2009 (UTC)
        • Looking good! I still need to read through "History," so I'll try to do so soon! ~ SavageBob 16:24, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
    • OK, "History": The stuff about Senator Sauro seems to in there twice. Can you consolidate?
      • Done.
    • There are a few of points that seem pertinent to Svivren the planet, but not necessarily the Svivreni species. I'm thinking specifically about the Mara Jade, Garm Bel Iblis, and Talon Karrde visits, and the attitude of New Republic pilots to the planet post-Thrawn. Maybe these bits should be cut, since they don't seem to pertain to this article?
      • Garm's visit cut; others I think it's important: MJ's visit led to the battle; Karrde explains the importance of Svivreni as traders; pilots, partly cut, but keep about Svivreni welcoming them when most people didn't. Fine with you?
    • The section about after the New Republic is so short that perhaps it should be collapsed up into the previous section, which could be retitled accordingly.
      • Done.
    • There should be more info that can be gleaned from the Essential Atlas; when the area was first well-explored by the Republic, etc. That's it! Nice work! ~ SavageBob 21:58, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
    • OK, that's not it. A bit more! Is the "quinoid" of the infobox supposed to be "equinoid"?
      • Typo. Done.
    • Does WOTC provide age ranges for their childhood, adolescence, adulthood, etc.? If so, this should be included in the article.
      • Done, forgot to specify till now; just to not have objections unstroken.--Skippy Farlstendoiro 22:18, January 8, 2010 (UTC)
    • I think the captions of the article are too terse. Can you expand them to full sentences that explain something from the article? For example, rather than labeling the first image "A Svivreni," make it a sentence about their clothing, or their manes, or their height.
      • Done.
    • In the first paragraph of "Social behavior," you seem to be repeating the information that they forbid weapons on their world in the first two sentences. One could be scrapped.
      • Done.
    • The fact that they can snort, while worth noting, should probably be moved somewhere else. Perhaps "Biology and appearance," when you talk about their snout? Or does the original source indicate that the snorting is part of their language?
      • Done.
    • "Jade then left the planet among the remains of the battle." Can you explain what you mean? I'm picturing the planet surrounded by debris or something.
      • Have a look; the "battle" was little more than an arrest-gone-really-wrong; maybe
    • The Svivreni resistance and Battle of Svivren (or Siege of Svivren) should get articles (from "The New Republic" section).
    • Can you include the author of Jedi Quest: The School of Fear as you do for The Last Command (from "Behind the scenes")?
      • Done; one of the main reasons I've done this, after all.
    • The compromise from WOTC's website: I understand that it treats them as medium-sized characters for equipment and encumbrance purposes, but does it treat them as small for dodging/targeting purposes? If so, this should be spelled out just a bit more clearly in the final sentence of the article. ~ SavageBob 20:47, December 20, 2009 (UTC)
      • Have a look.
    • OK, last few items! I think it's too much to describe Tyro Caladian so much under "Biology and appearance." The fact that he's a young adult is probably enough to mention (thus deleting the stuff about his career).
      • Done.
    • Under "Social behavior," you seem to mention that weapons are forbidden in both of the first two sentences.
      • Uh? It's a long sentence with three footnotes to specify all the known details, but it is one sentence.
        • Hmm. Not sure what I had in mind! ~ SavageBob 15:50, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
    • Finally, can you indicate what year it was that we got to see our first depiction of Svivreni (from "Behind the scenes")? ~ SavageBob 04:59, December 22, 2009 (UTC)
      • Added the book it's from; it's year had been already added. Btw, hope you liked the article. Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:38, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
        • Most definitely! I think this is your best species nom to date. ~ SavageBob 15:50, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Eyrezer:
    • According to the Online Appendix of the Atlas, Svivren is in the Svivreni sector, not Seswenna. --Eyrezer 11:11, February 2, 2010 (UTC)
    • A mention of the Svivren Xenomineralogy Institute from the GATOR entry on Nirasik would be appropriate. --Eyrezer 11:50, February 2, 2010 (UTC)
    • The Atlas, page 200 gives an actual day for the Thrawn attack on Svivren. Can you add this in? --Eyrezer 04:25, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
    • It seems like there could be more about Senator Sano Sauro. Can you expand this section with more detail?
      • Can't. OS doesn't expand. It's just Tyro mentioning Sauro's activities in Svivren in passing &mdash. I could add that, years later that, Sauro collaborated with Granta Omega and Bog Divinian and was opposed by Kenobi, the Caladians and Ferus Olin, but that's off-topic here. Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:48, February 11, 2010 (UTC)
        • I might investigate the wording of the original source myself then. Will get back to this one. --Eyrezer 11:03, February 11, 2010 (UTC)
    • The first paragraph "After the battle of Endor" seems like it would be more appropriate in the Svivreni in the galaxy section. Can you move and integrate it there? --Eyrezer 10:41, February 11, 2010 (UTC)
    • Could you add a paragraph to the intro on some of the notable Svivreni individuals?
      • Added.
    • Can you add more detail on some of the individual Svivreni in the Svivreni in the galaxy section? I see from your Spanish site that there is significantly more info on the Caladian cousins, at the least. --Eyrezer 05:09, February 12, 2010 (UTC)
      • There's no really that much on anyone but the Caladians; added to them. I expanded Tyro's article, but that info is mostly irrelevant for this one. Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:41, February 12, 2010 (UTC)
        • Is it possible to add a bit more on Nirasik? THe line you added to the intro is new info to the article in pointing out that he raised worker standards. --Eyrezer 22:29, February 12, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Stuff:
    • "The Svivreni had the Svivren Xenomineralogy Institute" This doesn’t flow well with previous sentence. Please reword, or maybe even start a new paragraph.
      • Better, but still doesn't flow great. Chack Jadson (Talk) 21:18, March 7, 2010 (UTC)
        • Try now. There's no further info on SXI (except that Kitalic studied there). --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:29, March 9, 2010 (UTC)
    • Also, "Old Republic era" is OOU.
    • Since you source everything else to chapter, you need to do the same with Specter of the Past.
    • Also, your linking was quite lacking. Please watch out for this in the future. Chack Jadson (Talk) 21:55, February 26, 2010 (UTC)
  5. From the Moffship of Grand Moff Tranner:
    • "They nevertheless recognized Saqc'or as one of the toughest mineralogists ever." - Any reason why "toughest" is italicized?
      • Emphasis, but anyway italics removed.
    • Under "The Galactic Empire and the Civil War," the last two paragraphs don't seem to have anything to do with Svivreni, other than that the events occurred on their homeworld. They should probably be removed. Also, the first paragraph of "After the Battle of Endor" doesn't seem all that relevant either.
      • I digress, as they are about the Empire-Alliance battle involving Svivreni, albeit in one of the most alien-populated areas of the planet; and the fact that soon after that batter the Svivreni were still reputed traders. Also, both paragraphs exemplify that Svivreni shared the trading areas of the planet with aliens. I don't think that paragraphs should be removed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:21, March 14, 2010 (UTC)
        • Neither of the two paragraphs under "The Galactic Empire and the Civil War" even mention Svivreni. As I see it, they have no relevance to this article; rather, they belong in the Svivren article. This objection stands. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 19:17, March 15, 2010 (UTC)
    • That's all. Not bad. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 01:37, March 13, 2010 (UTC)
  6. Cylka:
    • which reduced crime and helped them turn Svivren into an important trade world - Was it only the reduction of the crime rate or were there other factors?
      • Other factors, changed.
    • had reached a decision, he or she would very rarely reconsider, something that gave them a chance - This is a bit awkwardly worded, especially the reconsider, something part. Please reword this sentence.
      • Reworded.
    • one of the best academic institutions in its area - Do you mean the physical area or in the study of mineralogy? Please clarify this.
      • Changed.
    • Concerning the clothes they preferred, was this a species-wide preference, or just those who worked a miners and mineralogists?
      • Only miners. Changed.
    • They nevertheless recognized Saqc'or as one of the toughest mineralogists ever. - Did this concern only their species, or all mineralogists?
      • OS doesn't specify "only Svivreni", thus: Specified.
    • The natives who remained on Svivren made it thrive as a trading post. - The word "made" sounds a bit awkward here. Please reword this sentence a bit.
      • Changed.
    • Can you explain the connection to Berchest a bit more. Why would the planet be considered competition? Just becasue it was a trading center? There must have been other trading planets as well. Was the distance close between the two planets or did they have similar exports?
      • Changed; any speculation removed.
    • I have to agree with Tranner concerning the last two paragraphs of "The Galactic Empire and the Civil War" section. It doesn't have much to do with the species itself, just the planet's history.
    • In 8 ABY, smuggler Talon Karrde pretended to be Syndic Pandis Hart of the Sif-Uwana Council, en route to important business on Svivren. Karrde did not need any forged document related to those fictional deals, but instead relied on the reputation Svivreni had given to their planet, to impress an acquaintance. - I'm sorry, but I really don't understand what you are trying to convey with this statement. Please clarify this a bit.
      • This paragraph has been removed due to another user's objection; is this OK with you?
    • Skywalker used the Force to scan the Svivreni, apparently without them noticing - Why would the Svivreni notice? Were they particularly sensitive to the Force?
      • Removed.
        • Skywalker used the Force to scan the Svivreni. - This sentence still seems to be a bit out of place. Please connect it a bit more to the previous sentence.
    • Nirasik's company threatened the planetary monopoly of the Offworld Corporation, partly because Nirasik offered his miners good working conditions and a greater hope of survival than Offworld did—however, even then, foreman Nirasik was sure to profit from these good deeds. - This sentence needs to be broken up a bit. The hyphen doesn't work very well here, and "was sure to profit" suggests the future and not the past.
      • Better?
    • Ironically, Svivreni were less permissive with alien outlaws on their own planet - Ironic compared to what? Please clarify.
      • No irony; might be against NPOV.
    • enemies such as Granta Omega, Sano Sauro and Jenna Zan Arbor. - Who were they enemies of? The galaxy, the Jedi? Please add a bit more context.
      • Clarified.
    • His cousin Curran later became a political fugitive under the Galactic Empire, but he continued fighting for what he believed to be a good cause and joined a collective of outlaws called the Erased, working along others like him and the Jedi Fy-Tor-Ana and Ferus Olin. - This sentence needs to be broken up.
      • Better?
    • I have found a couple of instances where the same information is repeated in both the "History" and "Svivreni in the galaxy" sections, and it need not be. Please read through these sections again and remove some of the repetitive information.
      • Better?
    • Please be careful with your use of punctuation, especially with colons since they were often incorrectly used. I would recommend avoiding the use of colons and semicolons as much as possible.
      • Better?
    • This is an interesting article. Please make these changes and I will look over it again. Cylka-talk- 07:03, March 16, 2010 (UTC)
      • Some done. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:39, March 17, 2010 (UTC)
        • Good work, Skippy. I just have that one last objection. Cylka-talk- 03:08, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Comments