Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Seyugi Dervish

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Seyugi Dervish

  • Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (talk) 21:42, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Was just gonna nominate it for the GA, but after working with Master Jonathan, it's now at 1,042 words. So let 'em rip.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 21:42, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

(5 Inqs/4 Users/9 Total)

Support

  1. They make Slipknot look friendly. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 12:40, September 22, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Jinzler 17:39, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
  3. I had never even heard of these guys. Menkooroo 05:30, December 15, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 04:30, December 25, 2009 (UTC)
  5. Good work! ~ SavageBob 16:33, December 27, 2009 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Very well done.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (Mechno-chair) 21:38, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote Green Tentacle (Talk) 17:40, January 19, 2010 (UTC)
  8. Inqvote Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 09:29, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
  9. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 20:19, January 23, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Jinzler
    • The first five sentences in the introduction all start with the word "The". You should maybe change one or two of these instances, to give a bit more variety and reduce repetition.
      • Agreed. Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:10, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
    • Otherwise, it is looking pretty good. I'm glad you chose to FAN it :) --Jinzler 00:26, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
      • I plan to nom minor organizations from time to time. Thanks for the review, Jinzler.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:10, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
  2. http://objection.ytmnd.com/
    • The final sentence of p,t,t: "The mercenaries were usually unaware of who the Dervish was and would be murdered by the Dervish to keep the Dervish's identity a secret." Any way that can be reworded so that 'Dervish' isn't used three times? 'Employer' might fit. Menkooroo 15:24, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Prepare to be savaged...
    • Can you provide some context for Seyugi (in both the intro and the body)? It's unclear whether they are a species or simply a culture.
      • Added in the intro, and it's already there in the history: The Seyugi Dervishes were formed from the extinct Seyugi culture…--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 03:55, December 24, 2009 (UTC)
        • The Seyugi article says they were a species (or is categorized as such). Is this supported in the OS? If not, I'll strike the objection and correct the Seyugi article. ~ SavageBob 15:05, December 24, 2009 (UTC)
          • I assume by OS you mean original source, right? In that case, I don't know, according to the JATM, they were a culture.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 05:00, December 27, 2009 (UTC)
            • OK, thanks for checking the original source. I've corrected the Seyugi article, and you have my support! ~ SavageBob 16:33, December 27, 2009 (UTC)
    • Similarly, please add a few words to describe what a "prestige class" is in the "Behind the scenes" section.
    • There's currently a bit of repetitive language where you say "study of the Force traditions and monastic studies." It's the "study... of studies" bit. Can you try to reword or find synonyms? Overall, very nice! ~ SavageBob 22:41, December 22, 2009 (UTC)
      • I added "practices" in places of "studies". Thanks for the review!--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 03:55, December 24, 2009 (UTC)
  4. From the Chron-O-John of Green Tentacle:
    • The intro mentions that they were believed to be extinct by the Clone Wars but the history section doesn't give any idea of the time frame.
    • I'm sure there aren't, but just for the record, any quotes? Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:51, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
      • No, sorry. Thanks for the review, GT.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:30, January 19, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Would a "Notable members" section be appropriate? There seems to be enough information on at least two of them to constitute one. CC7567 (talk) 06:13, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
    • I created the section, which features both Karrh and Razi Khan. I also took out the infobox image. It was a image of Khan, and I used that image for Khan's sub-section. Thanks for your review, CC.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:10, January 23, 2010 (UTC)
      • Ooo... I think you should restore the infobox image. It's always better to have an infobox image if you can. People can easily refer back to that image as they read the article. Besides, the section you added is really too small to support an image. ~ SavageBob 18:18, January 23, 2010 (UTC)
  6. I apologize for the post-vote objection, but it just occurred to me that this article does not follow the naming policy as far as plural nouns go. Does the singular "Seyugi Dervish" canonically exist, since you use it in the article? If so, then the article needs to be moved accordingly. CC7567 (talk) 20:23, January 23, 2010 (UTC)
    • No problem. I had thought that since this was the name given in the Jedi Academy Training Manual, but since it goes against the naming policy… Is the first line of both the intro and the first paragraph OK?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 05:34, January 24, 2010 (UTC)
      • I don't see why not. CC7567 (talk) 05:54, January 24, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 05:54, January 24, 2010 (UTC)

  • Not an objection, but more of a question --- is there precedent for using the term "dark-sided"? Menkooroo 04:20, December 9, 2009 (UTC)
    • No, not really. Why?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 07:22, December 13, 2009 (UTC)
      • "philosophy, training, and techniques" reads: "...they did not follow many dark-sided practices." The sentence jumped out at me 'cause of the term "dark-sided", but not in a way I'd object to. I was just wondering if "dark-sided" is a commonly-used term. Menkooroo 15:29, December 13, 2009 (UTC)
        • Yeah, I believe so. I've seen it used in various novels and source books.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:14, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
          • Awesome. Thanks for checking that out. Menkooroo 15:24, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
  • I copy edited a bit to remove some distancing language (all the woulds) and some repetitive language. Please make sure I didn't change the meaning of anything accidentally! ~ SavageBob 22:41, December 22, 2009 (UTC)