Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Scourge (Sith)

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Scourge

  • Nominated by: Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 15:22, June 12, 2013 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Project Hero presents Part 3 of the Hero and companions: Scourge, the badass Sith.

(3 Inqs/4 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. Good work. 501st dogma(talk) 18:36, August 19, 2013 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Review handled via IRC. IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 04:25, November 12, 2013 (UTC)
  3. Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 05:39, January 4, 2014 (UTC)
  4. Protectorate (talk) 20:17, February 12, 2014 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 21:22, April 13, 2014 (UTC)
  6. Lord Dreist (talk) 21:38, April 13, 2014 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 02:36, April 19, 2014 (UTC)

Object

501
  • Intro: "...showing the younger Sith how the Emperor had stripped the Force his homeworld Nathema..." A word is missing here.
    • Done.
  • Political machinations: articles for the mercs?
    • Done.
  • Same section: you mention he is struck by blaster bolts, but don't say where. Later however, you say is shoulder is tended to. Perhaps you could say he was struck in the shoulder off the bat?
    • Done.
  • You have more than 3 redlinks. Kill the ones that put it over the limit.
    • I'll deal with them in the next few days.
  • Answers question: "a three-meter-tall UDM assault droid" - article for the droid type?
    • Redlinked.
  • Testing limits section: you don't tell us that Scourge went to Bosthirda. It suddenly jumps from preparing to go there, to watching a sunset there.
    • Done.
  • Article for the separatist group?
    • Already linked in the preceding paragraph.
  • Conspiracy: "Revan manipulated Scourge in return, and upon learning that Nyriss and Scourge wanted to overthrow the Emperor, and the Jedi had gradually worked to build trust with his captoir." The grammar's weird here.
    • Done.
  • I'll continue my review later. 501st dogma(talk) 00:26, June 28, 2013 (UTC)
  • Allying with the Jedi: "Steeling himself, Scourge entered the throne room and approached the Emperor's throne, which swiveled around to face the Sith as he crossed the enormous chamber. As the Emperor rose to his feet, the doors swung shut behind Scourge, and the Sith Lord dropped to one knee upon reaching the foot of the throne's dais. It took Scourge several moments before he could overcome his hesitation and fear in order to speak to the Emperor, but he gave the Emperor a brief summary of his service to Darth Nyriss over the last few years." A bit too much play-by-play here. Tone it down.
    • Done.
  • Same section: "summoning Captain Yarri and a Sith" Article for the Sith?
    • I really don't see the need for one here, but I'll redlink it for now.
  • Rescuing: "...though a guard informed Scourge that Nyriss was searching for Murtog and Sechel." Article for the guard? :)
    • Same as above.
  • The entire article seems a bit too play-by-play. You might want to go through, and cut down on it. 501st dogma(talk) 14:53, June 28, 2013 (UTC)
  • Wrath: "Warning the two Jedi that their companions had died..." Is he lying that they died, or are these different companions?
    • Fixed.
  • Loyalties: "...which still remained in the station's hangars along with the Jedi's other caged companions." Are these the other captured Jedi, or the remnants of the strike team? If these are the strike team, you should mention that they were captured earlier.
    • Resolved.
  • Context on Tython in the Loyalties section.
    • Done.
  • Doomsday: "There, Scourge, Carsen, and the Hero followed their other companions into the Valiant's main hangar. There,..." You start consecutive sentences with "there" here. Change it up.
    • Done.
  • The last two sentences of the first paragraph in the Power section are both reffed to 1. Combine them if that is indeed the case, or fix it if they aren't both supposed to be reffed to 1.
    • Done.
  • It's up to you, but since you've reffed a bit of the BtS, you probably should reff the rest.
  • Good work. Take a break man. 501st dogma(talk) 22:25, June 28, 2013 (UTC)
  • Round 2:
  • "Thanking Nyriss for her counsel, Scourge listened as the Dark Councilor discussed Sechel's findings at the Bosthirda." I know this is picky, but I don't think this is how you should refer to a planet. Perhaps on Bosthirda would work better.
    • Bah, that's the remnants of a different version of the sentence. Fixed.
  • "The furious Dark Councilor laughed when Surik emerged from Revan's cell with her lightsaber drawn, and Nyriss unleashed another blast of lightning that the two dodged before she drew her own lightsaber..." Who is the other one that dodges here? Surik is mentioned, but not the other one.
    • Clarified.
  • I'll finish the review a bit later. 501st dogma(talk) 13:20, August 19, 2013 (UTC)
  • Couldn't find anything else. 501st dogma(talk) 16:55, August 19, 2013 (UTC)
Exiled Jedi
  • Against the Emperor
    • Could you mention that the Emperor created the position of Emperor's Wrath for Scourge?
    • "sacrificing his emotions, senses, and humanity for power and eternal life." Humanity doesn't seem like the right word to use since Scourge is not Human.
  • Personality and traits
    • "after the Emperor's immortality ritual stripped him of his senses and humanity." Is there another word you could use in place of humanity?
  • BTS and overview
    • "Scourge was excluded as a romance option for the Knight because of a variety of reason, including budget, practicality, and creative direction." Something seems off about this sentence.
    • You have reference that is not working.
    • There are five redlinks in the article.
  • The linking wasn't great, but the article was well written overall.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 05:25, January 4, 2014 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • I found the wording of this sentence a little strange and only fully understood that Surik had died after reading on through the rest of the paragraph. Can we tweak this a little bit to state clearly that he stabs her through the back, killing her? "...Scourge stepped behind Surik and slid his lightsaber between her shoulders."
    • Done.
  • I'd like to see these events presented in a way so you don't have to use the awkward phrasing "now-Dark Jedi." You should establish that the Hero is now a Dark Jedi before that point: "The Jedi were placed in kolto tanks in order to heal their wounds, and Scourge visited the Hero at least once in order to observe the young Jedi. When the Hero recovered, Scourge led the Jedi to Overseer Chaskar, who served as the now-Dark Jedi's teacher in the ways of the dark side for several months."
    • Done.
  • I don't understand the end of this sentence about the caged companions staying on the ship. They were caged in the ship? Can we clarify? "The Knight freed a captive Carsen from the station's interrogation chambers before the two headed to their ship, which still remained in the station's hangars along with the Jedi's caged companions who had stayed on the ship."
    • Reworked.
  • Between the end of the first paragraph and the beginning of the second of the "Shifting loyalties" section, the article doesn't do a very good job of explaining what Scourge's motives are. We're told that Scourge learns that the Emperor's agents are preparing to commit genocide, and then suddenly he's looking for the rest of the captured strike team. Why is he looking for them? The end of the second paragraph begins to delve into this, but that should be explained briefly at the beginning of the paragraph.
    • Done.
  • Per your other TOR articles, I believe this bit about the companion needs a reference note explaining the possible options: "The Knight and a companion were able to foil Krannus's forces"
    • Done.
  • The end of the Biography kind of doesn't make it clearly what happens with the Hero and the Sith Emperor. I'm assuming they believe that he died; can we state this?
    • Done.
  • It may become confusing to readers when you regularly shift back and forth between paragraphs referring to the Hero of Tyhon as "the Knight" and "the Hero." I'd like to see this article pick one and stay with it for consistency throughout.
    • Done.
      • You've still got dozens of varying instances of "the Knight" vs. "the Hero" throughout the article. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 21:10, April 2, 2014 (UTC)
  • You should take advantage of the quote option in the Twitter citations in case those links ever go dead.
    • Done.
  • These sentences more appropriately belong in an Equipment section: "Scourge was classified as a heavily-armored close-combat assassin,[9] wearing a suit of heavy black spiked armor and utilizing a personal energy shield generator to protect himself from blaster fire and most attacks."
    • Done.
  • It's unusual that reference 26 cites a community consensus link. While that is certainly the basis for this article's decision, you don't have to specify that exactly. The ref note can just as effectively serve its purpose by saying "This article assume that the Republic classes in Star Wars: The Old Republic choose the options that provide the most light side alignment points." Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 01:36, March 29, 2014 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • A few preliminaries. First, image placement—especially under "Conspiracy revealed" and "Wrath of the Emperor"/"Shifting loyalties"—could use some work, since there should ideally be an image only once every few paragraphs. Those sections in particular are a bit too crowded, so please remove some of those images/spread them out. (The images of Scourge by himself would be first candidates for removal, since they don't add much to the article.)
  • Please fix the dash in the succession box. CC7567 (talk) 15:46, April 18, 2014 (UTC)
    • Both done. Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 15:54, April 18, 2014 (UTC)
      • Please take another look—there are dashes being used for two different functions (between two years, and after just one year), so they should be two different dashes. CC7567 (talk) 18:27, April 18, 2014 (UTC)
        • Bah, I had one of those right the first time :P
  • Lightsaber duel should be linked at the earliest applicable location.
    • Done.
  • "until they arrived at a small apartment building": article?
    • Done.
  • "Approaching the Jedi Master, who was once again watching the hologram of his family": the article body doesn't introduce Revan as a Jedi Master at any point prior to here, so when Revan's identified as a Master here, it's a bit confusing. I'd recommend inserting that piece of context earlier in the body, prior to here.
    • Done at Revan's introduction.
  • Context needed on Darth Angral at his first mention.
    • Done.
  • Good job otherwise. CC7567 (talk) 20:52, April 18, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 02:36, April 19, 2014 (UTC)

The article could use information and pictures of Scourge customizations in BTS. While obviously non-canon and game mechanics, it's still relevant information. LOST-Malachi (talk) 19:46, August 25, 2013 (UTC)