Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Satele Shan

< Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Satele Shan

(3 Inqs/4 Users/7 Total)

Support

I think it is a great idea. Make it happen, please! —Unsigned comment by 71.31.20.185 (talk • contribs) (Vote struck, reason: Per policy: Unregistered -- Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 18:04, September 29, 2013 (UTC))
  1. Other objections resolved via IRC. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 22:42, October 10, 2013 (UTC)
  2. Another very well written nom by Cade. Supreme Emperor (talk) 04:27, October 15, 2013 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Review handled via IRC. IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 05:36, November 9, 2013 (UTC)
  4. Objections handled on IRC.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 03:43, December 24, 2013 (UTC)
  5. praguepride (Talk) 13:45, June 12, 2014 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote JangFett (Talk) 01:46, July 1, 2014 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 22:35, July 1, 2014 (UTC)

Object

4dot
  • "The daughter of Jedi Knight Tasiele Shan, who was herself a descendant of the legendary Jedi Knights Revan and Bastila Shan who had played pivotal roles in the Jedi Civil War several centuries earlier, Shan was born on the planet Brentaal IV in the year 3,699 BBY." - A tad repetitive and a bit of a run-on.
    • Done.
  • "though her ascension to Knighthood was not completed by the time of Darach's death" - Strange ordering, perhaps mention this later.
    • Changed to a year.
  • "The two apprentices battled each other as their masters fought, but Shan's initial push against Malgus resulted in a knee to the stomach and she fell to the floor. However, Darach stopped Malgus from killing Shan with a toss of his lightsaber, giving her time to recover and deal her opponent a kick to the chest." - A touch pbp.
    • Done.
  • "He blocked her initial blows before striking her across the face, though she responded with a kick before the Sith Lord sent her on the defensive." - Too PBP.
    • Done.
  • "The two were aboard the Republic ship Envoy in the Kuat sector, conversing in their suite when Dar'Nala detected an eavesdropper outside in the hall. She discovered that it was the Imperial protocol droid SP-99, which had been assigned to the vessel in order to ensure the fulfillment of the Treaty's terms, and the Togruta departed for the bridge in anger. Shan explained to the droid that Dar'Nala was simply frustrated with the Treaty itself, and she settled down to sleep as the Envoy traveled out into the Outer Rim Territories." - Could be condensed a tad.
    • Done.
  • "The Sith then tried to convince Shan to join the them, claiming that she belonged on the other side of the war—but Shan broke away, realizing that the Sith were manipulating them" - Who's them? What the hell is an Aluminum Falcon? Sorry... seriously though, who is the them here? Maybe rephrase.
  • More to come. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 01:34, October 10, 2013 (UTC)
  • "While waiting for Konshi to find her, the Grand Master encountered almost a dozen hexes, but she was able to influence a biological component in them to halt their aggression. However, she was unable to make the hexes leave, which forced her Padawan to walk carefully through the hexes and open the blocked door to let the Grand Master out. Shan used a Force shield to keep the air around her while Konshi cut them a path out of the ship wreckage so that the pair could reach the Auriga Fire." - Can be pared down. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 02:20, October 10, 2013 (UTC)
Exiled Jedi
  • "Shan was a relatively short woman, reaching a height of around 1.67 meters," According to the Star Wars Roleplaying Game Saga Edition Core Rulebook, the average height for a female Human is 1.6 meters. Something seems off here. It deserves a BTS note at the very least.
  • That's it, I finally finished the review I started a few months ago...--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 00:39, December 24, 2013 (UTC)
Jangeth
  • Intro first: "during the Cold War and the Galactic War with the Sith Empire." Something doesn't read right here. So she was the Grand Master during those two events, I get that, but it's the "with the Sith Empire" that's the issue.
    • Revised.
  • IIRC wasn't Kao Cen Darach with Shan's group during Korriban's recapture?
    • Yes, but he doesn't escape—he sacrifices himself so that Okarr, Shan, and Malcom can escape.
  • "Shan became a hero to the Republic as she led" Like "when," saying "as" implies that she earned the title of hero as she led the group on the battlefield. Shouldn't it be "after"?
    • See how you like it now.
  • Your usage of "bore" might not work here, unless she made her son by herself. Do you mean bore his son in secret? JangFett (Talk) 18:48, April 23, 2014 (UTC)
    • Changed. Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 19:04, April 23, 2014 (UTC)
      • A word is missing here "However, she was pregnant with Malcom's child, and Shan gave birth to her son Theron in secret with the help of Master Zho" She was pregnant first but then she gave birth? Chronologically, adding in "later" somewhere might work. Please see what you could do. JangFett (Talk) 15:27, April 25, 2014 (UTC)
        • Added "eventually". Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 18:33, June 8, 2014 (UTC)
  • Early life:
  • Please fix the amount of time: "Revan had become a Sith Lord for a time" I'm not sure how long or short.
    • That paragraph's been revised.
  • You're repeating the same information regarding her mother's exile early on in the bio. There is a way to mention her exile and its aftermath only once.
    • Rewrote those sentences. See how you like it.
  • Was she still a Padawan when she went to study under Kao Cen Darach? Before you mention this, you say she was apprenticed to Ngani Zho "as a Padawan".
    • Her tutelage's a bit confusing. I added another reference to her as "Padawan" while discussing her studies under Darach—she was first apprenticed to Zho, then she went to Darach for special training, and then finished her apprenticeship and became a Knight under Dar'Nala.
  • Is there anyway you could change the term "unknown" into something else?
    • Done.
  • Did the source say "incredibly intense feeling"? Saying incredibly is too POV and it needs to be changed. If the source did say this, shouldn't you add quotations around the words?
    • Removed "incredibly"; not sure where that came from.
  • Unless I'm mistaken, per WP:MOS#Ranks and titles, Darach should be referred to as "master" and not "Master". JangFett (Talk) 15:27, April 25, 2014 (UTC)
    • You're correct. Changed. Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 16:03, April 25, 2014 (UTC)
Cav
  • Sometimes you are referring to her as "Satele" and "Shan" within the same section or even the same paragraph, usually when Theron is mentioned. For consistency, you should refer to her as Shan throughout. Confusion with Theron is not the issue, since referring to him as Theron throughout solves that issue. There are also quote attributions and picture captions that refer to her as Satele over Shan that should be checked. - Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 14:46, June 17, 2014 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • What troopers? No troopers are mentioned or introduced prior to this, so it's not clear to whom the article is referring: "Okarr surprised the Jedi and troopers"
  • Can we pipelink to a certain type of weapon article here? "Okarr urged both Malcom and Shan to man the Redshifter's guns"
  • The last paragraph of the "Hero of the Republic" section could use a paragraph break.
  • I think the hexes' coordinating facility might deserve an article.
  • Is it possible to sub-section the BTS? Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 22:07, July 1, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 00:04, July 2, 2014 (UTC)

  1. I hate context. Satele appears for 30 seconds about a dozen times in TOR.
  2. I hate Fatal Alliance. Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 16:32, May 2, 2013 (UTC)
  • I would like to see a comment in "Behind the Scenes" that Satele Shan's appearance was based on actress and model Sno E. Blac.--Richterbelmont10 (come in R2!) 02:41, September 8, 2013 (UTC)
  • Could we replace the infobox image with This image of Satele? It is stunning and perhaps one of the most beautiful pictures on Wookieepedia. The image that's there now is a little dull and yellowish and is very similar to the image later in the article under Satele_Shan#Mysteries_of_Tython (similar stance, similar gaze, similar coloring).--Richterbelmont10 (come in R2!) 16:36, September 20, 2013 (UTC)
    • Wookieepedia policy is to use images of characters at the latest point in their life in the infobox. While some movie characters are exceptions, it's why Obi-Wan's picture is from ANH. The current image is of Satele as Grand Master in TOR, which is almost thirty years after the image you've suggested. Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 17:01, September 20, 2013 (UTC)
      • Where is this policy located? I can't find it anywhere. Does this mean that after Episode 7, we're going to change all the infobox pictures of main characters to old Luke, old Leia, old Han, and old Lando?--Richterbelmont10 (come in R2!) 21:48, September 20, 2013 (UTC)
      • Awesome. What a beautiful picture in the infobox! Good choice, Cade.--Richterbelmont10 (come in R2!) 17:48, September 27, 2013 (UTC)