- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Shu Mai
(5 Inq/3 Users/8 Total)
Support
- Such a lovable character -- AdmirableAckbar [Talk] 21:25, 11 October 2007 (UTC)
- Goodwood
(For the Rebellion!) 21:35, 12 October 2007 (UTC) 
—Graestan 
(This party's over) 02:52, 13 October 2007 (UTC)- "I am your reward; you don't find me handsome?" Hobbes15(Tiger Headquarters) 15:32, 13 October 2007 (UTC)
Thefourdotelipsis 04:14, 14 October 2007 (UTC)- Green Tentacle (Talk) 22:22, 17 October 2007 (UTC)
- Greyman(Paratus) 15:44, 18 October 2007 (UTC)
- -- Darth Culator (Talk) 23:26, 25 October 2007 (UTC)
Oppose
- From the Forest of Goodwood:
Slight grammatical error in BtS.- Addressed.
BtS could be expanded just a bit, methinks.- Largely useless paragraph added, though I couldn't think of anything better to add.
The sentence "Shu Mai was angry at Dooku, who had told her that the fall of Castell was all part of the plan; the Commerce Guild had become expendable, according to Mai." could be rewritten and potentially expanded upon.- Addressed.
"In 19 BBY, Shu Mai attended a meeting between the members of the Separatist Council and General Grievous, the supreme commander of the Separatist Droid Armies. The leaders of the Council were intimidated by Grievous, though they put up with him because of his alliance with Dooku. They met in Grievous's flagship, the Invisible Hand, where the cyborg told them that because their homeworlds had fallen to the Republic and their purse-worlds were no longer secure, they would be relocated to the Outer Rim territories; however, Grievous had yet to capture one for them. He told them to wait in their respective vessels docked on his flagship while he found them a suitable world." Needs to be rewritten to properly explain the situation; plus, Outer Rim Territories needs to be capitalized.- Addressed.
- Other then that, a good read. TIMMMMBERRRR!!!--Goodwood (For the Rebellion!) 21:59, 11 October 2007 (UTC)
- From the squalid cublicle of Graestan:
- This is not a TOTJ article.
- Not a rule based objection. :P
"The sly Mai then secretly aligned the Guild with the Confederacy of Independent Systems, a group of powerful individuals, led by the mysterious Darth Sidious, who broke away from and subsequently waged war on the Galactic Republic."—reword to avoid misinterpretation.- Addressed.
I know she was in charge, but as an elected leader, the Guild's forces did not belong personally to her. Please refrain from referring to the Guild and its possessions as "hers."- Addressed.
Ouch! Quote needed at beginning of bio, preferably between the headings!- Several quotes added.
A quote for P&T is desired.- Addressed.
"During the financial crisis, things became so severe for the saurian species that they were murdering each other over food, money and passage offworld, however the Commerce Guild stepped in and effectively saved the planet from complete disaster"—please break this up.- Addressed.
"higher and higher ranked" is an awkward phrasing.- Addressed.
Look over the links again; I see things linked on the second or third opportunity. Links are also missing for a few things further down.- Addressed.
You cannot call Ansion "insignificant" without explaining, or else it is POV.- Addressed.
"Senator" should always be capitalized as a title, such as "Senator Mousul."- Addressed.
Last paragraph of "Presidente" needs attention. Please reword, focusing on breaking up sentences and clearing up ambiguously interpreted phrasing.- Addressed.
"Just as it looked as if the Jedi would be executed"—reword, less neither-here-nor-there.- Addressed.
Beginning one paragraph with "several months later" and the next with "nine months later" is a little too play-by-playish for me.- Addressed.
"Knowing the Jedi were on her tail, and that the planet would soon fall from the CIS's grasp, she had a protocol put in place, which, if the planet became under attack, would poison the water supply of Felucia, crippling the planet and making it next to useless for the Republic."—please break up.- Addressed.
"planet Mustafar" shouldn't be used twice so close together.- Addressed.
Saying she was careful to remain within the letter of the law (in the bio) and then saying that she was willing to employ illegal methods (in the P&T) is contradictory.- Well, the thing about that is that she herself never broke the law, but she was happy to have others do it on her behalf. Anyway, I clarified it a little.
- —Graestan (This party's over) 01:47, 12 October 2007 (UTC)
- This is not a TOTJ article.
The infobox image needs to be sourced.--Eyrezer 02:37, 12 October 2007 (UTC)- Addressed.
- From the lair of Hobbes15
"...and eventually rose ranks several more times." "rose ranks" doesn't sound that good, and should maybe be changed to was promoted or something.- Changed.
Is it just me, or is sly (intro) a little close to POV?- I don't think it is, but removed anyway.
Unsourced quote in Presidente section.- Addressed.
Dooku did not meet with Mai and other Separatists in 20 BBY, it must have been earlier. Correct this.- Addressed.
"Other than Mai and the Commerce Guild, no one had noticed that such a backwater planet as Ansion lay at the center of so many interlocking treaties." Wrong. The Jedi knew as well— that's why they sent the team to the planet. Perhaps change "no one" to very few.- Addressed.
Should "Separatist War Room" be linked? (Clone Wars)- Addressed.
"the situation."(lead quote of Close of the War)? This should be elaborated upon a bit.- Elaborated upon.
"Gunray, however, had no idea what Shu Mai was speaking about; he pretended that his mechno-chair had been malfunctioning,[16] though in truth it had been left behind after his evacuation on Cato Neimoidia, and was now in Republic hands.[10]" This doesn't make sense— what does Gunray's mechnochair have to do with Mai's communication, and if its been left behind, how did Mai talk to Gunray in the first place?- Clarified.
"she fell to her knees and begged for mercy, though the Sith was not a merciful being..." This should be reworded— mercy is used twice in quick succession, which sounds bad.- Addressed.
- And that's all. Nice quote for Death, that's one of my favorites :). Hobbes15(Tiger Headquarters) 14:50, 13 October 2007 (UTC)
- Thank you for your comments and input -- AdmirableAckbar [Talk] 15:24, 13 October 2007 (UTC)
- From the extensively pounded desk of Four Dot:
Describing the species at the start of the article seems...well...racist. ;)- Addressed to only describe her.
"Mai was not the only one approached: Nute Gunray of the Trade Federation, former senators Po Nudo and Tikkes, San Hill of the InterGalactic Banking Clan, Wat Tambor of the Techno Union, as well as Archduke Poggle the Lesser and many others were approached by Dooku." - Approached twice...isn't doing wonders for me.- Addressed.
I'd like a bit more film-centric ness in the death section. At the moment, it seems like a mish-mash of the comic, the book, and the film, which is a tad untidy. I'm not even sure if the quote is canon.- I've kept the quote in the absence of another one, though the section is now film-centric.
- That's all. Thefourdotelipsis 00:27, 14 October 2007 (UTC)
Remove the link to Rise of the Empire era from the intro since it's a publishing era. Green Tentacle (Talk) 18:40, 17 October 2007 (UTC)- Done. -- AdmirableAckbar [Talk] 22:20, 17 October 2007 (UTC)
- From the Grey of Man:
The Dialogue template was decided against in this policy; please correct.- Addressed.
Are the links in the quote attributions necessary? It shouldn't take that much to link that stuff in the actual article.- Removed.
Does Evasive Action: Reversal of Fortune not have any information on her? If it doesn't, then it needs to have a {{Mo}} or similar template tagged to it. If that comic does have information on her, then it needs to be added to the article and ref tagged.Also, it's been a while, so correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't the novelizations of Ep II and Ep III have additional information pertaining to her? Info that's different than the movies? If so, then it needs to be added and ref'd.- I added some from the Aotc novel, but the only real stuff about her in the ROTS novel was her death, which 4dot wanted to keep more film...y.
Could we have some examples of what you say in this sentence from the P&T? "She often had even those who had shown slight distrust in her killed, or else those whose jobs she craved."- I added examples to the distrust thing, but the only mention of the having people killed was in Gamer 10, which doesn't give any specifics or examples.
- Other than those few things, nice read, and not a character I've read much into before. Good job. Greyman(Paratus) 23:20, 17 October 2007 (UTC)
- Thank you for your comments and input -- AdmirableAckbar [Talk] 15:27, 18 October 2007 (UTC)
Comments