Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Sigel Dare

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Sigel Dare

  • Nominated by: Menkooroo 13:55, December 8, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Die in the name of the true Emperor!

(5 Inqs/1 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. It is good to see the three main Imp. Knights put for the FA's.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:42, December 11, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 05:30, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Grunny (talk) 08:47, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 23:48, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Green Tentacle (Talk) 15:43, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:00, May 1, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Before I review this, you need to use {{Quote}} instead of {{Dialogue}}. {{Dialogue}} is only for three or more speakers. Chack Jadson (Talk) 21:56, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
    • Correctified! Menkooroo 03:47, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Attack of the Clone
    • "Finding Gahan, Dare and Sinde saved her from execution at the hands of a squad of stormtroopers, and informed her both of the situation and that they would be taking her off-planet to in order to help them reach Stazi. Still wary of their plan, Dare taunted Gahan, telling her that her Admiral had been outsmarted, but was in turn reprimanded by Sinde, who felt that she was failing to see the larger picture." Something's not quite right with the plurality here; please check.
      • "Sinde then informed her of the situation, and told her that she would be taken off-planet in order to bring the Imperial Knights to see Stazi." This is still relatively unclear. Which Imperial Knights? The wording implies that it's ones that are not Sinde or Dare, and I'm not sure if that is correct or not. Also, how would taking her off-planet bring the Knights to see Stazi? Please clarify this. CC7567 (talk) 03:08, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
        • Changed both it and an earlier sentence in order to clarify that she would lead them to Stazi. Menkooroo 05:29, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
    • "Sinde quickly laid out a plan that involved everyone who could fit into stormtrooper armor donning it": this is rather choppily worded, and the "donning it" is interrupting the sentence flow. Please check this, as I'm not sure what you're trying to say.
    • "Before they could take off, Sinde saw Azard, who had sensed a disturbance in the Force, approaching, and ordered Dare": same deal with the "approaching" here.
    • Please try to relate the quotes more to Dare, as this is her article. You can do this by making that all of the quote captions mention her somehow.
    • "in accompanying the Emperor and the Princess to Agamar": Princess? What princess? On a related note, you mention a "Marasiah" later in the article but don't provide context on her.
    • Just to clarify, did Dare appear in Monster, Part 4 or not? The article includes substantial information from there, but it isn't listed in her Appearances.
    • "and even sarcastically telling Stazi that he was welcome after the explosives had been disarmed": while I know what you mean, I think this can be worded a bit clearer. Perhaps saying that she was underlining her involvement in the plan and her instrumental actions in its success would be better.
    • Good work otherwise. CC7567 (talk) 03:24, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
      • Take a look. I also trimmed some play-by-play down to keep it salient. And nope, Sigel isn't shown in any panels in Part 4 of Monster. But since Marasiah, Azlyn, and Rasi are emphasized as the only ones left behind, I've assumed that she boarded the shuttle. Menkooroo 13:55, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Retrieving Sinde – I'm fairly certain Corso and Stazi planned to talk about a potential alliance between the Jedi and the Alliance, not Cade Skywalker, given that Stazi says "I find this Skywalker more and more interesting, but that's for another day. For now I'd like to hear more of what you have to say, Jedi." As such could you take another look at this sentence: "Jedi Master Te Corso invited Dare to join a private conversation about the bounty hunter Cade Skywalker, but the Imperial Knight declined, instead asking Stazi for the use of one of the Alliance's Imperial shuttles, which would allow her to covertly slip into Dac." Grunny (talk) 07:36, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
    • You're right. Good catch. I chose to remove the point altogether though, as mentioning that Dare declined to join in a conversation is a bit too play-by-play. Menkooroo 08:46, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Does LECG specify what kind of agent she became? Otherwise, fine work. Chack Jadson (Talk) 21:09, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
    • The LECG mentions the "agent" thing in regards to all of the Imperial Knights (Sigel is only mentioned in the campaign guide in the "examples" section of the IK's), and just says "Upon completing their training, they would serve the Emperor as a bodyguard and agent, fighting until the death." So, agent of the Emperor. Good question, though. Menkooroo 23:58, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Second Imperial Civil War: It could use a little bit of context on why Fel is fighting Krayt. Instead of "Roan Fel, former Emperor of the Galactic Empire," something like "Roan Fel, who Krayt had deposed as Emperor of the Galactic Empire" might work. Green Tentacle (Talk) 14:14, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
    • Good call. Changed on your advice. And sorry about the capitalization of titles; I remembered the policy but I remembered it completely the wrong way. Menkooroo 15:39, May 1, 2010 (UTC)

Comments


Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 22:00, May 1, 2010 (UTC)