Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Secret mission to Geonosis

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Secret mission to Geonosis

  • Nominated by: Nivlacanator(talk) 05:22, May 18, 2015 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:
  • This was difficult to word for some reason, but it looks good! (I think) Nivlacanator(talk) 05:22, May 18, 2015 (UTC)

(3 Inqs/4 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. Coruscantfan (Talk) 06:27, July 11, 2015 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote -- Darth Culator (Talk) 21:44, November 25, 2015 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Nicely written. Supreme Emperor (talk) 02:48, December 28, 2015 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 13:14, December 28, 2015 (UTC)
  5. Cevan IMPpress (talk) 20:23, January 23, 2016 (UTC)
  6. Imperators II(Talk) 21:10, February 5, 2016 (UTC)
  7. Harshg (talk) 08:58, March 8, 2016 (UTC)

Object

Fan of the Core
  • Your first quote, you don't need to link both Darth Vader and Aphra since you link them later in the article body.
  • The intro in its current form seems threadbare. Try pulling the paragraphs together into one or create two paragraphs.
  • When talking about Aphra in the intro you should also link "Doctor" since that is her title and archeologist is a profession.
  • the queen's lair Context on who the queen is.
  • Expand on why they are infiltrating the factory.
  • At the beginning you call him 0-0-0 but later on you refer to him as Triple Zero. You could explain they are the same thing, but you should explain that and then stick with it throughout the article.
    • I hadn't thought of that. I'll watch that in the future! Nivlacanator(talk) 07:15, June 27, 2015 (UTC)
  • Cylo's research base links to a redirect. While not necessarily a problem, there are several redirects throughout the article it would be good to fix.
  • The first sentence of the body, the semicolon should be comma.
  • as her womb, and the battle droids Comma isn't needed.
  • Including the bombing the shipyards at Kuat, and assaulting Weapons Factory Alpha; the Empire's foremost weapons factory. The sentence structure here is messed up and needs phrasing.
    • That sentence was actually really bothering me, too Nivlacanator(talk) 02:18, June 28, 2015 (UTC)
  • and Cymoon 1, and put' Comma isn't needed.
  • There are several more instances of commas placed next to the word "and" where they aren't needed. I would just go through the article and remove them when necessary.
  • hunt down an Imperial agent, and a Rebel pilot who had become of interest to him If you're not going to actually list who they are, then context is needed as to why they are of interest of him. Or, if its not relevant to the mission on Geonosis then remove the references all together.
  • and Tagge soon attacked and defeated a group Link should be either to "attacked" or "defeated".
  • Vader revealed that he needed private resources of his own: unquestionably loyal battle droids. Context since the reader doesn't know why.
  • So he ordered Aphra to be silent You don't mention that Aphra is talking so why is Vader ordering her to be silent?
  • The last paragraph of the prelude appears to occur on Geonosis so shouldn't this be under "The mission"?
  • Evidently meaning the queen did not see them as droids, but as her own children. This sentence sounds like an assumption made by you the writer. If its what she actually thinks then it should be reworked.
  • Vader ignored the queen's objections, and leaped down to the queen and cut her from the droid factory—her "womb"—using his lightsaber. She survived the attack and struck back; sending her "children", dozens of B1 battle droids—some capable of flight—to stop the Dark Lord. Using the dash can be good when you want to highlight something important, but in this case you've used it to the point where its distracting. Also, the semicolon isn't needed here.
    • I was waiting for that to be an objection. It looked so ugly on my tiny PC. :P Nivlacanator(talk) 00:25, July 6, 2015 (UTC)
  • No comma needed after "locator beacon"
    • Why me commas so bad here? Nivlacanator(talk) 15:31, June 26, 2015 (UTC)
      • See here. Coruscantfan (Talk) 18:07, June 27, 2015 (UTC)
        • I've heard MJ is the best! As I mentioned in the nom comment, I found this really difficult to word for some reason Nivlacanator(talk) 00:26, July 6, 2015 (UTC)
          • Yep, some articles are like that. Coruscantfan (Talk) 06:26, July 11, 2015 (UTC)
  • Comma instead of semicolon needed in "finger; leaving"
  • The Ark Angel, at Aphra's order, barraged the location of the beacon; forging a massive hole in the ceiling, and dropping uncountable amounts of rock to rain down on Vader and his team. Rework the punctuation, its not needed.
  • captured the Emperor's agent in this section you actually talk about Cylo but like I stated before if you're going to bring him into this article, you need to actually link his name and provide context earlier on to explain why he's relevant to the Geonosis mission.
  • Good job! Coruscantfan (Talk) 02:20, June 26, 2015 (UTC)
  • The intro looks better. But from reading the article it seems like Vader wants an "army" and Aphra suggests the battle droids but Vader's reasoning for wanting the army has more to do with his fall from grace with Palpatine. The intro makes it seem like he wants the army because he's looking for a rebel and an Imperial agent. So I would rewrite the intro to clarify what his goal with this specific mission was and then expand on that. Side note, I rewrote one sentence, see what you think. Coruscantfan (Talk) 02:02, July 3, 2015 (UTC)
  • I reworked some of the intro but other than that, I'm done. Good job. Coruscantfan (Talk) 06:26, July 11, 2015 (UTC)
    • Oh, sorry. I forgot about the intro. But thanks, I'm terrible at writing intros! Thanks, Coruscantfan! Nivlacanator(talk) 06:29, July 11, 2015 (UTC)
Brandon
  • The result section of the infobox is currently empty, but the result is known. You'll need to add that. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 02:40, June 26, 2015 (UTC)
Cav
  • Infobox outcome: "The Geonosian queen is left without a way to produce offspring" - she was already left without a way to produce offspring via the sterilization, so that can't be a direct result of this event. Should be reworded to clarify the nature of her new children as battle droids and avoid biological assumption.
    • Done. Though it could probably be worded better. Nivlacanator(talk) 04:04, August 27, 2015 (UTC)
  • The identities of the Imperial agent and Rebel pilot referenced in the intro should be named.
  • "Emperor Palpatine, Vader's Sith Master, lost favor with Vader" - Vader lost favor with Palpatine, not the other way around. This needs to be reworded.
    • Hmmm, could you further explain what you mean&mdahs;I believe Palpatine lost Vader for failing at Yavin and Cymoon 1. Nivlacanator(talk) 04:04, August 27, 2015 (UTC)
  • Why is Vader hunting Cylo-IV?
  • "Vader ignored the queen's objections, and leaped down to the queen and cut her from her womb, the droid factory using his lightsaber." Some rewording required here; the last part of the sentence reads as if the droid factory was using Vader's lightsaber.
  • "Although, its thrusters malfunctioned and she jumped down to Vader's position to ask if he could help." Are there some missing words after the comma in the sentence? It seems like there should be something else are the comma to make the sentence make sense. - Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 21:23, August 19, 2015 (UTC)
Culator blames you for soiling his hard drive with nucanon
  • As far as I can tell from the comics I had to acquire to check this, "secret mission to Geonosis" is not exactly a formal name, but it is the only appellation this mission has been given (unless one wants to call it "plan to steal a robot womb factory off a homicidally broody alien queen," but I think the first name is better for our purposes). However, had I not read the comics, I would have assumed this was one of our infamous conjectural titles and you forgot the corresponding template. Therefore, for the benefit of readers with similar assumptions, this nomenclature should be explained with a simple note about its origin and usage in the behind the scenes section. -- Darth Culator (Talk) 22:25, August 22, 2015 (UTC)
    • I don't know why I hadn't done that yet. It may need reworded, though... Nivlacanator(talk) 06:37, September 27, 2015 (UTC)
SE
  • In the second paragraph of The Mission, you say the droids were burned to death. I think phrasing it as destroyed with fire would be more appropriate, or something along those lines.
  • In the same paragraph, what kind of interesting tweaks were there? Supreme Emperor (talk) 19:20, November 30, 2015 (UTC)
Imperators II
  • Where image captions are complete sentences, you should put a period at the end.
    • Checked
  • Emphasized words in quotes from comics etc. should be italicized, not bolded.
    • Good catch
  • You should italicize comic issue titles in the BTS section for consistency.
    • Another good catch
  • Not an objection: I went ahead and fixed some linking in the infobox, adding links to subjects where they are first mentioned. I suggest you check the body of the article for the same. Imperators II(Talk) 00:44, December 29, 2015 (UTC)
    • I'll watch for that.
    • I may have looked through the article body for this issue, too. Imperators II(Talk) 02:03, December 29, 2015 (UTC)
  • Just wanted to make sure: in Prelude section quote, shouldn't there be a "want" in "Who wouldn't a phalanx of carefully restored battle droids…"?
    • Derp
  • Context for Geonosis in intro.
    • Check
  • Context on Cymoon 1.
    • Check
  • Similar to the 0-0-0 and Triple Zero objection above, you should clarify that the "Alliance to Restore the Republic" and the "Rebels" are the same thing.
    • Good point
      • This has not been addressed.
        • Oopsies!
  • The same goes for "BT-1" and "BT".
    • GG
      • Ditto.
        • Double oopsies! Went with the dialogue friendly "Beetee" rather than BT. Like Threepio and Artoo. Nivlacanator(talk) 20:58, February 5, 2016 (UTC)
  • Also, context/explanation for what "Sidious" is, since you only refer to "Palpatine" at first.
    • Good point
      • Actually, I went ahead and changed all instances of "Sidious" to "Palpatine". If "Sidious" is preferable, feel free to change it back accordingly.
  • I suggest you stick with either "Dark Lord of the Sith" or "Sith Lord" when referring to Vader for consistency.
    • Another good point
  • I don't think "Assault on Cymoon 1#Aftermath" should be linked to since the whole article itself is already linked to.
    • Apparently Mission to Jabba's palace (Darth Vader) has been deleted. :/
  • "Vader secretly hired two bounty hunters to hunt down an Imperial operative who Vader had seen working for Sidious and the Rebel pilot who had destroyed both the Death Star and Weapons Factory Alpha,[...]" — At the moment, it seems like Vader had seen the operative work for both Sidious and the Rebel pilot. Please fix this, unless that is precisely what was intended.
    • Thanks for pointing that out.
  • "Vader had been impressed with the droidekas and sought her out, finding her on Quarantine World III and recruiting her help." Please replace some of the personal pronouns here, it's repetitive and confusing.
  • In the above sentence, also context for Quarantine World III, please.
    • Check
  • Per WP:MOS, you should either link to Droid Gotra in the intro quote or (preferably) integrate the link in the article body. Same goes for carbon. Look out for other such instances.
    • I shall watch for these instances
  • "the queen did not see the droids as droids" — Please find a suitable synonym to avoid repetition.
    • Good point
  • Are BT-1's weapons identified as "chainguns" in the comic? If so, a canon article should be created for them.
    • Hmmm, no. Fixed.
  • "The queen continued to order the battle droids to stop Vader and bring back her "womb", warning them that her self-made empire would never end." Did the queen warn her battle droids? Maybe this can be cleared up a bit?
    • This sentence is hard. This is a little better, methinks.
  • "Aphra was unsure if Vader's "pretty little" starship would be able to rip the factory from its foundations, but Vader assured him it would due to the "enhancements" he had given it. And it did, lifting Vader, Aphra, and the factory into the skies of Geonosis [...]" — The "it" is too repetitive here.
    • Fixed
  • In the last image caption, I believe it would be better to use "commando droids" than "commandos", don't you think? Also, please specify what base do they invade.
    • Good point
  • In the BTS quote: "she lead the fallen Jedi to the old warzone" — is the usage of the verb your mistake or the author's? If the latter, it should be noted accordingly. Imperators II(Talk) 02:01, December 29, 2015 (UTC)
    • THat was me. I ALWAYS do that...
  • Also, since this mission did not involve the Rebel Alliance in any way, I don't think that adding Galactic Civil War to the conflict field in the infobox is appropriate.
    • Fair enough.
  • Same goes for the category Category:Missions of the Galactic Civil War. Imperators II(Talk) 16:32, December 29, 2015 (UTC)
    • Yuppers

Comments