- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Reduxed Featured article. The result of the discussion was Featured article status kept. Please do not modify the page.
Sagoro Autem (redux review)
- Redux comments: Reduxed per INQ meeting 44. Underwent a thorough and complete copy-edit to update it from 2007 to 2011 standards.
- Date added: September 12, 2011
- Changes since last review: diff
(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)
Support
Cavalier One
(Squadron channel) 08:51, October 10, 2012 (UTC)- CC7567 (talk) 04:29, November 8, 2012 (UTC)
IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 22:41, November 11, 2012 (UTC)- Cade Calrayn 16:12, November 30, 2012 (UTC)
Object
Attack of the Clone
The article should be referenced with specific comic issues. Again, not covered by policy, but I'd appreciate it if you humor me.Per the Layout Guide, the "See also" section is reserved for topics that are not already linked in the article.CC7567 (talk) 01:12, September 5, 2012 (UTC)"killing his brother and the one man who could entirely clear both Autem and Reymet of a role in the assassinations": is this really accurate? I'm unsure if it can be stated based on what's presented in the comic.- Looks like you're right. Removed.
The "No honor, no duty" section title is a nice play on the comic title, but the bit about "no honor" seems rather POV, unless it was stated by a source.- Changed to "Loss of faith."
"in one last gift as a repentant parent": rather flowerly prose and slightly POV-oriented.- De-flowered.
The beginning of "The Battle of Brentaal IV" seems to be more from Ti's perspective than Autem's. I think it can be reworded to focus on Autem and still incorporate the necessary context.- Gave it a significant re-write. Check it out.
- Can the "that were supposed to be disabled" be worded better? It's unclear if a party was tasked with disabling them and failed, or if the Republic believed that they were nonoperational when they actually weren't, or something else. CC7567 (talk) 19:54, November 7, 2012 (UTC)
- Good catch. Re-worded to indicate that the Republic received faulty intel.
- Can the "that were supposed to be disabled" be worded better? It's unclear if a party was tasked with disabling them and failed, or if the Republic believed that they were nonoperational when they actually weren't, or something else. CC7567 (talk) 19:54, November 7, 2012 (UTC)
- Gave it a significant re-write. Check it out.
"Vos used the Force to disable his and Autem's captors": looks like some Force power should be linked here.- Checked the comic, and changed it to "disarmed" with a telekinesis pipelink.
Does Oppo Rancisis actually have a confirmed rank as High Jedi General? This is the first time I'm seeing it on the site.- Not that I can find. Removed.
- It's actually Senior Jedi General according to The Essential Guide to the Force, so I've corrected it. CC7567 (talk) 19:54, November 7, 2012 (UTC)
- Not that I can find. Removed.
"He had never intended to make a career of the Fleet but to stay only for the duration of the crisis": has the Imperial Navy been formed yet? If so, it should be linked here.- Looks like that sentence is actually referring to his service in the Republic Navy at the end of the Clone Wars. Imperial Navy is linked in the previous paragraph, so we should be good.
"By the end of the war, Autem was working in cooperation and friendship with several Jedi." Such as who?- There are a lot of Jedi at Saleucami, so rather than name them all again, I've just added "at Saleucami" to the end of the sentence. See what you think.
- Did he have confirmed relationships with all of them? Off the top of my head, I remember that he might have been closer to A'Sharad Hett and a few others, but definitely Vos. It would be worth mentioning those ones, I think, perhaps by adding "such as" and listing a few. CC7567 (talk) 19:54, November 7, 2012 (UTC)
- There are a lot of Jedi at Saleucami, so rather than name them all again, I've just added "at Saleucami" to the end of the sentence. See what you think.
"The 22 BBY date, however, significantly conflicts with all other sources and with the timeframe given in Jedi: Shaak Ti." How so?CC7567 (talk) 02:06, November 3, 2012 (UTC)- After checking Jedi: Shaak Ti, I can't really figure it out. It says that Autem worked as a mercenary for a while after Honor and Duty and was imprisoned on Brentaal when the war broke out, and that isn't really a continuity error unless Geonosis happens within the first few days of the year... which it doesn't. So I've removed the sentence entirely. Menkooroo (talk) 11:13, November 7, 2012 (UTC)