Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Pijal

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Pijal

  • Nominated by: —spookywillowwtalk 15:36, 1 March 2023 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: I love this planet so much…
  • Date Archived: 02:17, 25 June 2023 (UTC)
  • Final word count: 8716 words (714 introduction, 7643 body, 359 behind the scenes)
  • WookieeProject (optional): WP:NOVELSWP:AST

(3 Inqs/4 Users/7 Total)

(Votes required: No additional votes required to pass, please consider reviewing another article.)

Support

  1. Inqvote Imperators II(Talk) 19:09, 9 April 2023 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Braha'tok enthusiast Hello there 20:28, 6 June 2023 (UTC)
  3. Fantastic work! TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 04:21, 16 June 2023 (UTC)
  4. PIJALLLLLL! Booply (talk) 16:52, 16 June 2023 (UTC)
  5. Amazing, like the most work I've ever seen someone put into one thing Lewisr (talk) 17:14, 16 June 2023 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote The work that's gone into this is quite clear, bravo! JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 17:32, 22 June 2023 (UTC)
  7. Now this, this sort of project is what Wookieepedia should beFan26 (Talk) 02:14, 25 June 2023 (UTC)

Object

Imp
  • (Reviewing note) First of all, wow. Amazing work, and a very entertaining read! Here's what little I got:
  • "had a gravitational pull that affected its moon" — by definition, all moons are affected by the gravitational pull of the planets they orbit :P so not sure what you meant to say there - what does the source say?
    • Hmm. Was mostly based off the fact that Pijal's moon is nearly as large as the planet itself, and a few mentions of lunar gravity and the planet's gravity being different fields. Removed.—spookywillowwtalk 16:59, 7 April 2023 (UTC)
  • "surface consisted of small green-and-gold island continents ringing its equator and tropics surrounded by a broad, blue ocean" — double-checking this: the circular bands of the planet's surface that were its equator and tropics were in turn circled by continents, which then were also somehow surrounded by the ocean?
    • Might've bungled it. Essentially, the island continents are all near the equator/tropics, but other than the few small island continents, the rest of the planet is ocean. Not sure how to get that across.—spookywillowwtalk 16:59, 7 April 2023 (UTC)
  • "Several mineable minerals coated the planet's surface" — did the minerals literally coat (i.e., cover) the planet's surface? Or perhaps a more appropriate way to phrase it would be that the planet had deposits of several mineable minerals?
  • That Republic emblem image... has a bit of a sourcing problem. It's sourced to an unspecified issue of the HNN - which is strictly Legends anyway.
  • "However, these incidents only hardened Averross's resolve to coerce the princess into resigning her power" — specifically what incidents is this sentence talking about? The paragraph it's in talks about monitoring Averross and plotting behind his back as well as Fanry maintaining a naive facade and attending several meetings.
  • "Fanry was secretly pleased with the havoc her forces were causing, indicating to Deren that his blackguards should continue wreaking havoc" — please vary up the usage of "havoc".
  • Instead of the image of the Jedi Order, have you considered using an image showing both Jinn and Kenobi?
    • Did a bit of rifling around and didn't come up with much other than some comic issues, which could've happened before or after this point. Open to suggestion if some are found, but there's a slight canon drought on images of the pair from his Padawanship. I suppose, at worst, the Order's symbol reflects that they were sent by the Council.—spookywillowwtalk 14:52, 8 April 2023 (UTC)
  • "Afterward, Deren and the three Jedi traveled to the renovated Celestial Watchtower and were shocked to discover the formidable armament at the base" — the rest of the article reads to me like Deren wouldn't really be shocked at that... :P
  • "the soldiers had wiped most comm logs—only leaving records behind a deactivated astromech droid that led to Teth, Corellia, and Scipio" — am I reading this correctly: some comm logs were literally physically stashed behind an astromech?
    • Tweaked to now be: "…behind in a deactivated astromech…".—spookywillowwtalk 02:08, 8 April 2023 (UTC)
  • About Fanry's tinkering with Kenobi's lightsaber — am I reading it correctly that her intent was for the weapon to be rendered unusable, but then Kenobi used the change to his advantage by utilizing its new kohlen-shield-penetrating properties? And also, the text says Fanry attempted to sabotage it, whereas the corresponding image caption presents it as successful sabotage.
    • Swapped image caption to attempted. Tricky, this one: it's not really implied what she intended to have happened when the crystal was replaced, as if she'd wanted to disable it entirely, she could've only taken the kyber crystal out. I'd also say the sabotage was ultimately unsuccessful, she definitely didn't intend for Deren to get stabbed. Kenobi didn't know about the sabotage until the moment he ignited his lightsaber in a last ditch effort, despite believing it fruitless—even though it was ultimately to his advantage.—spookywillowwtalk 02:08, 8 April 2023 (UTC)
  • For the CR90 vessel, you should ideally stick with either "cruiser" or "corvette" terminology, otherwise it gets confusing super fast.
  • Hmm, considered using an image of Port in a Storm for Inhabitants?
    • While it's confirmed to have been available on the world similar to the other beverages, it's only mentioned briefly as Averross thinking of requesting some for the evening. Might not be relevant enough.—spookywillowwtalk 01:51, 8 April 2023 (UTC)
  • Would Category:Mining planets be applicable?
  • I find the ordering of the Locations sections peculiar. ...As I was writing this, I realized: is it alphabetical by section title? :P Might make more sense to cover in decreasing order of historicity and/or overall planetary importance.
  • Intro: "As the strikes sharply intensified, the Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn and his Padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi, were sent to Pijal to ratify the Governance Treaty's signing and protect Fanry" — from my reading the body of the article supports Jinn and Kenobi being originally sent to ratify the treaty, yes, but that original mission wasn't stated to have also included the protecting.
  • Ref 16: "a rank he attained between those events" - looks like a source for this fact is needed.
  • I take it the lead quote of BTS was transcribed from the interview? The comma behind the "so" seems... weird to me.
    • Yeah, that quote is kinda delivered haltingly as she paused to think. Removed for now, audio clip kinda shows what I meant, incase it has to be added back.—spookywillowwtalk 01:51, 8 April 2023 (UTC)
  • I'm not seeing the relevance to the second paragraph of the BTS to Pijal.
  • In the first paragraph of "Worldbuilding", think you could vary up one of the usages of "add more depth"? Imperators II(Talk) 16:01, 6 April 2023 (UTC)
ThrawnChiss
Brijal
  • What are your thoughts on the detail put into Locations? Specifically, there are a couple things you've put in there that are a bit iffy on relating to locations and are more of a history sort of matter. Stuff like the second paragraph of the Blackguard subsection and this sentence "The regent firmly expressed that he was willing to do anything necessary to support Czerka on the princess's behalf—including authorizing the company to use Pijal's citizens as enslaved workers—to the Jedi Master's disgust.".
  • On the topic of Locations, The Celestial Watchtowers are covered in a more introductory way after the Blackguard subsection, where a Celestial watchtower is also mentioned. Might be worth swapping the subsections, perhaps? Braha'tok enthusiast Hello there 16:33, 5 June 2023 (UTC)
    • Attempted to solve both of those in one. Did a decent amount of trimming and left the more relevant parts, and in doing so it ended up merging the soulcraft docks section into the other locations. Moved the Watchtower context upward to the blackguard base.—spookywillowwtalk 17:44, 5 June 2023 (UTC)

Comments

  • Some varying notes:
    • Media index for all of Pijal's sources
    • All categories related to Pijal
    • Current M&A status articles, most of which relate to Pijal
    • I know the intro looks long, but it's currently 9% of the article length and shortening it too much beyond that impedes the flow.
    • M&A's audiobook has a weird thing where it starts playing really loud music at the end of each chapter. As such, the last sentence or two of dialogue is summarily unusable since you can barely hear the words under the music—which explains why some of the quotes perhaps trim off a line that could've otherwise been included.
    • I'll be getting Star Wars: Timelines the day it releases—but also, it's already dated using that, so unless it's somewhere else too, then—should be all good.
    • This was by far the most intensive project I've ever completed on the Wook and I feel like it really summarizes most of my other status work. Was worth the time.—spookywillowwtalk 15:36, 1 March 2023 (UTC)

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 02:16, 25 June 2023 (UTC)