Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Sev'rance Tann/Legends

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Sev'rance Tann

(5 Inqs/1 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. What, no support yet? Seems OK to me Enochf 20:10, 15 January 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Approved by the Desk. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 17:49, 3 February 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Cull Tremayne 18:43, 3 February 2009 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote —Xwing328(Talk) 03:02, 4 February 2009 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:07, 16 February 2009 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote -- Darth Culator (Talk) 00:06, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. From the desk of Atarumaster88
    • Seems to me that there should be some more battle links in the intro. Tann stole the Decimators. Another possible link for her death on Krant, no?
      • Linked Battle of Krant, every other battle is already linked.
    • The link between Sarapin and plunging the Core into darkness is not contextified in the intro.
      • To be honest I don't think it really needs to be - this happened and this happened as a result of it, and the specifics of why aren't particularly important at this point - but I've added in a small mention of the geothermal generators.
    • "Although very successful," A bit POVish. (intro).
      • Reworked a tad.
    • "Welcome to the Sarapin System, Sev'Rane. You now stand before one of the most heavily guarded planets in the Galaxy" Is the typo in her name in the game?
      • Nope, Enochf fixed it.
    • Second paragraph of "Into the Core Worlds" could use some variety with diction. Particularly since we're talking about "power relays", the word "powerful" just seems . . . off. I dunno, could just be me.
      • Varied it up a bit. Let me know if you want more.
    • Contextify Jabba on first mention.
      • I figured "a rival of Boorka" covered it.
    • "k, they are not referring to in the game itself, so presumably others were unaware of her origins" Wording is a bit off here.
      • I made a small change which should fix it; let me know if it's still not doing.
    • All small objections overall—good work, Acky. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 02:45, 12 January 2009 (UTC)
      • Thank you very much, and sorry for the delay in addressing these objections. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:56, 3 February 2009 (UTC)
  2. Blah
    • In the Battles on Sarapin section: "Additionally, lava blowholes dotted the area, with magma containing deep within fissures spitting out frequently, destroying anything that was standing over the blowhole." Needs a reword. Is this supposed to be, "with magma contained deep within fissures that spewed lava frequently"? Or something similar?
      • Yep. I've reworded for clarity; let me know if it's still not working.
    • Under the P&T, end of second section: "she killed one of the wild creatures she had been told to tame despite him having done nothing wrong, in order to engender obedience among his comrades." The length of this sentence is a bit unwieldy, mind splitting it up?
      • Broken up.
    • Last sentence of P&T: "Ultimately, Tann was more at home as the general than the Dark Acolyte; none were able to outfox her tactically during the month she lasted of the Clone Wars, but she was defeated in lightsaber combat." Why the general and the Dark Acolyte? Should that be "as a general" and "than a Dark Acolyte"? Only because "the Dark Acolyte" reads weird, since there were plenty of them. Additionally, "during the month she lasted of the Clone Wars". Is "of the Clone Wars" the best way to say that? This whole sentence could use a reword. Cull Tremayne 08:14, 19 January 2009 (UTC)
      • Reworded a tad, let me know what you think. Thanks for the review, and sorry for the delay in addressing your objections. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:56, 3 February 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • Nice work on the images there :) Yrfeloran 06:50, 25 December 2008 (UTC)
  • I notice that you mention that Tann lead from the front several times, with the source linking to the game. Can we be sure that this isn't just game mechanics, or the gamer's choice? You don't have to bring Tann along on all these attacks do you? In fact, can't you just load her into a shuttle or something and bring her along? If its possible to play the game without her leading from the front, should those mentions remain? Cull Tremayne 08:14, 19 January 2009 (UTC)
    • That's true. However, in the two cases where it's mentioned - at Geonosis, and on Sarapin's surface - the cutscenes somehwat negate the ability to load her on a shuttle. But, looking back over it, it's not a certainty, because she could have just walked up after her soldiers had cleared the area. So, I've cut the mention of it in the Tatooine section and reworded the mentions of it in relation to Sarapin - for that, we do know she slew Jor Drakas with her lightsaber during the battle. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:56, 3 February 2009 (UTC)
  • Is there any info to necessitate a "Powers and abilities" section, as she is a Dark Jedi? —Xwing328(Talk) 06:36, 31 January 2009 (UTC)
    • I wouldn't say so. I'm not a big fan of having P&As for the sake of P&As when powers aren't really shown. All I could really say is that she wielded a lightsaber and was "trained in the dark side by Dooku," since we don't see her use the Force at all, but both of those are already covered in the P&T. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:56, 3 February 2009 (UTC)
  • Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 00:06, 18 February 2009 (UTC)