- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Soldier (clone)
- Nominated by: QuiGonJinn
(Talk) 15:42, August 20, 2014 (UTC) - Nomination comments: The second of the three Jaden Korrs (Jadens Korr? Jadens Korrs?) running around in Riptide.
(4 Inqs/2 Users/6 Total)
Support
IFYLOFD (Talk) 00:24, February 4, 2015 (UTC)- Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 17:29, January 16, 2016 (UTC)
- 1358 (Talk) 00:15, February 1, 2016 (UTC)
Sir Cavalier of One(Squadron channel) 01:44, June 4, 2016 (UTC)- Manoof (talk) 01:21, June 5, 2016 (UTC)
- Supreme Emperor (talk) 03:21, June 28, 2016 (UTC)
Object
Floyd
I'd like a mention in the intro about what the purpose of the Community was.- Hope it's more clear now.
"As they fled from the moon, Soldier and his brothers and sisters were influenced by the Lignan crystals scattered in its atmosphere as a result of the destruction of the Sith dreadnaught Harbinger." Any context on this event? More to come.IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 01:07, January 7, 2015 (UTC)- Context added. Thanks for taking a look at this. QuiGonJinn (Talk) 13:30, January 15, 2015 (UTC)
- Context added. Thanks for taking a look at this. QuiGonJinn
"secret storage of Mount Tantiss on the planet Wayland." Secret storage what?Context on Dr. Gray.So Soldier is "Prime"? You don't explicitly link the two in the bio.Same with Iteration, you need to slip in a few paragraph breaks."The two soon heard the sound of scuttle," Scuttle? Do you mean scuffle?I don't think we need a full paragraph of examples of Soldier's rage in the P&T—one or two examples should suffice.IFYLOFD (Talk) 04:08, January 23, 2015 (UTC)- All addressed. QuiGonJinn (Talk) 11:17, February 1, 2015 (UTC)
- All addressed. QuiGonJinn
Cav
The last two paragraphs of "The escape" are a bit play by play with short, choppy sentences. I would consider trying to streamline it.Also, in the last paragraph of "The escape," you state: "Nenn making his way to his scout flyer, flown into the area by his sister, Syll Nenn, who was then killed by Korr in a skirmish." This makes it sound like both Nenn and his sister where killed in the ambush, but Nenn appears on the space station in the next section. Some clarification is needed.- Sir Cavalier of One(Squadron channel) 20:48, August 19, 2015 (UTC)
- Made some changes to those paragraphs, which should take care of both objections. QuiGonJinn (Talk) 19:32, August 24, 2015 (UTC)
- Made some changes to those paragraphs, which should take care of both objections. QuiGonJinn
Cadeth
Firstly, that intro is too big. It's almost the size of the Hero's, and Soldier's only in a single novel. Please drop some of that excessive detail. Cade Calrayn 03:51, October 13, 2015 (UTC)- Addressed. QuiGonJinn (Talk) 12:28, October 27, 2015 (UTC)
- I, too, was still a bit concerned about the size of the intro, mostly the paragraph sizes. A good rule of thumb for Wookieepedia articles is to try and not go much longer than eight sentences per paragraph. If you're over ten, you probably need a paragraph break, especially in the intro, since that shows up on the Main Page, so we want it to look as presentable as possible. Keep in mind, also, that 99 percent of our readership is looking at our articles in Wikia skin, which has dramatically narrower margins than Monobook, so a 10-line paragraph in Monobook is like a 20-line paragraph in Wikia skin and looks terrible. I cut down on a little bit of wordiness in the intro and removed the sentence detailing the specifics of the other clones' disease, which was a bit extraneous to Soldier, and further divided the intro into three paragraphs. I think should work and will look better in Wikia skin. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 18:48, January 8, 2016 (UTC)
- You are right I suppose. I forgot that the Wikia's skin numerous ads and banners squeeze the actual content of the page into a tiny speck in the middle. I'll try to keep that in mind in the future. QuiGonJinn (Talk) 12:55, January 16, 2016 (UTC)
- You are right I suppose. I forgot that the Wikia's skin numerous ads and banners squeeze the actual content of the page into a tiny speck in the middle. I'll try to keep that in mind in the future. QuiGonJinn
- I, too, was still a bit concerned about the size of the intro, mostly the paragraph sizes. A good rule of thumb for Wookieepedia articles is to try and not go much longer than eight sentences per paragraph. If you're over ten, you probably need a paragraph break, especially in the intro, since that shows up on the Main Page, so we want it to look as presentable as possible. Keep in mind, also, that 99 percent of our readership is looking at our articles in Wikia skin, which has dramatically narrower margins than Monobook, so a 10-line paragraph in Monobook is like a 20-line paragraph in Wikia skin and looks terrible. I cut down on a little bit of wordiness in the intro and removed the sentence detailing the specifics of the other clones' disease, which was a bit extraneous to Soldier, and further divided the intro into three paragraphs. I think should work and will look better in Wikia skin. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 18:48, January 8, 2016 (UTC)
- Addressed. QuiGonJinn
Toprawa
My objections focus on two pieces of referencing that cannot be properly cited to Riptide:- The first, "...the galactic capital of Coruscant..." I don't see anything in the story that indicates Coruscant is the galactic capital
- Secondly, calling Lumiya a Dark Lady of the Sith. Riptide makes no such mention of this title. Both of these items will need independent references. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 18:10, January 11, 2016 (UTC)
- Both addressed. QuiGonJinn (Talk) 12:55, January 16, 2016 (UTC)
- Both addressed. QuiGonJinn
Manoof
In the intro, "With Faal's help, Soldier retook control of the ship, forcing both Faal and Nenn to retreat via escape pods." needs to be clarified, to indicate Soldier forced Faal to retreat after Faal assisted Soldier. Manoof (talk) 02:59, May 15, 2016 (UTC)- Addresesd.
Would you say Korr had light skin? If so it can be added in. Manoof (talk) 02:59, May 15, 2016 (UTC)- Well, if I were to judge by Jaden's appearance in Jedi Academy, I'd rather say he was fair-skinned, not light. I'd assume that on the cover of Riptide, the light shining in his face from the lightsaber makes his face look lighter. Added it in the article, anyway.
You should probably put "Years before[3] 41 ABY,[4]" earlier in the section, maybe to the specific night Seer was contacted (or revealed contact) by Mother. It wasn't until the P&T I realized that Wry's death had happened around that time, rather than years before... Manoof (talk) 02:59, May 15, 2016 (UTC)- Done. Thanks for taking a look at this. QuiGonJinn (Talk) 20:55, June 4, 2016 (UTC)
- Done. Thanks for taking a look at this. QuiGonJinn
Comments
Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 03:22, June 28, 2016 (UTC)
- Like I mentioned in a response to an objection on my GAnom of Wry, I don't think these clones warrant a nickname template, since they essentially considered those to be their real names. If you have an argument to the contrary, I'm willing to listen. QuiGonJinn (Talk) 15:42, August 20, 2014 (UTC)